are you hip to my jive?

advice i think we should tell children is that when adults say stuff like ‘now that i’m an adult i get really excited about stuff like coffee tables and bathrooms and rugs etc’ they don’t mean ‘and now i don’t care about blorbo and squimbus from my childhood tv shows anymore’ bc your average adult still loves all the same pop culture stuff they always did; they just have a greater appreciation for the mundane as well. growing up just means you can enjoy life twice as much now. you can get really excited about a new stuffed animal AND about a new kitchen sponge. peace and love

You get bigger so you can store even MORE love and appreciation for the world inside of you

It means you'll be at the antique mall looking at a coffee table and thinking "blorbo and Squimbus would LOVE this coffee table"

“never kill yourself” is such a funny phrase to me that i think it’s accidently started working. its like an affrimation. say ‘never kill yourself’ enough times as a joke and maybe you won’t try to kill yourself over minor inconviences anymore

I don't like to admit it, but sometimes I actually miss John Green.

Sometimes I can almost hear him.

not now honey, mommy’s yearning for something that once was and will never be again

Breaking news all sports indefinitely cancelled because we have lost tbe ball

If I ever have sex instead of saying I’m gonna cum I’m gonna say “I feel like something intriguing is about to happen”

at certain times. when the veil between reality and 2014 tumblr is thin. well lets just say. anything is possible

we need to make using chatgpt embarrassing bc sorry it really is. what do you mean you can’t write an email

“ikr i only use it for-“ whatever you use chatgpt for is also embarrassing. you do not need the plagiarism machine that lies and evaporates water for anything actually

today is like microdosing for when it happens

Maybe, just maybe, his daughter will grow up to become a doctor or a scientist or a professor without her evil ass misogynistic dad around. Fuck that guy. Seriously.

I do not feel bad for them for no longer having Charlie Kirk as a father, they are safer without Charlie Kirk as a father and more likely to grow up to be well-adjusted and normal in the absence of Charlie Kirk. I feel bad they don’t have a dad. I feel bad for anything they might remember. I wish them well but not every man who is a father is worthy of being a father and it pisses me off every time a totally evil guy dies and everyone implies his life had more inherent worth because he was a father and his children no longer have him.

I kind of wish it had been ben shapiro

quick reminder that you're actually not obliged to feel any empathy for someone who would have described your death as 'necessary' if the exact same thing had happened to you

"In the same way that your heart feels and your mind thinks, you, mortal beings, are the instrument by which the universe cares. If you choose to care, then the universe cares. If you don't, then it doesn't." -- Brennan Lee Mulligan, D20, Fantasy High