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YOU WISH TO KNOW THE LORE OF MY BELOVED GODS-CURSED CHILDREN?

I OBLIGE HAPPILY

THESE ARE DEVILS HOLE PUPFISH

THEY AND THE WORLD AND WHATEVER FORCES CONTROL THE UNIVERSE WISH NOTHING MORE THAN FOR THEM TO FINALLY KICK THE BUCKET AND FACE EXTINCTION, AND YET MY BELOVED STUPID CHILDREN REMAIN. AT THEIR LOWEST POINT, THERE WERE BETWEEN 30 AND 70 FISH IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD, AND YET HERE THEY STILL ARE, OFFERING A BLUE-SCALED MIDDLE FINGER TO THE COSMOS.

they live in a limestone cave in nevada (because nothing says aquatic paradise like the middle of FUCKING NEVADA), and it is the ONLY PLACE IN THE WORLD THAT THEY LIVE. this place they live also gets regularly shaken around by earthquakes even partway across the world (as faR AS FUCKING!! JAPAN!! EARTHQUAKES IN JAPAN HAVE KILLED AN ENTIRE SPAWNING SEASON'S WORTH OF PUPFISH IN NEVADA!!), disrupting THE SINGLE SHELF WHERE THEY REAR THEIR YOUNG. because that's right. in the entire cave (which is not that large to start with, but still guys, COME ON), they have The Only Acceptable Fucking Shelf, and they will NOT change their ways. scientists even tried to give them a second shelf for fucking to try and increase their numbers, and they REFUSED to use it. they have one shelf, AND THEY WILL NOT FUCK ELSEWHERE! BE GONE WITH YOUR SUBPAR FUCKING SHELF!!

as if it's not enough that they're picky af about where they fuck and raise baby pupfish, they also have a WILDLY low fertility and reproduction rates (as well as wild rates of inbreeding). from some studies, it might be as low as females producing one (1) egg per spawning season. THAT'S IT. and as if that wasn't enough, they also have a low hatching and young survival rate.

MADE WORSE BY THE MYSTERIOUS INTRODUCTION OF A PREDATORY DIVING BEETLE THAT ONLY SHOWED UP AROUND 1999/2000 TO START CHOWING DOWN ON THESE ALREADY-WILDLY-CLOSE-TO-DYING-AT-ALL-TIMES FISH. DID THEY NOT ALREADY FACE ENOUGH HORRORS? NOW A BEETLE HAS GOT TO GET TO WORK ON THEM, TOO?

efforts have been made to create breeding populations elsewhere, but under the curse of whatever god hates them so, most efforts have failed in almost comically horrible ways. they tried letting them live in nearby springs: dead or mysteriously disappeared due to some predator. they tried making special breeding ground environments: died outright, water system failed and killed them all (MORE THAN ONCE!! THIS HAPPENED MORE THAN ONCE!! AND IN MORE THAN ONE WAY!! TEMPERATURE FAILURE GOT THEM!! FILTER FAILURE GOT THEM!! WATER SUPPLY SYSTEM FAILURE GOT THEM!! ONE PLACE MANAGED TO GET A POPULATION UP TO THE HUNDREDS OVER SEVERAL YEARS AND THEN!! A WATER SYSTEM FAILURE!! KILLED ALMOST ALL OF THEM!!! ANOTHER POPULATION WAS SET UP AT ANOTHER AQUARIUM! GOT TO SEVERAL DOZEN!! WATER SYSTEM FAILURE AGAIN!!! KILLED ALL BUT ONE (1) LONE SURVIVING LIL DEVILS HOLE PUPFISH), they started mutating to be misshapen and non-viable, they started mutating into a different kind of pupfish, or a few managed to make it to adulthood only for the fish who made it to die from a mysterious disease thought to be leukemia that wiped them all out. THEY LIKE THEIR HOLE, GODDAMNIT. THEY DON'T WANNA BE ELSEWHERE.

AND LET'S NOT FORGET THE HUMAN ELEMENT. in the 2010s, three (drunk) assholes broke into the devils hole and stomped around, smashing things all over the shelf, wrecking their food supply as well as killing a ton of their young. in the 60s and 70s, there was an active fight about preserving the pupfish because agriculture in the area was using up water that was making the water level in the cave drop, which sparked debates about conservation and led to two dueling factions repping their opinions with bumper stickers.

one man was so furious about the fish being given rights that he threatened to go to devils hole and dump pesticides in it to kill them all once and for all. the fish ended up winning protection and the ranch that wanted them gone ended up being sold, and no further water-use threat for the fish has appeared (yet).

in recent years (the 2020s), population preservation has actually led to a steady increase! the population varied count to count due to the natural life cycle of the fish, but at their highest, they were clocking somewhere around 250 pupfish! hooray! look at those little guys go!...

-and then earthquakes in 2025 wiped out all but 38 fish.

bummer

tl;dr: a mysterious cosmic force HATES the devils hole pupfish but not enough to commit to wiping them out for good, and in the meantime, these lil guys keep on keeping on with the help of human scientists doing their best to keep them alive despite EVERY force in the world working against them.

(including the pupfish themselves, seriously, ffs guys)

Word already had a word count?! That WORKED?

And it pissed me off so badly that I spent the ENTIRE WORK DAY today compiling evidence from every project my team has ever done for her, pulling past emails she’d sent us, putting together an entire case proving that she had been the problem all along. That she got projects mixed up, that she’d made requests that were nonsensical, literally everything you could possibly imagine. Screenshots of emails, reports we’d submitted, EVERYTHING.

This woman in particular has been terrorizing my team for years, her name is almost a slur in my office, I had simply had ENOUGH of her.

I put all of this evidence together and sent it to all of my bosses at 4:30pm. Then I took a long break to eat a sweet treat and drink some tea.

After my break, my bosses all called in an emergency meeting with me and they said they read my report and fucking loved it. And I sat on a teams call with my boss’ boss as she wrote my nemesis the scathing email I had always fantasized about sending, using the evidence I’d compiled, and hit send.

Another day, another doggy you can’t pet. Meet the dhole (Cuon alpinus). Found widely across parts of Asia from India to China to Indonesia, this social canid typically lives in groups of up to 12 individuals. Sometimes it even socializes with other groups of dholes to form “super packs” of more than 30 members! Teamwork enables these hunters to take down prey ten times their size. And unlike many other species of canid, dholes allow their pups to feed first on kills. Their diet includes pigs, deer, and buffalo.