hhhhhey

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

maybe there never were any twin towers. like did u ever see them?

So I know all you kids are joking around but no, you’re not allowed to make jokes about this. No.

what's that one thing where they asked how ripely from alien was so realistic and believable as a female character in scifi for once and they were like "well we just took the dude from the original script and made him a girl and changed nothing else. it works bc men and women are the same?" and people were like "woah no way" and then didn't learn anything from that for 20 years

"how do you write such believable men as a woman?" "how do you write such believable women a man?" and the answer people who are good at it always give is "i just write people. were literally the exactly the same. do you think the opposite sex is some sorta totally different animal???" and people respond "woah that's wild. yea i do. and im not gonna stop thinking that goodbye :)"

This story makes me think of the time my school bus was taking us home after school, but encountered some kind of engine trouble on a very twisty, hairpin turning canyon road. It kept going, it was just going veeeerrryy sloooowwww, and that means the regular cars were getting stuck behind it. I'm really not kidding about the tight, twisty turns, and this road being narrow. One lane each way, drivers frequently at medium to high speeds, but you couldn't see very far ahead in either direction. If you tried to just go into the opposing traffic (lane going in the opposite direction), you were taking a pretty big risk -- if a car was traveling at speed, you wouldn't know until it hit you. But I'm also not kidding about how slow our bus was going, which increasingly meant some drivers got fed up and took that risk anyway. Now, me and the other kids in the back of the bus were initially only watching this with passive interest... ...but remember, this is a school bus. It was long, and while the drivers behind is could not see the road ahead, the kids at the front of the bus could. One driver started to move into the opposing lane, but a kid at the front of the bus (also not initially paying attention) called out, "uh, guys, there's a car--" And me and everyone else in the back of the bus immediately went 🙅🙅‍♂️🙅‍♀️ flailing around to cross our arms at that driver, convinced we were about to watch a nasty car crash happen less than ten feet away from us. Except that driver stopped. They stopped, and when the bus inched forward another two feet, they even eased back into our lane, just in time for the opposing car to pass by. When the kids on the bus realized that all these grown-ups were actually listening to us, it was a sea change. NO ONE was napping at that point. We immediately split up, with attentive kids moving to the front to squint out the windshields while the big (aka most visible kids) went to the back. Everyone was looking outside the bus, we rotated as kids got dropped off, we basically developed a call-and-response check system on the fly. The entire time, all these grown-up drivers behind us were paying attention; not a single one drove into the opposing lanes if we gestured for them to stop. Over a hundred grown-ups in cars put their lives in OUR hands, and when we knew that we respected the hell out of that and locked tf in. The reason why so many kids teenagers act like overgrown toddlers is because adults treat them as such. If you treat teenagers like the actual young adults they are, they'll usually act as such, too.

"He has a 12 inch cock" well my pussy ain't a fucking magicians hat bitch where is all that supposed to go

stop calling it a girl dinner and call it by its formal name: Fend For Yourself dinner in an ingredients household

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

Now a functionally suicidal character saying “I will live for you”. Now that’s a dynamic I can sink my teeth into.

now how about a functionally suicidal character saying "I will sell hot dogs for you"

Hotdog vender lays down their life to protect their suicidal partner, who then takes over the hotdog stand to carry on their memory...

It's like talking to a 2010 Old Spice commercial with you people

i want lists and solutions by the time i finish this jiyuiceh box. warning ⚠️ I. AM. TIRSTY! and it is ᶠʳᵘᶦᵗ punch! and it is delicious

I’ve known this post longer than I’ve known most of my friends