Fascinated by the concept that Shane just. Only lives for this tiny fraction of his actual life. What Shane wants, what he shapes every facet of his life and self around for twenty odd years, is to be in the rink, with the stadium bellowing and the scoreboard in his favour.
all he wants is to fucking play hockey, but it’s so LITTLE of his actual life.
it’s all transport and training and exercise and dieting and emails and modelling and coaching and sleeping and cars and planes and locker rooms and hotels and clubs and bars and there’s so little HOCKEY
is it all a fugue state for him? Just a thousand miserable unskippable cut scenes he has to move through until he can be on the ice again?
and what must it be like for him to meet Ilya, for their relationship to gradually develop and intensify until suddenly he’s experiencing the only other thing he would die for.
it must be so identity shattering to find something ELSE you care about that much, and a crisis of faith that would force you to reevaluate everything.
I think that’s an underrated factor behind the tunameltdown, Shane realising that this foundational cornerstone of his identity, that he cares about hockey so much that it degrades everything else in life to him, now has competition.
because he cares about Ilya so much that he is risking hockey.
he wants Ilya in his life properly, not just as another tiny flashpoint between dull, drawn-out moments.
but for Ilya to be in his life like that, he would be putting hockey at risk. It’s something he practically has a mental block around, is literally INCAPABLE of considering.
he’s let it decide every single part of his life: his miserable diet, the horrible modelling shoots and brand deals, missing his parents, repressing his attraction, distancing himself from his friends and team…
all for the benefit of hockey, and all with no hesitation or internal conflict
and now he wants Ilya so bad that it will threaten hockey.
hockey, which he let threaten his family and friends and body and health…
because he wants Ilya more then any of those things.
