your wife responds to my emails first

"codify" is such a fun word. lawmakers! turn this into a fish

the more time you spend in active recovery from any given self destructive behavior or addiction the more you understand the common conception of the "relapse" as defined by a broken "streak" to be, like, so bad for one's own well-being that it would be funny if it weren't resulting in just a lot of misery and death

I told my girlfriend to think of quitting vaping as training her endurance by seeing how long she can run before she gets tired, then doing it again and hoping to go further next time. She said it really helped her.

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

Every time I go they put me in a chair and they say look into this machine there's a hot air balloon or a farmhouse in there and I do and I'm like you're right I see it and they're like yeah keep admiring that hot air balloon or farmhouse and I do and I'm like this shit's quaint as fuck and then do you know what happens next they attack me they jumpscare me with air directly into my eyeballs and i fall out the chair and they say sorryyyy but they're NOT they wanted this to happen they KNEW about the jumpscare well now I'm wise to it now I know better when I go in and they say look at this bodacious hot air balloon I'm like NO WAY DUDE that balloon wishes me harm have at thee and I attack them and push them on the ground and spit on them

Tag this with (if you had one) the colour(s) of your DS/DSi/3DS

never trust a girl on tumblr for anime recommendations like i know you only liked this bullshit because your seven girlfriends were busy tickling your feet while mid played on screen

best thing in tbe world having people that like your ocs

not every mutual fits neatly into an archetypal medievalism but there are some mutuals that im like yeah addressing you as “my liege” would come strangely naturally

the crazy thing about doctor who is that it really is the best show ever for 30 seconds at a time. you never know when those 30 seconds will be. sometimes they happen multiple times in a single episode and sometimes you wait years and years and years. and the best part is those 30 seconds are surrounded by the worst show ever, which is also doctor who

weaponized competence

learned helpfulness

big fan of when voice actors have the free will to just say whatever they want in character voice and use it frequently so the fanbase get all these inexplicable clips of their favorite characters quoting memes. more voice actors should do this forever and ever.