your wife responds to my emails first

international cut your hair like your icon day how screwed are you 

it bothers me that you often don't really hear about people having a "favorite album" the way they might have a favorite movie or favorite video game

fuck it. reblog this and tell me in the tags what your favorite album is

I hate hate hate it when malicious things against trans women are explained like: “And here’s why you should care: this actually affects cis women!” Like actually no I care about the fact that it’s a hate campaign against trans women and extremely dangerous to them thank you very much

unclear. adj. of or pertaining to an uncle

I'd be scared it Ted Cruz suddenly called me too

tumblr kinda lives in a weird paradox where lemon demon is cringe drivel but neil cicierega is cool and respected

"codify" is such a fun word. lawmakers! turn this into a fish

the more time you spend in active recovery from any given self destructive behavior or addiction the more you understand the common conception of the "relapse" as defined by a broken "streak" to be, like, so bad for one's own well-being that it would be funny if it weren't resulting in just a lot of misery and death

I told my girlfriend to think of quitting vaping as training her endurance by seeing how long she can run before she gets tired, then doing it again and hoping to go further next time. She said it really helped her.

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

Every time I go they put me in a chair and they say look into this machine there's a hot air balloon or a farmhouse in there and I do and I'm like you're right I see it and they're like yeah keep admiring that hot air balloon or farmhouse and I do and I'm like this shit's quaint as fuck and then do you know what happens next they attack me they jumpscare me with air directly into my eyeballs and i fall out the chair and they say sorryyyy but they're NOT they wanted this to happen they KNEW about the jumpscare well now I'm wise to it now I know better when I go in and they say look at this bodacious hot air balloon I'm like NO WAY DUDE that balloon wishes me harm have at thee and I attack them and push them on the ground and spit on them

Tag this with (if you had one) the colour(s) of your DS/DSi/3DS

never trust a girl on tumblr for anime recommendations like i know you only liked this bullshit because your seven girlfriends were busy tickling your feet while mid played on screen

best thing in tbe world having people that like your ocs