baby Ilya’s tiny angry Russian ranting when Irina won’t let him stay on the ice and his cheeks are all bright pink and his little nose is wet and he’s plopping down onto the ice and crossing his arms and yelling NYET NYET NYET.
Across the ocean at the exact same time, the exact same thing is happening to a very exhausted Yuna Hollander.
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If there's one thing Shane is surprisingly knowledgable on it's beef in the rap and hip hop world because Ilya is Invested and takes Hard Sides and will just constantly bring it up at home.
Shane ends up being the one to explain the Drake vs. Kendrick feud to Hayden (who came into it cold when Not Like Us got huge). JJ started explaining it to him but, honestly, he was doing a bad job at it and Shane has heard Ilya rant about this for months now, every time there was a new development, so he takes over and Hayden and JJ both just stare at him in blank shock.
The veterans on the Centaurs ask Shane to explain the Cardi B trial because Ilya got too worked up over it and started speaking Russian when they asked him.
They watched the entire four-part documentary on Diddy that 50 Cent produced and Shane now gleefully tells people that 50 did an in-depth interview on ABC, specifically because that's one of the few channels shown in prisons (yes, Ilya made him watch the interview and cackled beside him the entire time).
During them watching that series, Shane asked Ilya "who's that?" when Biggie Smalls came up on screen for the first time. Shocked and appalled, Ilya played Shane Biggie and Tupac's entire catalogues and showed him several video essays covering the East Coast–West Coast hip hop rivalry.
After that, "I've been in this game for years, it made me an animal It's rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual" from the Ten Crack Commandments becomes almost a stim line for Shane, he'll be saying it under his breath in the locker room, on the ice, or even while cooking dinner.
laughing about the idea of ilya over time being able to predict when shane is going to be brainstorming late into the night and then waking him up about something. shane has A Specific Look when this is going to happen, and ilya knows that even fucking him stupid isn't going to save him from being shaken awake at 3 am to have rapid-fire english happen at him.
someone at dinner is talking about the complexities of funeral arrangements and how hard it is to organize everything when already grieving and ilya sees The Look happening on shane's face at his side and is then just
knowing he's going to get woken up at fuck o'clock tonight to talk about the fully-detailed options of cremation versus burial shane is going to run past him.
the only preparation he can do is to wear his wedding ring to bed so when he wakes up he remembers that he loves this man even when he's yanking him out of a rem cycle to take him through a verbal powerpoint.
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Shane fucking Hollander - or a Cliff finds out ficlet
[this is a first draft but bc ao3 is still down, so this is my offering in these dark times]
Cliff wakes up early. He loves to party but he’s still a professional hockey player and at some point getting drunk until 2 AM and then getting up for an early morning flight has just become second nature. Hydration, Advil, and a lot of coffee are the keys to survival.
When his internal clock wakes him at eight, he’s not mad about it. They have a noon flight so that gives him time for a shower, a nice greasy breakfast with Roz, and then herding the no doubt incredibly hungover rookies back to their hotel.
He finds a bathroom with fresh towels in the hallway. He’s not a fan of putting his old clothes back on, but he can just turn his boxers inside out and he’ll borrow a fresh shirt from Roz. It’ll be a little short but he can deal.
When he walks downstairs, Roz is in the kitchen in sweatpants and a Centaurs shirt, staring blarily at the coffee maker. There’s no sign the rookies are conscious yet.
“Well, you look like death warmed over.” Cliff doesn’t bother keeping his voice down, the rookies need to get up.
He thinks he hears a faint groan from the living room.
Roz stares at him with narrowed eyes. It would be intimidating if he didn’t look so pathetic.
“Come on man, we didn’t even drink that much last night.”
Roz waves him off. “Not used to it anymore.”
Cliff wants to prod him about that, about his new life with Jane and whether it makes him happy enough to make up for playing on such a bad team, but that’s when there’s noise from the livingroom and then Svenson and Brooks stumble into the room. They look even worse than Roz.
“Bathroom,” Roz says and points down the hallway. “Then coffee.”
They nod and shuffle down the hallway. There’s some noise, the click of a door and then Brooks reappears, blinking dumbly.
“Only one toilet,” he says.
Cliff sighs and hands over a mug of coffee. “Lightweight.”
Brooks gives him a betrayed look. “You made us drink vodka with a Russian.”
Roz nods. “Is true. Rookie mistake.” He snickers at his own joke then groans and grips his head.
“Roz isn’t even in drinking shape,” Cliff says mildly and pours more coffee.
Brooks stares in horror and then burns his mouth on his coffee. Cliff can’t help but laugh.
Eventually, Svenson reappears. His face is flushed and the tips of his blond hair are wet so he attempted some sort of wash. Cliff pushes a coffe cup in his direction and Roz digs out a bottle of Advil. He takes two before he hands it over.
“Grease?” Cliff asks.
“Eggs and bacon in the fridge,” Roz says, apparently unwilling to move from where he’s leaning heavily against the kitchen counter.
Cliff gets started and eventually Roz manages to help with the eggs. He throws some herbs in it which is definitely new but it smells nice so Cliff isn’t complaining.
Brooks reappears, lookin marginally more alive but also incredibly grateful for the Advil.
“You guys need to learn how to party,” Cliff says. “Roz here was a natural when he came to Boston.”
“I am a natural at everything,” Roz mutters but his bragging is lacking his usual energy. He still looks like he’s ready to go back to sleep.
“Yeah, I’m not comparing myself in anything to Ilya Rozanov,” Svenson mutters under his breath.
It’s not quiet enough because Roz nods and says, “I am incomparable.”
Cliff laughs again. Man, he misses Roz. He blames it on his own lack of sleep that he actually says that out loud.
Instead of ribbing him, Roz just bumps his shoulder against Cliff’s.
It's what gives Cliff the courage to say, “I feel like in compensation I should at least get to meet Jane.”
Roz’s instant “no” clashes with Brooks “Jane?”
“Shut up,” Roz says to the room at large.
“Oh come on, man,” Cliff says. “I already know she’s the reason you moved here.”
Roz stares at him with wide eyes. “What?”
The two rookies stare equally wide-eyed.
“Montreal girl.” Cliff says. “Jane.”
“In case you forgot, I moved to Ottawa,” Roz says with a snort but his shoulders are tense. Cliff should probably drop this—he dropped it last night—but fuck that. They were team mates for nine years, friends even Cliff likes to think, partied their way through every club in a city with a hockey team.
Roz was the one who bailed him out of jail after the whole thing in St Louis and Cliff was the one who took a punch to the face when it turned out Roz unknowingly hit on a married woman whose husband had a very short fuse and a mean right hook in Philly.
And then Roz just left, almost no warning, packed up and left for fucking Ottawa, giving Cliff nothing more than press answers and cryptic shoulder shrugs. And Cliff never pressed on the whole Montreal girl thing because Roz was touchy about it, clearly a sore subject with the long distance and her obviously not wanting to move to Boston for him, but pretending she’s not the reason Roz left for Ottawa and Cliff’s too stupid to know it… Cliff’s a laid back guy and he rarely gets angry, not even with Roz, but fuck this.
“You still moved for her,” Cliff says. “And I don’t know why you keep lying about it.” To me Cliff doesn’t say, but then he does because fuck this. “Come on man, you can tell me. You could always tell me.”
“Ottawa,” Roz says slowly, with emphasis, like he’s speaking to a toddler, “Is not Montreal.”
And Cliff is done with this bullshit.
“Yeah, well you couldn’t go to Montreal.” Cliff holds up a finger. “They would never sign you because you’re the most hated player in Montreal.” He holds up another finger. “Hollander would never play with you. He’d never move to second line for you and you’d never play second line for him. So unless you suddenly want to play wing, no dice. Never mind that even if the fans don’t set the Bell Centre on fire for signing you and Hollander doesn’t run you through with his stick, they still don’t have the cap space to afford you. So no dice on Montreal. And if my Canadian geography isn’t completely fucked, then Ottawa is the closest you can get to Montreal.”
Roz stares at him, shoulders slumped in defeat.
“What I don’t fucking get, is why she wouldn’t move for you?”
“That’s what you don’t get?”
Cliff shrugs. “You’ve been after your Montreal girl since rookie season. No one stuck around for as long as her except for Svetlana and you were always the one who said she’s just a friend. But Jane was never a friend. And then you stopped sleeping around last year, so it was obvious it was getting serious. But man, you’re one of the best and Ottawa is shit so… Why couldn’t she come to Boston?”
Roz looks up at the ceiling and mutters something in Russian. Cliff really only learned one Russian word, blyat, because it’s Roz’s favorite curse word. He hears it now too.
Behind Roz, the rookies are staring, mouths open but not making a sound.
Finally Roz says, “Jane has job in Montreal. Career. Would be stupid to move.”
“And it wasn’t for you?” Cliff asks incredulously.
Roz shrugs. “I can rebuild the team. Did it before in Boston, no? And… family is here, in Ottawa. So Jane is here a lot. It makes sense.”
It’s an odd mix of mushy and cocky, which is really Roz’s whole thing if you get to know him, just that he usually hides the mushiness more under layers of insults. Still, Cliff has questions.
“Okay, but what I don’t get is why you didn’t tell anyone? Like the fans might have not felt so betrayed you know?”
Cliff might not have felt so betrayed.
Roz shrugs again. “Jane is very private. I did not want the press to go snooping.”
That makes Brooks break. He lets out an incredulous noise.
Roz turns around like he forgot the rookies were there.
“Just,” Brooks stars helpelssly, falling silent under Roz’s hard look.
Svenson, now apparently remembering that he’s a six foot four MLH defenseman who regularly gets into fights on the ice, says, “What girl wouldn’t want to be seen with you?”
Roz snorts. “Jane is much too good for me. Trust me, I would not be good for reputation.”
The rookies both stare uncomprehending. Cliff gets it; Roz is their idol. They both had his poster on their walls just a few years ago. When Brooks got drunk with the team for the first time, he confided in Hammersmith that getting drafted to Boston was a dream come true because of Roz and that he’d honest to god cried when Roz went to Ottawa before Brooks ever got to meet him. It’s the main reason Cliff brought them with him last night, instead of catching up with Roz alone. The rookies’ sad puppy eyes had been too much for even Cliff to refuse.
“Still,” Cliff says, because he can be a dog with a bone when he has to, “now that I know, I could meet her? Just grab lunch or dinner or something? I really want to meet the girl who got you to move to fucking Ottawa.”
Roz blows out breath. “Sure. Some day.” There’s something heavy in Roz’s expression.
Some day. It doesn’t sound like any day soon. And it’s glaringly obvious that it’s not Roz’s choice.
Cliff stares into his coffee and wonders about this girl—or woman now, considering how long they’ve been a thing—who made Roz settle down and move to the worst team in the league. Who works in a field where she doesn’t openly want to date a hockey player. Who comes to visit Roz sometimes but doesn’t want to live with him full time.
Cliff is starting to hate Jane from Montreal a little.
The kitchen is quiet now, everyone staring into their coffee cups, the rookies still in shock and Roz just tired.
In the silence, the noise of the front door opening is very loud.
Roz’s head snaps up immediately.
There’s some shuffling, maybe a bag dropped, then a voice calls out. “Ilya?”
The voice is male. And vaguely familiar.
What the fuck?
Roz has gone as white as a sheet and hurries out of the kitchen. “Hey. I have—”
“Oh good, you’re up, I thought maybe you got so shitfaced with Marleau yesterday you’re still unconscious,” the voice says. There’s more shuffling, maybe a coat hung up or shoes toed off.
“We did and Marleau is still—” Roz starts, standing in the hallway, but then Shane Hollander steps into view, steps up right to Roz, takes his face into his hands and pulls him in for a kiss. Right on the mouth. And it’s not just a little peck either, it’s a full on lip smash, tongue swipe, going in for seconds kiss on the mouth.
What the…
One of the rookies squeaks and Cliff stares and Roz is frozen and Hollander—Shane fucking Hollander— pulls back.
Hollander makes a face. “You taste like an ashtray rinsed with vodka.”
Roz makes a helpless croaky noise. “I—”
Hollander rolls his eyes, plants another kiss on Roz’s mouth and then says, “Go brush your teeth. I missed you.”
“I didn’t know you were coming early,” Roz says, desperately, pleading.
Hollander grins. “Surprise.” Then his face falls, apparently finally registering Roz’s expression. “Not a good surprise?”
Roz shakes his head.
There’s a clinking noise and every head in the room turns to the kitchen island where Brooks just turned over his coffee cup.
“Sorry,” he says, a small puddle of coffee spreading over the counter.
Hollander stares, wide eyed. “Fuck.”
“Yeah, so Marleau and the rookies got so drunk last night, they couldn’t remember their hotel or room numbers so I took them home,” Roz says, somewhat weakly.
“And you couldn’t tell me this?” Hollander hisses.
Roz shrugs. “Was also very drunk. And didn’t think you were coming until later.”
“The interview was canceled,” Hollander says, almost absently, his eyes flitting back and forth between Cliff and the rookies. “Oh god. Fuck.”
And Cliff… he shakes his head, thoughts finally kicking into gear again. Because suddenly Roz’s secrecy about his Montreal girl makes a lot more sense.
And it’s… a lot. Fucked up probably. What about their whole rivalry? How long has this been going on?
But no, Cliff knows this. Montreal girl has been around since rookie season. He just has a hard time translating this to Shane Hollander—Shane fucking Hollander—having been around scince rookie season in his head.
Shane Hollander. Montreal girl.
Shane. Jane.
Jesus Christ.
Cliff lets out an almost hysterical laugh.
Roz rounds on him immediately, gets a fist into his shirt. “Marleau, I swear, if you—”
Still laughing, Cliff raises his hands. “Roz, no. I just… fuck, you were right.”
“Right?”
“Your Montreal girl really is too good for you.”
And then Cliff laughs again. Because Roz is in love with Shane Hollander. Has been in love with Shane Hollander for years, maybe his entire career, and no one fucking knew. How the fuck did no one know? Because it’s fucking insane, that’s what it is, but here Cliff is, hungover in Roz’s kitchen where Shane Hollander—Shane fucking Hollander—just kissed Roz square on them mouth. With tongue.
Roz stares, then he laughs too. “He really fucking is. I’m still best hockey player though,” he adds and Cliff slaps him on the shoulder.
“My brother in Christ, Hollander always had you beat,” Cliff says, and it's at least halfway true, and it’s Roz’s turn to punch him and none too gently.
“What the fuck,” Hollander says faintly behind them and Cliff really should have recognized his voice immediately.
Roz turns around, and his whole posture changes. He walks over to Holland slowly. “Shane. Is okay. Cliff is okay.”
Hollander nods, then stares at the rookies. Cliff doesn’t think he’s ever seen Hollander afraid, but it’s clear he’s now. And Cliff gets it. This is… a lot. And this is not Scott Hunter kissing his cute smoothie shop boyfriend after his cup win. This is the biggest rivals of the league being in a relationship. It’s kind of incomprehensible. Except they’re both risking their entire careers for this, have been risking their entire careers for this, and even if Cliff doesn’t get it, it’s got to be the real thing and Roz is still his friend, so Cliff will help him protect this. Even if it means threatening the rookies.
Roz just looks at the rookies for a second, his eyes suddenly burning with a promise that usually means someone is about to lose a tooth on the ice, then he turns back to Hollander. “The rookies will not say anything,” he says, voice calm and soothing. “They know I will kill them if they do.”
Brooks makes a noise again and Svenson goes very pale.
“We won’t tell,” Svenson says.
“Yeah.” Brooks clears his throat. “My cousin is a lesbian, so like, I’m down with the rainbow.” Then he cringes immediately.
“Svenson, are you also down with the rainbow?” Roz asks sardonically.
“I’m Swedish,” Svenson just says as if that explains everything. And maye it does.
“Cliff?” Roz prompts.
Cliff raises his hands. “Hey, man, I’m an ally. I went with Hunter to his bar the last time we played the Admirals.”
“And… us?” Hollander says, still standing very still and tense.
Cliff shrugs, decides to be honest. “I mean, it’s weird. I don’t understand how that worked for you guys. But like, I’ve watched Roz moon at his phone over his Montreal girl for years.”
“I did not moon,” Roz says, outraged.
“So whatever you guys have seems to be the real deal,” Cliff continues. “And I’m a romantic at heart.”
Roz snorts. “Stacey really domesticated you.”
“Pot.” Cliff points at Roz. “Kettle.”
And Roz, Ilya fucking Rozanov, smile as happily as Cliff has ever seen.
He had too much anger to let go and he switched to hockey.
He gets into fights all the time.
He also is the most agile hockey player in the league.
He can jump over other players and land in a beautiful way no one else can without falling. He can spin over himself without getting disoriented and keeps playing as if nothing happened.
Nobody in the league knows his past in figure skating.
At the cottage Ilya talks about Irina and the sport they both loved.
Shane puts an old photo of Ilya figure skating in their room when they move in together.
Ilya Rozanov wants to take Shane’s last name. Even if it’s an outdated tradition, even if it is truly just rooted in misogyny.
He would like to become a Hollander.
Since he first started hockey, he’s been playing with his father’s name on his back. Every time he touches the puck, that’s what he’s called. He becomes a reflection of the man who hated him the most. He’d considered, before marrying Shane, that he could take his mother’s maiden name. Now, he has better reason.
He won’t play with the name on his jersey. Them both being Centaurs would make that weird, but he could take Shane’s last name and he could keep it for himself.
‘Mr. and Mr. Hollander.’ He quite liked the sound of that.
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something i don't see talked about a lot but always makes me emotional on re-reads of tlg is the fact that even after shane is unwillingly outed to the world, and as a direct result:
unjustly suspended from his job
condemned by one of his best friends
condemned by his teammates
dissected by the media
threatened by the commissioner
accused of cheating at the sport he has dedicated his whole life to; and
raked over the coals for a true accident
he STILL goes to watch ilya play
without question or concern, he sits in the audience to watch ilya in round 2 alongside the team that just kicked him out of the playoffs and caused tripgate
he spends tlg in debilitating fear over the possibility of someone figuring them out and goes to such extreme lengths to keep that from happening that he doesn't even have a photograph to show for an 11-year relationship
but still, ilya mentions he can get tickets for shane and his parents to come see him play and shane doesn't spend a second worrying it may fuel rumours, bring unwanted attention to his relationship, put him in a generally uncomfortable position - he actually brightens at the suggestion and then happily sits in the audience to cheer ilya on 😭
did anyone see that prank where the boyfriend wipes the bottle or straw of a drink they’re sharing with their significant other? i could see ilya attempting this.
ilya sets up the phone and tells shane they’re trying a new protein drink (bc shane wouldn’t be trying anything else), and they have to give their review. shane tries it first, shrugs because it’s a basic vanilla, “it’s not bad, maybe a little too sweet.” and then passes the bottle to ilya. ilya makes a big show of wiping the mouth of the bottle off with his shirt, and then takes a sip, while shane stares at him in confusion and then narrows his eyes. how dare he? danger, danger danger. “it is good, i like this protein dri—” ilya is cut off when shane grabs the bottle, takes another drink and then turns ilya’s face towards him and smashes their mouths together, spitting the drink into ilya’s mouth. ilya looks shocked (and turned on) , and shane looks pleased, wiping the excess off his lips as he looks back at the camera. “anyway, you should try it.”
Crucially #myshane plays to his twentieth season which is just long enough to have the experience of meeting Ottawa's new draft prospect, also named Shane, and to smile and jokingly say, "Hey nice name," and for the rookie to gulp and say, "Thank you sir I am named after you" and that makes Shane sit in his stall and stare at the floor between his skates for. Significantly too long to be healthy.
additionally after retirement he watches hockey as usual and there’s a match that has like 3 shanes on both teams and one of the commentators remarked at how many shanes there are and his colleague just stares at him like “why the fuck do you think?” and ilya cackles next to him because there are at least 5 shanes that had cycled through the ottawa roster since their 20th season and a few other in montreal and the atlantic division overall
You can tell Bill is the oldest because he drops everything and comes home to take a desk job back in England when Voldemort comes back. He stops his very exciting job in Egypt to settle back closer to home and help the Order/his family
meanwhile Charlie is like, “…is there a foreign relations component to this illegal organization? I am available through FaceTime if necessary.”
You do also have to think about the fact that Bill probably remembers the first Dark War really well (he was 10 when Harry’s parents were killed). So, yes, him dropping everything to help is very Oldest Sibling energy but also he knows how bad it is about to get.
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Ok but Cliff Marlow somehow managing to get into Ilya's phone after the Tunameltdown in the middle of the Hollandry crashout, and getting Montreal Jane's number.
The entire Boston roster piling behind Marly as he types, trying to decide what to say that could save them because their captain has been possessed by the spirit or a soviet military trainer with knife shoes and if they are forced to make double bagskates again they will either puke or die or both.
So Shane Hollander wakes up one day to a message from an unknown number like "Hello Miss Jane ma'am this is Clifford Marlow I don't know if you have heard of me I am sorry to be a bother I'm just wondering if you could give my good friend Ilya another chance, I promise that whatever he did he won't do again, we will help we will teach him to cook and clean and do laundry and he will cook you the best sandwiches ever if you only give him a chance only if you want of course if it's not too much of a bother Miss Jane please and thank you" and he goes through the seven stages of grief in like 4 seconds before it's even 7am. They manage to add the link to a very big spa gift card that they all chipped in to buy because at that point they're desperate.