🖤Salem_Valentine🖤

Still depressed af :(

Depressed and can’t sleep. I wish I wasn’t busy this weekend so I could just rot for a couple days until this episode blows over. Next week is gonna be so hard to get through if this continues. I’m afraid that I’m just stuck like this forever, that I’m never gonna truly be stable and episode free. At least I have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow and I’ll be able to increase my Lamictal dose, so that might help eventually. I just need to hold myself together until the meds kick in. I can do this (probably I hope)

So, my headmate that formed over a year ago is now not dormant anymore. I made another blog specifically for them called Raine The Nocturnal🖤

Figured out I am nebulasexual in addition to being nebularomantic. Guess that makes me an angled aroace. Now I am fully aspec in all attractions. (Nebula in all attractions except familial) All the allos fear me as I am the ultimate aspec final boss lol.

Feeling the random urge to break up with my gf again. I’m not sure if I get these urges because I’m arospec or if it’s because I’m traumatized and don’t think love is something I deserve. However, I’m not going to break up with her because I care about her and there’s way more pros than cons of dating her. I guess I’m getting the urge again because I don’t want to get married or live with a partner in the future and she wants those things. I think I’m afraid she’s going to break up with me for those reasons and so I feel the urge to break up with her before she can. Also, I feel like I’m a bad partner and that she deserves someone better than me. So the urge pops up because of that too. Is it a valid reason to break up with someone for just not feeling like dating anymore? Like, sometimes I think about changing our relationship label to friends that cuddle and fuck sometimes, but I don’t wanna break her heart ya know.

I’ve pretty much given up on trying to find friends/ a qpr online. It’s fine because finding people in person is much better anyways. I just hate being lonely. I’ll find someone eventually I hope.