Elevation

Have you shown respect to your body today? Bathe yourself. Do your hair. Drink plenty of water and eat nutritious meals. Get some fresh air, do some exercise, and don’t partake in anything that is self-harming. Your body has kept you alive and strong for all of these years and carried you through many situations, both happy and sad. Keep it healthy and functioning.

Have you shown respect to your brain today? Think positive things. Watch productive media. Do not entertain malicious thoughts. Make an effort to learn something new and feed your brain cool information on whatever interests you. Try to sleep at a good time tonight. Your brain health is so important to your entire being. Take good care of it.

the only thing that is able to get me to put my phone down is remembering that my phone is making me boring. spending time scrolling isn’t a hobby and by spending hours and hours on my phone there’s little to no time left for actual activities. all my leisure time is used up by my phone.

and the scary part is that if you don’t watch yourself, your screen time can completely take over your leisure time. you’ll look back and realize you haven’t spent any time doing hobbies, you’ve just been on your phone. you’ll catch yourself saying you “used to do” whatever hobbies you have or you “used to be into” whatever interests you have, because the truth is you haven’t touched them in months. or worse, a year. phone addiction can rob you of your hobbies and interests. without even realizing it, your phone can become your only pass time.

if you feel like this is you or if you want to prevent this, here are some of my tips and things you can fill your time with instead of your phone.

1. use your screen time for good

it’s gonna be hard to immediately make a habit of staying off your phone and having a lower screen time. so, start out by using some of the time you spend on your phone to benefit you. learn something. don’t just associate learning with school. this is your opportunity to chase knowledge out of passion and curiosity the way we’re meant to, not because we’re being forced to by a curriculum we didn’t choose nor have any interest in. whatever you’re interested in, however niche the topic, there are free resources out there. learn more about the thing you’ve wanted to be smarter about, learn more about your personal interests. and if you wanna take it a step further, there a free online courses and certifications you can get as well.

2. don’t have your phone be your only/main coping mechanism

don’t let your phone be your go to coping mechanism, that’s what makes the addiction extra hard to break. the constant stimulation makes for good escapism but it rarely makes anyone genuinely feel better. my suggestions are painting, reading, going for a walk, and journaling but everyone’s different so find out what actually works for you so you can have your own effective strategies ready to go instead of reaching for your phone.

3. find something you actually want to do

often times, when we brainstorm new hobbies and habits, it can be hard to ease into them because we’re simply not as interested in them as we thought. take reading as an example. most people want to want to read, their desire to become a reader and be a person who reads a lot is bigger than their desire to actually read. sometimes that’s just the reality. I’m not saying this to encourage you to just drop every new thing you try that you don’t immediately love, I’m saying that when you make a list of things you want to do to replace your phone, add one thing you know for certain you will enjoy. because the truth is, sometimes we’re on our phone because we genuinely want to be on our phone. we’re entertained by tiktok, we enjoy pinterest, we laugh at instagram. so yes, take the opportunity to find new and productive hobbies that will challenge and better you but also include things you know you already enjoy. don’t forget about the things you love, make room for them, because those’ll be the biggest things to help your screen time get lower. you’ll have a hard time if you replace entertainment with something that bores you, that’s just gonna lead to you going back to your phone.

4. watch films/documentaries

my favorite alternative to using my phone for leisure time is watching films or documentaries. it’s just as relaxing but there’s so much you can gain from it. watch movies from different countries, from different decades. learn about culture, gain a new perspective, be inspired. this is also a good way to slowly improve your attention span.

5. air dry clay crafts

super fun and can be a bit time consuming so it’ll be a great distraction from your phone

6. read comics

if reading novels doesn’t hold your interest and you want a chill activity to do to replace scrolling, than try reading comics or mangas, any and every form of storytelling is important.

7. make any kind of art

idc if you’re not “talented”, idc if it looks bad, make art. draw your favorite things, draw things you see in real life, draw from your imagination. use paint, use charcoal, use pastels, use markers. art is so versatile and will always be what I recommend for screen less hobbies. so many free tutorials and resources online as well. you can find and purchase art kits as well.

8. make collages out of pictures and magazine cutouts

ins

Create a routine that fits your real life, not someone else’s aesthetic version of productivity. → Tip: Build your routine around your energy levels, not trends or “ideal” mornings.

Allow your habits to evolve, because growth doesn’t always look the same in every season. → Tip: Check in with yourself monthly and adjust habits without guilt.

Choose balance over pressure, rest and joy are also part of personal growth. → Tip: Schedule rest the same way you schedule responsibilities.

Stop waiting to be “ready” and start now, small steps taken today matter more than perfect plans. → Tip: Ask yourself: What’s the smallest step I can take today?

Get clear on what you want (and what you don’t) so you can redirect your energy with intention. → Tip: Write a short “yes list” and “no list” to guide daily decisions.

Focus on the present instead of reliving the past, your power is always in what you do now. → Tip: When you catch yourself overthinking, bring your attention back to one simple action.

Practice daily gratitude, it rewires your mindset and helps you see progress where you thought there was none. → Tip: Write down one ordinary thing you’re grateful for each day.

Build habits that support your mental peace, not just your productivity or appearance. → Tip: If a habit increases stress, simplify it or let it go.

outs:

Following stereotypical trends that tell women how to live, think, or behave instead of encouraging individuality. → Tip: Question who benefits from the trend—and whether it aligns with your values.

The “high value woman” narrative that shames others, your worth is not measured by routines, habits, or aesthetics. → Tip: Replace comparison with self-respect and personal standards.

Putting influencers on pedestals, most are selling an image, not a reality you need to copy. → Tip: Use content as inspiration, not a rulebook.

Obsessing over looking rich or elegant, style should be about self-expression, not validation. → Tip: Wear what makes you feel comfortable, confident, and authentic.

Overcomplicated beauty routines, simple, consistent care works better than endless products. → Tip: Stick to the basics and focus on sleep, hydration, and nutrition.

Chasing unrealistic beauty standards, confidence and self-esteem create the real glow. → Tip: Limit content that makes you feel “less than.”

Believing your appearance defines your value, who you are matters far more than how you look. → Tip: Invest in skills, knowledge, and experiences that build inner confidence.

When you exercise u feel weaker, but you're actually getting stronger. when you're learning something new u feel stupid, but you're actually becoming smarter . so when you're improving, you will definitely feel vulnerable first, and this moment of vulnerability is actually a very very very important moment of progress. Many people give up during this process because they misinterpret these uncomfortable feelings as signs of failure rather than growth. We become tired, we feel weak, we develop that resistant mentality that says to u "you're not cut out for this." But these sensations are not indicators that we should quit they're evidence that we're pushing beyond our current limits and expanding our capabilities. This discomfort exists in the gap between WHO we are and WHO we're becoming.

Our muscles ache because they're rebuilding themselves stronger. Our minds feel overwhelmed because they're forming new neural pathways. Our confidence wavers because we're stepping into unfamiliar territory where mastery hasn't yet arrived. The key is recognizing that growth happens in the space between comfort and capability. When we grit our teeth and persist through these challenging moments, we don't just develop skills we develop resilience, mental toughness, and the profound understanding that temporary discomfort leads to lasting transformation !

There is a saying of Rumi : "try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead, let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?"

BE A STUDENT OF WHAT YOU ADMIRE

DO IT BADLY RATHER THAN NOT AT ALL

TO DESPAIR IS TO CEDE VICTORY TO THOSE WHO DO NOT DESERVE IT

BROADEN YOUR CULTURAL HORIZONS

REVEL IN THE ANALOGUE

ACTION ABSORBS ANXIETY

Many elders try to intimidate or humiliate you in order to feel better about themselves. Supervisors. Aunts. Mothers.

Respect is earned and some of them are undeserving.

Learn the art of knowing when to stay silent and when to speak up for yourself.

Remember when we talked about Law #9 -Win Through Actions, Not Arguments?

Set a boundary & send a reminder: you are not a child even if you’re somebody’s child. You’re an adult, a woman and would be treated no less than. Carry yourself as such.

Learn how to be “nice nasty” (i.e. a professional read)

Master eye contact

Put some bass in your voice. You sound whiny when arguing with “your man”. Practice deepening, lowering and tweaking your voice to adjust your pitch

Never hesitate to walk away in the middle of someone talking.

This post is specifically for my (darkskinned, non racially ambiguous) black women working in corporate settings with condescending Caucasians. Bullies (or narcs) test their victim’s boundaries before attacking them. They’re looking for signs of weakness.

Show them confidence instead

You need to speak up for yourself. Have that “diva” “serious” “bitch”reputation. You’ve earned respect, not cool points.

1. Practice your makeup application and techniques. For example, look up how to do monochrome makeup and halo eyes.

2. Research how to heal yourself and become resilient from stress and low self esteem. This way, when you resolve what aches you, you’ll be renewed.

3. Set alarms. Set alarms for bedtime, waking up, exercise and hygiene. This way, if you’re having a hard time you’ll have a schedule to follow.

4. Learn how to mix low end with a higher end. By higher end, I mean mid to premium brands instead of purely designer. There are so many resources to learn how to coordinate clothing.

If you complimented & talked good about yourself, you wouldn't accept someone who doesn't

If you cared about your well being & love languages, you wouldn't accept someone who doesn't

If you took yourself on dates, you wouldn't accept someone who doesn't

If you cared about your feelings, you wouldn't accept someone who doesn't communicate

If you loved, respected & accepted yourself, you wouldn't accept someone who doesn't