Anxious Gay

FREE PALESTINE / END THE GENOCIDE ON GAZA

This Tumblr post is the first time someone has explained to me *why* I couldn’t feed them before those instances.

every single time i have had to say, "i understand that if he had food or water, he could aspirate it into his lungs under anesthesia. i am not lying to you." THEN someone would make a little note and i would stop being repeatedly asked.

not a single time was that risk explained to me. the only reason it came up was because i already knew. i still don't understand why it isn't standard pre-op counseling or pre-op check information, when me as a parent acknowledging the actual risk also put THE MEDICAL STAFF at ease because i conveyed that i had informed understanding as reason to not lie about giving my kid food.

• they've started detaining students liberally. if you're going to the protest or coming from it they're very likely to detain you (the police has spread it check points all across central delhi). you'll be denied entry by auto or even walk, they'll either try to scare you away or detain you. if you're coming from other state especially by railway you'll be asked what are you here for & be asked to prove it.

• the government has blocked 17 metro stations surrounding jantar mantar. for some reason they're also covering up janpath & other nearby metro stations. all entrances to jantar mantar have been closed off & a complete internet shutdown near jantar mantar.

• they are denying lawyers contact with their clients. they've also been denied entry in police station to speak to their clients, that inspector has apologized qa of now & an internal investigation for his behaviour is said to have started.

• they're also making sure that the protesters have no access to food, water or electricity. last night electricity supply to janpath was cut off ++ the police are now stopping delivery men at check points & seizing food ordered by supporters from all across the country (don't worry they have enough food).

• cafes & shops in connaught place have been given a legal notice to shut down by 6 (since many of them were providing free water & washroom services to protesters). even nearby hotels have denied room booking to doctors.

• many creators have been offered money to speak against the protest & start a hate campaign.

• we are under complete state surveillance. the police is using meta ai glasses to record the protesters, and is later running a facial recognition check on them.

you've seen the jokes. india is "dirty", indians are "everywhere", why don't they fix their own country. ok. let me tell you why, and what's happening right now while nobody's watching.

first, the history you skipped: britain ruled india for two centuries and drained it. economist utsa patnaik's research estimates around $45 trillion in today's money was taken. the india that got independence in 1947 was one of the poorest countries on earth. every "why is india like this" question starts there. you don't get to profit off a robbery and then mock the crime scene.

now, what's happening RIGHT NOW:

in may the question paper for NEET leaked. that's the national medical entrance exam. over 2.2 million students took it. cancelled. years of studying, families' savings poured into coaching, gone overnight because someone sold the paper. students died by suicide after. these were kids who wanted to be doctors.

and out of that came a protest movement. a gen z group called the cockroach janta party, started by a 30 year old named abhijeet dipke, got 22 million instagram followers within DAYS. they've been doing a sit-in at jantar mantar in delhi demanding education minister dharmendra pradhan resign.

and then there's sonam wangchuk. if you've watched 3 idiots, he's the real engineer the character was based on. built solar schools in ladakh. invented ice stupas so himalayan villages have water. spent his whole life on education. he's 59 and he's been on hunger strike for 17+ days now. reporters went to see him this week and he was too weak to talk. and the troll armies are calling him "anti national" and "foreign funded". a man starving himself for other people's children. that's the thing here, anyone who asks a question is suddenly a traitor.

it's not one incident, it's everywhere you look:

• infrastructure worth thousands of crores failing within months of the ribbon cutting. tunnels collapsing in regions where heavy rain is a guarantee, not a surprise.

• youth unemployment near 10% for ages 15 to 29, 13.6% in cities. in a country of 1.42 billion where more than half the population is young.

• only about the top 3% of indians earn above 10 lakh a year. meanwhile billionaire wealth keeps ballooning and the headlines celebrate it.

• manipur burned for over two years. an ethnic conflict, tens of thousands displaced, and the prime minister barely said the word manipur while it happened.

• journalists raided. critics' houses bulldozed. activists sitting in jail for years without trial under laws like UAPA. our press freedom ranking has cratered.

• even the petrol is a fight now, ethanol blending pushed through while drivers complain about their engines and get no straight answers.

and through all of it, the PM, who came to power on religious polarisation (americans, sound familiar?), travels abroad for photo ops and has not held one single open press conference in over a decade. not one.

what i'm asking:

if you're not indian: share this. our media mostly won't cover any of it because the big outlets are owned by the same billionaires the government serves. the only reason wangchuk's fast is getting any coverage is people refusing to look away.

if you ARE indian: speak up even if you're comfortable. especially if you're comfortable. join the protests. add to this, correct me, translate it. staying quiet is a choice when nothing in this post touches your life.

india is not "dirty". india was robbed, and it's being robbed again, from the inside this time. but it's also the country where a 59 year old will starve for strangers' kids and 22 million young people will rally behind a party literally named after cockroaches, because cockroaches survive everything.

we can still save her. but only loudly.

GO OFF BESTIE

my most alarming symptoms started almost right after i graduated high school (age 18). i instantly started to become more withdrawn and reclusive. i had maybe 2 friends and i struggled to socialize with them and anyone else. i started struggling more with insomnia. i started becoming more and more convinced that other people could read my mind. i would be catatonic for sometimes hours.

for many years in my 20s, i became convinced i was a fallen angel punished by god. i have never been a christian in my life. i'm still not one. i also started believing i was God, that I could control the outcome of things. i had an 8 hour long psychotic episode where i was convinced that a character from a video game was in my house trying to kill me. i was and still am unbearably paranoid.

if i hadn't been diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2017, i would have never known why these things were happening to me, and worse, i may have believed some of my more dangerous delusions. i ended up starting antipsychotic medication and its been a huge game changer for me. not every schizophrenic person needs to be on medication, but it changed my life for the better. i'm definitely glad i'm in care for my schizophrenia now

i can actually sleep. i'm not scared shitless every single day. i'm not convinced there things in my house trying to hurt me. if you're dealing with things like this, it's okay to seek help. you're not alone. psychosis is stigmatized but its a real problem many people deal with. you shouldn't have to suffer in silence. you deserve to know if this is what's going on with you, and where to go from there.

I'm sorry but this is the exact thing I was talking about when I said "convenience does not rot your soul."

You talking to a person over the counter to order food at a restaurant is not an anymore meaningful interaction than talking to someone who delivered that food. Delivery and take-out have always existed. That option to pay more for that convenience has always existed. The major difference now is that most restaurants no longer employ people in-house to do delivery, because it's being done by contracted gig workers who get absolutely no benefits or protections. The major difference now are the working conditions.

I agree societal connections are good, but you just going outside to order food and the coming back is not meaningfullly participating in society. Removing deliveries or any sort of accesibility service (cafes not having wifi for example) will not force people to interact with strangers if they don't want to do that. Convenience facilitates people who already don't want to interact with others, but convenience isn't what's making people lonely! You cannot passively consume your way to community.