world's okayest mom

i’m sorry picsthatmakeyougohmm but this pic made me go hell yea babey elvis presley

picsthatmakeyougohellyeababeyelvispresley

“I either just met a nice gay girl or a bigot” is bar none the absolute best text anyone has ever sent in the history of the human race nosy mom accidentally sums up the entire debate about the word q*eer in one historic text message it’s indescribably beautiful

i wouldn’t want to meet anyone else

THE GOODEST COMEDIAN

the three universal truths: we live in a society, women be shopping, men get pegged

it’s so difficult not being able to use milennial humor in a corporate setting. like i made a mistake today and i wanted to tell my supervisor it’s because i suffer from Dumb Bitch Disease, but do you think that would fly?? fuck no. i gotta say shit like, “sorry for the misunderstanding!” i can’t wait till the workforce is made up entirely of millennials and i can say “sorry i drank idiot juice for breakfast this morning” and my coworkers will be like “oh worm.”

*sees one cop drive by* damn. way too many cops out today

im so thirsty for irl butch interaction. what do i need to do? stand in the middle of a hipster café and proclaim that the carabiner for my keys have broken, to have fifteen timberland-clad ladies come to my aid with their spares?

WEEKS after posting this i went to a half week butch camp and made friends for life. Reblog this post for luck to gain irl butch interaction

This is the most lesbian thing I’ve ever read

do you think there was like…discourse about Jane Austen novels when they first came out

ladies’ weekly tea and reading club: welcome to the meeting. we have exiled Charlotte because she stans Mr. Wickham

the real lie about who gives kids presents at christmas isn’t that they’re from santa (bc everyone over the age of 10 knows that), it’s that they’re from mum ‘and dad’ because 90% of fathers see taking an interest in their kids’ likes and hobbies, let alone actually planning and shopping for things that are ‘from’ them, as something they can opt out of (and nobody talks about it!!!!!!!)

for the record: i wrote 10k of indepth introspective character analysis turned personal projection fanfiction about francis from malcolm in the middle, never posted it anywhere, then changed all the names and submitted it for an lgbt essay scholarship as a dissertation on internalized homophobia’s psychological impact into adulthood and won $1000 so. first of all, follow your dreams, second of all, francis from malcolm in the middle is fucking gay