Some things about some books

Age 13: The first book I remember reading where I wanted the character to be aromantic was The Squad: Perfect Cover by Jennifer Lynn Barnes. I didn't know that word yet but I found the romances in the series to be shallow and tacked on. The friendships were more interesting, engaging, and filled with much more emotion. I wanted more scenes between the friend group rather than the scenes with the obligatory male love interest. I would tell people about these books and say, I loved them except the romance didn't really fit. And I still believe that now upon rereading Perfect Cover as an adult.

Age 13: Cut to all the paranormal YA fantasy I was reading when I was in middle school and I started encountering more and more gay characters. I was still at the point in my life where I assumed I only liked guys but also I was incredibly confused at the dating craze in my school. I remember Hex Hall by Rachel Hawkins was puzzling to me because Jenna, a prominent side character, was talking about her past relationship and was using she/her pronouns to refer to her ex. I didn't realize what it meant until later in the book, when I believe she explicitly calls herself a lesbian. After this book (and a few similar ones) I started expecting gay or lesbian representation in side characters of the books I read.

Age 14: The first book I read with a trans character was Eon: Dragoneye Reborn by Alison Goodman with Lady Dela who was hands down, the best character in the book. I was about 14 maybe when I read this book. I had not been exposed to trans characters, I didn't know anyone who was openly trans in my life but this book started poking at my idea of gender and what it means to be a girl or a woman. I have no idea how the representation holds up, but Lady Dela was a step forward for me, which I find incredibly meaningful.

Age 14: One of the first adult books I read was Sing You Home by Jodi Picoult. This was one of the first books I read with a central bisexual character, Zoe. Her having loving relationships with both Max and Vanessa made complete sense to me and why so many characters made a big deal about her identity was so odd for me. Why wouldn't she? Something I found powerful and touching was how Picoult was known for writing devastating books (ex. My Sister's Keeper) and she very intentionally wrote a happy ending for this book focusing on a same sex marriage. I remember my mom talking about this and maybe this is my current self projecting but that always felt so special to me. There's a CD that comes with this book and I listened to the last song, about the main character being moms, over and over again.

Age 14: A book that radicalized me was Beauty Queens by Libba Bray, which introduced me to intersectional feminism. In terms of queerness, there were three openly queer characters. There were also make out scenes between two girls and I liked those scenes a lot. Jennifer was an out lesbian, who ended up in a brief relationship with Soisie, who is bisexual, and they have a very sweet relationship. Petra is also out as a trans girl and also has a sweet romance with a pirate. Queerness was such an important part of this book and I think this was the book that made me think I might be bi!

Age 15: Malinda Lo is one of the co founders of the #WeNeedDiverseBooks and I found out about her through her book, Ash, a retelling of Cinderella. I found it very romantic and I still think of Ash and Kasia fondly. This book also started getting me interested in reading diversely and being intentional. Ash was a huge factor how I read books and think about the ways diversity in literature. This made me think about my place int he queer community as well. This was around the time I thought I might be bi but wasn't willing to commit to the label. I told a few people but they seemed... unsupportive. But through fiction, I was able to explore my identity in a way that was safe, even if I wasn't able to admit it to myself.

Age 17: The next story was also helpful in me exploring/being exposed to queer main characters with Turn of the Story aka In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan, which was written on her blog initially. I read each installment as it came out and I actively was shipping Elliot and Luke. They were probably the first mlm couple I shipped in a story that had multiple installments (at the time). It was also important in normalizing bisexuality for me. Elliot has multiple relationships with characters of different genders throughout this book and it was ... not a big deal! It was a little bit of a deal, but Elliot's life and choices felt very real to me, including his bisexuality.

Age 19: At this point, I was in college and I had realized I was ace and embraced my role in the queer community. This led me to talking a class focusing on queer literature. This included literature I enjoyed and found compelling (like Fun Home by Alison Bechdel) and the worst book I have ever read (Adam by Ariel Schrag). But what really great about it were the conversations around literature we had with people in the queer community about queer literature. it was a very validating experience. The experience was a great intersection of my queer identity and my love of literature and analyzing it. Truly an invaluable class.

Age 20: When I was in college, I started reading even more queer literature, talking about my experiences as an ace person, and posting about them on here. Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Kathryn Ormsbee was not the first book with an ace protagonist I read but it was one that mirrored my life most closely. I still remember crying while reading this book at like 1AM. This was such a validating book to read and I truly think it was a healing experience, reading this book. I actually have a hard tome recommending this book, as it feels too personal to share with others.

Age 25: No longer in high school or college, I still read YA sometimes and Ophelia After All by Racquel Marie is why I still pick them up. Ophelia's experiences of navigating realizing she was queer, shook lose so many memories I had fully repressed. There was an anxiety we both had as teens I had not realized and the tension in my shoulders loosened after seeing my shared experience. At this point in my life, I was comfortably queer, in a long term relationship with a woman (who is now my fiancee!!), and out to people in my personal and professional life. And yet I was still discovering aspects of my identity. This is when I realized the journey was neverending and also was a journey I loved being on.

Age 29: I currently have over 300 books listed in my LQBTQIA shelf on Storygraph and I love promoting queer media on my tumblr here and I attend a queer book club, I casually share book recommendations with queer rep and make book lists and for the library, from picturebooks to YA novels. I feel comfortable in my skin and I am writing blog posts like this about my queer journey. I've come a long way and I am proud of myself and proud I can share without fear.