im so tired of this life. i want to be a roomba. i want knives taped to me. and i want to be set loose.

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@dullblonde
im so tired of this life. i want to be a roomba. i want knives taped to me. and i want to be set loose.

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do people actually read books while in the bathtub
how do you not get everything wet
why is this making me laugh so fucking hard
THANK YOU FOR ADDING A VISUAL OMG
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that’s some damn tea
If extending a right to all people reduces your rights in any way? That means that right has been dependent on the oppression of someone else.
It means you’ve been profiting from the subjugation of others in some way. Are you good with that?
Wow this tea is SCALDING
iconic

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Marge is a ride or die kinda bitch
he really shouldve immediately died for this
All the ghost in the house when she said this
Humans are adorable.
Supporting evidence:
1. Humans say ‘ow’, even if they haven’t actually been hurt. It’s just a thing they say when they think they might have been hurt, but aren’t sure yet.
2. Humans collect shiny things and decorate their bodies and nests with them. The shinier the better, although each individual has a unique taste for style and colouring
3. Humans are not an aquatic or even amphibious species, but they flock to bodies of water simply to play in it. They can’t even hold their breath all that long; they just love to splash!
4. When night falls and the sky goes dark, humans become drowsy and begin to cocoon themselves in soft, fluffy bedding.
5. Some humans spend time in each other’s nests! Just for fun! It’s not their nest; they’re just visiting each other.
6. Some humans use pigments and dyes to make their bodies flashy and colourful! They even attach shiny dangly bits to their cartalidgous membranes!
7. Humans are very clever, and sometimes adopt creatures from other species into their family units. They don’t seem to notice the obvious differences, and often raise them alongside their own young!
8. If a human sees another creature in distress, they can commonly be observed trying to help! Even at their own risk, most humans are deeply compassionate creatures!
9. If a human hears a particularity catchy sound or tune, it will often mimic it, even to the point of annoying themselves!
10. Sneezes are entirely involuntary, and completely adorable. Especially when the human in question becomes frustrated
11. Humans love treats!!! Some more than others. Many humans will save these treats specifically for a later date when they are in need of comfort or reassurance. IE, pickles, pop tarts, Popsicles, etc
12. They’re learning to travel in space!!! They can’t get very far, but they’re trying!!! So far, they’ve made it to the end of their yard, and have found rocks
this sounds like it was written by a really enthusiastic alien humanologist
i’m cRYING
working full time is terrible why do we just accept that having 8 days off a month is normal and okay........ being alive could be cool but we waste it at our JOBS.... sorry i’m just heated about capitalism again i’ll be fine
8 days....never thought about it like that 😓
This seems really whiny to me. Like, I agree with you, work sucks, but our ancestors didn’t get to browse tumblr at their desks or have the option to gleefully spend their ENTIRE WEEKENDS horizontal on the couch stuffing their faces/watching tv/playing video games/wacking off. They didn’t have weekends. They just slaved away as fucking peasants from dawn to dusk until they died in childbirth or got the consumption.
I am perfectly happy working 8 hrs a day because I don’t have to:
grow my own food
find my own clean water
heat my house
shit in the woods
Hi, I study social and cultural anthropology. Humans working 40+ hours a week is 100% an industrial revolution thing and was not normal in the early stages of our existence. In fact, hunter and gatherer societies that still exist to this day spend about 15-20 hours a week TOPS working. The rest is dedicated to sitting around and telling stories and jokes, dancing, singing, eating, sleeping, fucking and so forth. Read a damn book.
People work themselves to death so sick f*ckers like Bezos can whine about what to do with all the money HE made. Think on that while you’re running to catch the bus to your 2nd or 3rd job.

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I overthink and then be right every time
They tried it
Don’t think that my boy Andy doesn’t know that neither

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SLPT homemade mouse trap