dreamless night

*cools ur dashboard down*

Everyone looks at Anakin and he just throws up his hands like ‘Wasn’t me!’

There’s a bunch of back and forth and people being offended and others being accusing and someone implies that Padme was adulterous and Anakin trying very hard to ride that line between 'Padme wouldn’t cheat’ and 'attachments? me?’ and someone finally just blows up and tells him that the FWB thing is fine, they just need to know if the baby is his to get ahead of the scandal journalism and to figure out if the kid is going to have his midichlorian counts and–

Anakin finally just says that, unless the impossible has happened, the kid is definitely not his blood, because Anakin doesn’t have a dick and never has, he’s trans, and the half of the room that suspected this is looking away, awkward as hell, and the half that didn’t is just sitting there, flabbergasted, and Obi-Wan has a hand over his eyes.

“Kenobi–”

“I wasn’t going to out my padawan without his consent.”

“You could have headed this off before we made fools of ourselves.”

“Would you have believed me if I said it wasn’t his without explaining why?”

listen. I understand if you dont want to see sex in a movie. But im begging you to think about how the prevalence of murder and acts of harm being portrayed in media vs. the censorship and hush-hush nature behind sex affects our relationships with it.

think about what this post is saying about the normalization of violence and demonization of eroticism. How sexual repression and the indulgence of violence lets a society be guided in a certain direction.

Everyone looks at Anakin and he just throws up his hands like ‘Wasn’t me!’

There’s a bunch of back and forth and people being offended and others being accusing and someone implies that Padme was adulterous and Anakin trying very hard to ride that line between 'Padme wouldn’t cheat’ and 'attachments? me?’ and someone finally just blows up and tells him that the FWB thing is fine, they just need to know if the baby is his to get ahead of the scandal journalism and to figure out if the kid is going to have his midichlorian counts and–

Anakin finally just says that, unless the impossible has happened, the kid is definitely not his blood, because Anakin doesn’t have a dick and never has, he’s trans, and the half of the room that suspected this is looking away, awkward as hell, and the half that didn’t is just sitting there, flabbergasted, and Obi-Wan has a hand over his eyes.

“Kenobi–”

“I wasn’t going to out my padawan without his consent.”

“You could have headed this off before we made fools of ourselves.”

“Would you have believed me if I said it wasn’t his without explaining why?”

Visualize what you want these 6 areas of your life to look like in the near future.

( 1 ) FINANCIAL a. What is your ideal annual income? b. Describe your ideal home situation to look like and its location.

( 2 ) CAREER a. What kind of organization or role do you envision yourself in? b. What type of projects or tasks are you passionate about doing?

( 3 ) RECREATION a. How do you prefer to spend your leisure time? b. Which hobbies or interests are you actively pursuing?

( 4 ) WELLNESS a. In what ways do you care for your mental, physical, and spiritual health? b. What kind of diet do you follow to stay healthy? c. What activities help you maintain your fitness?

( 5 ) RELATIONSHIPS a. How would you describe the quality of your relationships? b. How often do you connect with friends and loved ones?

( 6 ) PERSONAL LIFE a. What personal goals are you striving to achieve? b. What habits, values, and boundaries guide your daily life?

Remember: you can build your vision boards any time of the year.

I have to tell you the truth. That's not something that is perceived as "normal" behavior. Most probably this then means you may find it hard to believe the compliments you receive, perceiving them instead as insincere or exaggerated. You are more used to focusing on your perceived flaws and and limitations. How I know that is that I am facing with this challenge. A LOT. I am always trying to minimise my efforts, its always someone else I would put on pedestal rather that me, and I am shy to accept the compliment by saying simple - thank you. Noo, its always hard for me, and I have to put within that -oohhh noot a probleem, it was nothing at all, don’t thank me, thank you, etc.

While going on a therapy I learned this means that you have lost your key for your self -esteem in your childhood and you have to remember who took it away. Was it children at school, the bullying, your parents, brother, sister.. that one person hold the key to your self-esteem.

The main issue is to identify it. Second is to take that key away from them, figuratively speaking. That means you have to remember all the good things you have done by yourself, lets say- you have finished school, you know how to make your fav meals, you bought a car, an apartment.. you found love of your life, or you actually realise your own worth and move on from toxic friendship, relashinship or  business environment. Many things, even the small ones are your own victory. Every single time you have to acknowledge that, and acknowledge you!

Not to seek for validation among other people, but to be that one and first person from whom you will require to be proud on yourself.

Other words, you have to learn to accept all parts of your personality and all of your choices. Not for your choices to be approved by someone else.  

To summarise it, find that key and think  really thoroughly who could take it away. Because it was truly enlightening for me to learn such valuable information, I wanted to share it with all my like-minded friends who are struggling with the same issues. I hope it will help you and bring you awareness!

————————————

Da li vam je tesko da prihvatite kompliment?

Moram da vam kazem jednu istinu. To nije nesto sto se smatra "normalnim" ponasanjem. Najverovatnije to znaci da ti je tesko da poverujes komplimentima koje dobijas, i umesto toga ih dozivljavas kao neiskrene ili preuvelicane. Vise ste naviknuti da se fokusirate na svoje mane i ogranicenja, koje samo sebi postavljate.

Znam to jer se cesto suocavam sa ovim izazovom. Uvek pokusavam da minimiziram svoje napore, uvek bih nekog drugog stavila na pijedestal umesto sebe, i stidim se da prihvatim kompliment sa jednim jednostavnim - hvala. Ne, uvek mi je pretesko, i moram da dodam - ooo, nije problem, nije to nista, nemoj meni da zahvaljujes, hvala tebi, itd.

Kako idem na psihoterapiju, naucila sam da to zapravo znaci kako si izgubio kljuc za svoje samopouzdanje jos u detinjstvu i da moras da se setis ko ti ga je 'oduzeo'. Da li su to bila deca u skoli, neko nasilje, trauma, tvoji roditelji, brat, sestra... ta osoba drzi kljuc tvog samopouzdanja.

Glavni problem je identifikovati to. Drugi je uzeti taj kljuc od njih, figurativno receno. To znaci da moras da se setis svih dobrih stvari koje si uradio sam, recimo - zavrsio si skolu jer niko nije ucio umesto tebe i zagrejao stolilicu, znas kako da spremis svoja omiljena jela, kupio si auto, stan... pronasao si ljubav svog zivota, smrsali ste, krenuli da trenirate, procitali ste svoju prvu knjigu, setate svaki dan ili ste zapravo shvatili svoju vrednost i napustili toksicno prijateljstvo, vezu ili poslovno okruzenje. Mnoge stvari, cak i one male, su tvoje sopstvene pobede. Svaki put moras da priznas to, i da priznas sebi kako si vredan i dostojan!

Ne da trazite validaciju medju drugim ljudima, vec biti ta prva osoba od koje cete traziti da budete ponosni na sebe!

Drugim recima, moras nauciti da prihvatis sve delove svoje licnosti i sve svoje izbore. Jer ukoliko su tvoji izbori odabrani a potom i odobreni od strane nekog drugog, zauvek cete ostati zaglavljeni u procesu unepredjena sebe.

Dakle, pronadjite taj kljuc i razmislite stvarno temeljno ko vam ga je mogao oduzeti. Preuzmite kontrolu nad svojim zivotom. Jer meni je zaista bilo prosvetljujuce saznati vrednu informaciju poput ove, i htela sam da podelim sa svim mojim istomisljenicima koji se bore sa ovim izazovom. Nadam se da ce vam sluziti i osvestiti vas!

Visualize what you want these 6 areas of your life to look like in the near future.

( 1 ) FINANCIAL a. What is your ideal annual income? b. Describe your ideal home situation to look like and its location.

( 2 ) CAREER a. What kind of organization or role do you envision yourself in? b. What type of projects or tasks are you passionate about doing?

( 3 ) RECREATION a. How do you prefer to spend your leisure time? b. Which hobbies or interests are you actively pursuing?

( 4 ) WELLNESS a. In what ways do you care for your mental, physical, and spiritual health? b. What kind of diet do you follow to stay healthy? c. What activities help you maintain your fitness?

( 5 ) RELATIONSHIPS a. How would you describe the quality of your relationships? b. How often do you connect with friends and loved ones?

( 6 ) PERSONAL LIFE a. What personal goals are you striving to achieve? b. What habits, values, and boundaries guide your daily life?

Remember: you can build your vision boards any time of the year.

Helllloooooo it’s been ages since I promised to do this and I’m SO sorry it’s so late but I finally got around to actually writing this post today so here it is :P @abalonetea​ and @inkwell-attitude, I think you both wanted to see this! (sorry to everyone else about the long post incoming!) DISCLAIMER: This is just my process, I’m not claiming it’s the best or that everyone should do this or that it works for every project. I don’t do this for short or simple stories, only for novel-length WIPs with complicated facets, but the process *can* be distilled for something less complex. 

Step 1: Brain Dumping

At this point, I probably have some semblance of a premise and characters for this idea, and possibly also an endgame idea of where I want to take the story but not middle or clue of how to get from point A to point B. This is where you collect ALL the thoughts. Usually, I do this between phone notes and a document on my laptop for brainstorming, but you can use voice memos or whatever else works. I’ve drawn ideas on my hand in pen during a lifeguarding shift before and just taken pictures of my inked-over arm before I have to jump into the pool again. It happens. In any case, you have ideas.

Step 2: Put it in some semblance of order by using a map

[Image ID] a blurry picture of a whiteboard covered in ideas in various covered pens looking something like a conspiracy theory board. This is the outline I was working on last night for the first book in the Laoche chronicles but it’s so vague at this point that I don’t think spoilers really matter. [end image ID]

The next objective is to put the random ideas in a linear order. I collect all the thoughts into one spot and dump them on the board. I color code, so first I write down all the set plot-points in the approximate order in the black pen, start to finish, and leave space above and below for stuff has to happen in the middle. 

Then the characters come in. I generally know backstories so those get dumped around the starting point in green. I figure out what characters are driving the plot and draw arrows between said plot points writing what the character does in the green pen. I include motivations, feelings, alliances, anything that might possibly be important to the plot too.

Then come logistics and filling in - that’s in red. You could also use conspiracy theory string. Where are they in the world? What needs to happen next? Where do I have plot holes? What makes the characters tick? What makes sense to happen next? What needs to happen to get to the end? What worldbuilding needs to get figured out to enable this plot point? Write it ALL down on a separate piece of paper and start brainstorming again. When you’ve got a good connection, add it. You’ll start to notice the board is starting to fill up. It won’t be linear anymore. That’s fine. 

Step 3: Flesh it out

[image ID] a poorly lit photo of a board covered in sticky notes of different, some overlapping each other. This is only a corner of the board because it’s the outline for Storge and I only took a picture of the first few chapters [end ID]

This is where it starts getting real. I take everything I have on the whiteboard (which at this point is a disaster) and transfer every plot point, character interaction, motivation, worldbuilding thing, pacing notes, anything about unreliable characters, author notes about who knows what at certain points (both the characters and the reader), plot twists, and anything else from the notes that didn’t make it to the whiteboard and reconstruct the story on a board.

The reason I use sticky notes is because you can move them around, layer them, and space them to create a cohesive narrative. If I need to play with timing, I can do that easily. If I need to connect plot points to characterizations or anything else, I can do that with layering and spacing next to each other. I’m still color coding at this point. I can start slapping on stuff like “which day does this happen on? What kind of transitions do I need?”, chapter divisions, and thematic elements. You’ll notice there are more holes. Fill those in sooner rather than later.

Step 4: Outline Time

I obviously can’t take my carefully made board with me to school so now it’s time to put it into a document. At this point I should preface this with the fact that I really like the 3 act structure, so I start my outline with that before anything else, like so, using headings to make a document outline - that way I can jump around the outline using the outline quickly. Probably a bit extra but it saves a ton of time

[image ID] a Microsoft word document outline with a hierarchical structure that shows acts, plot points, chapters, and chapter titles. [end ID]

Once that’s been filled out, I start putting the information from the board into the outline structure, and I make sure to cover EVERYTHING something like this: (with color-coding)

Chapter #/Title

Day of the narrative: this helps me keep time and iron out the pacing

The objective of the chapter: what does the reader need to learn, what is the one big thing that happens plot-wise

Main Plot Happenings - this goes in red text and details what actually happens in the chapter. For Storge, this is the plotline that follows Luca and the Laine family (when they’re together)

If there are subplots, these go here too in other colors. Orange for villainous cutaways. Purple for anything with the avian city/war subplot

Character arcs: these are green. I bullet point a list and name every major character in this chapter. anything important to their arcs goes here, as well as how I’m writing them. What are the emotions involved? This is normally the longest part because I have a lot of characters

Worldbuilding: What does the reader need to learn about the world from this chapter? This helps me space out the exposition. Details come up on a “need to know” basis, so there’s new worldbuilding in every chapter but no page-long dumps anywhere.

Themes: WHY is this chapter important? How is it contributing to what I want to say with this story?

Any other author notes about unreliable narrators, plot twists, foreshadowing, and what the reader should know at this point in the story. The goal is that you don’t anticipate the twist, but rereading it there’s a “HOW DID I NOT SEE THAT BEFORE” reaction, so this is more for my sake as a storytelling-craft thing.

Any excerpts or dialogue or description that I pre-wrote in the brain-dump phase and liked and think would fit well in this chapter.

Repeat with every chapter until you’re done.

This takes a long time, and I’m always revisiting and reworking that final outline once I’ve finished it but it’s such a huge help to set me on the right path without detouring 565479851321 times because I realized there was a plot hole too late. It’s overly complicated and incredibly intense and in-depth so It’s not for everyone but I like my 30-page long outlines, so here I am :P

So I made my own as a whiteboard and stuck it on the fridge.

It's divided into 3 main categories: perishable foods, shelf-stable foods, and foods for specific individuals in the house.

All of us eat veggies and eggs and peanut butter, but large bastard is the only one who eats frozen pizza and sandwich rolls. All of us eat tofu and carrots, but I'm the only one who needs bread from a specific store and eats lunch meat.

This makes it easy for me to tell at a glance where shopping needs to be done (if I need a bunch of stuff then we have to go to trader Joe's, but if all we need are staples we can go to aldi; if we're low on a lot of pantry items but don't need any produce we can go to walmart).

The way that I put together the board is by figuring out the stuff that had most often necessitated a trip to the grocery store for just that one item. I can't tell you how many times I have started getting ready to cook and then had to run out and get onions because I forgot that we were out of onions.

Now if I'm down to one or two onions i put a dot on the board and the next time i go shopping i get onions. When i open the last bottle of tamari or bag of coffee, i put a dot on the board.

It's also a really handy list to have while getting ready to shop because we can stand in front of it and use it as a reminder to *check* what we're low on. Do we need milk? Open the fridge and figure out if we'll run out before the next time we go shopping. Does tiny bastard need more peas to reward her for taking her insulin? Open the freezer before we gather up the shopping bags to find out.

Then it's super easy to take a photo and go shopping, and when we get back to erase the dots for stuff we got but leave the dots for stuff from another store or that was out of stock.

I've been using system for a few months now and it has been very helpful for preventing food waste and for reducing the number of trips we take to the grocery store, both of which save us money.

It's made out of a small whiteboard (about 9x14 inches) that i glued magnets to. The list items are written in permanent marker and the dots are dry erase marker. I put dots in the center of the boxes because if you overlap permanent marker with dry erase, it will wear away the permanent marker.

Hello everyone,

I found some coping skills that I think are helpful.

I know the text is hard to see, so I’ll leave it below:

Self-Soothing

(Comforting yourself through your five senses)

1. Something to touch (ext stuffed animal, stress ball)

2. Something to hear (ex: music, meditation guides)

3. Something to see (ex: snowglobe, happy pictures)

4. Something to taste (exi mints, tea, sour candy)

5. Something to smell (ex: lotion, candles, perfume)

Emotional Awareness

(Tools for identifying and expressing your feelings)

Examples:

A list or chart of emotions, a journal, writing supplies, drawing / art supplies

Distraction

(Taking your mind off the problem for a while)

Examples:

Puzzles, books, artwork, crafts, knitting, crocheting, sewing, crossword puzzles, sudoku, positive websites, music, movies, etc.

Mindfulness

(Tools for centering and grounding yourself in the present moment)

Examples:

Meditation or relaxation recordings, grounding obiects (like a rock or paperweight), yoga mat, breathing exercises.

Opposite Action

(Doing something the opposite of your impulse that's consistent with a more positive emotion)

1. Affirmations and Inspiration (ex: looking at or drawing motivational statements or images)

2. Something funny or cheering (ex: funny movies / TV / books)

Crisis Plan

(Contact info of supports and resources, for when coping skills aren't enough.)

Family / Friends

Therapist

Psychiatrist

Hotline

Crisis Team / ER / 911

I hope many of you find this helpful. The source will be below.

✨ Having trouble thinking outside the box because of one-track thinking (plus years of conditioning from school) 

✨ Struggling with answers that most people think are simple because you think it has to be done a certain way (again, one-track thinking) 

✨ That specific ADHD & Autistic mood where you have intense special interests but they come and go periodically, so you don't hyperfixate on something for long 

✨ Slow Processing Speed, especially where your brain is fast but your body struggles to keep up with it so you can't react physically in time for most things

✨ Having facial expressions that always seem a little flat or stilted regardless of how strong your emotions actually are

✨ Gastrointestinal Issues (which are actually very common with Autism) 

✨ Poor Volume Control, like being totally oblivious when you're too loud or too quiet

✨ Having a hard time reading both tone and volume, such as feeling like someone is yelling at you based on their tone of voice instead of the volume

✨ Thinking in pictures or having a very visual, audio or physical-based learning style and ONLY being able to learn like that 

✨ Saying things that sound good to you in your head, but that seem inappropriate or weird to everyone else

✨ Unusual sense of humor that rarely lands with neurotypicals

✨ Good long term memory for things related to your special interests, but being unable to remember important things like appointments

✨ Very high or low pain tolerance

✨ Being hypersensitive to some stimulus and hyposensitive to others, possibly even both for the same sense depending on the situation

✨ Skin picking, hair pulling and other non- suicidal self injury, particularly when under stimulated or anxious

✨ Not getting jokes

✨ Not understanding phrases, like how when I was a kid I thought rolling your eyes meant rolling them all the way around in a circle

✨ Needing a guardian or help with seemingly simple daily activities

✨ Feeling the need to over explain everything so you're not as likely to be misunderstood

✨ How everything feels louder, brighter and genuinely painful when overstimulated and during a meltdown

✨ Talking too fast or too slow 

✨ Having your mind run so fast that your physical body can't keep up so you end up messing up words or phrases because you're brains too fast for your mouth

✨ Being legitimately unable to participate in conversation if there's too much background noise or you're distracted in some way. Like how in school I would say something completely different than what I was planning to say because people were talking in the background.

I'll probably add more to this later!