nancy

Kitty is the youngest of the three Covey sisters, and unlike Lara Jean and Margot, she has hardly any memory of their mother. This lack of memory can create a sense of disconnection, even unreality - as if their mother never existed for her. It can also lead her to feel outside the pain shared by her sisters, which is quite an isolating experience.

In the movies, Lara Jean and Margot share memories that Kitty can never really understand, and this may create some frustration or sadness in her. She knows that their mother was an incredible woman, but she has to rely on stories, photos or objects rather than personal memories. In the show, her desire to reconnect with her mother's Korean roots by going to Seoul is also seen in this light: she wants to explore and understand a part of her heritage that her mother would have liked to pass on to her. It's a way of getting closer to her, even if it's by proxy.

In the show, Kitty talked a lot about her mother with her friends rather than with her family in the movies (maybe it's just a lack of time as the movies don't revolve around her) but I thought about that with Lara Jean, Margot and her father, talking about her mother meant being part of a shared grief. Her sisters have concrete memories of their mother, which may make her feel outside this connection.

Being in Korea, naturally triggers a deeper interest in her maternal heritage. Kitty grew up in the US, where her connection to Korean culture was more limited. By discussing Eve Song with people who didn't know her, she can also rediscover her in a different light. She is no longer just the "perfect mother" she hears her family talk about, but a real person, with a history, a past and connections she never knew she had. With strangers or friends, Kitty can choose how she talks about her mother, without fear of being contradicted or corrected. She can ask questions freely, express her doubts or even her fears without them being filtered through the memories of her family. It's a more neutral space where she can explore her feelings without coming up against the nostalgia or emotion of those close to her.

Kitty is often described as sarcastic, direct and even a little arrogant. She has a very determined, even intrusive temperament, which can be interpreted as a way of filling a void and a defence mechanism. She tries to solve other people's problems, to bring people together, to organise life around her, as if she wanted to maintain the family cohesion that their mother would have ensured. If we look at her behaviour, Kitty spends a lot of time repairing relationships and preventing separations. Her need to play matchmaker or mediator (Lara Jean and Peter, her father and Trina, Yuri and her mother, Alex and his biological family, etc.) can be seen as a symbolic way of compensating for the irreversible loss she has suffered. It's as if she's trying to 'repair' what seemed broken in her childhood. The fact that she gives her mother's necklace to Dae after the loss of his own is a very significant gesture: she transforms her personal grief into a way of helping someone else overcome theirs. This loss of her mother is a brutal rupture in her reality, but at 3 years old, Kitty was too young to understand or act. By bringing people together, she fights against unpredictability and separation.

Also, bringing people together could be her way of making sure that she still has a place, that she's needed in the dynamics of family and friendships as she feels disconnected to her mom compared to Margot and Lara Jean and her father.

Kitty is more into action than introspection. Unlike Lara Jean, who is dreamy and melancholy, Kitty externalises her emotions by actively intervening in the lives of others. This allows her to avoid confronting her own inner emptiness. Like, Kitty expresses the fear of being like her mother but “in the worst ways”, and this reveals a new layer to her relationship with maternal absence. She has always idealised her mother, trying to follow in her footsteps, but this statement suggests that she is beginning to feel pressure, even anxiety, at the idea of not measuring up.

All her life, she's heard about her mother as an incredible woman, and she herself has tried to emulate her (for example, by going to South Korea, exploring her Korean heritage, trying to maintain family ties). But the shadow of an idealised parent can be overwhelming: what if, despite all her efforts, she never manages to live up to it? This pressure can lead to a fear of failure and doubts about their identity. Perhaps, in her vulnerable moments, Kitty wonders if she really is like her mother or if she's just an imperfect, flawed version.

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