If you have felt chronically invalidated or don't trust your own decision making skills and want to feel more confident in your own abilities, I would suggest trying some or all of these things;
Find someone you trust and respect to be your sounding board. NOT the person/people who make you feel small and incompetent! The point is to teach your mind and nervous system that your invalidator doesn't have some sort of secret higher knowledge nor a monopoly on logical thinking.
Sit with your decision privately for a while. Don't ask others opinions, don't look for outside validation, don't give yourself the opportunity to be immediately discouraged by the invalidating person/people. Sit with yourself in your quiet moments. Wonder about what that decision might look like and how you might feel after. What do you want? Will it make you happy? Will it make your life better, even a little?
Try recognizing the small, safe decisions you make that end up going right. You tried a new sandwich place and it ended up being really good. You took a chance on that book and you learned a lot. You took a different route to get to work and saw a cool house. You make a TON of decisions every day--there are plenty you have already made that were a good idea!
When you're ready for outside input, start with your trusted source or other supportive environments. Tell someone you trust to not immediately shut you down or dismiss you--a therapist, an online friend, a respected community leader, a kind relative, or even that friendly barista you chat with. Give someone a chance to respond with enthusiasm, thoughtfulness, and reciprocation. There are people who will delight in your successes and support your ideas. Find them in your life!
No self defeating language!! No 'i probably can't do it', no 'but I'm not good at that', no 'i always fail'. Talk about how you feel, not defining reality before it even happens. 'I'm really worried I won't meet my own expectations' or 'in the past, this has been really hard for me'. This opens the door to solutions, support, and reflection with the people you're talking to. It invites them into a conversation about times when they didn't feel confident or let's them suggest things that have helped them in and similar situations in the past! You open a dialogue for yourself instead of entrenching yourself in old stories that might not even be true. Don't stop yourself before you even start.
Pay attention how much YOU notice/don't notice other people in public. Chances are, you are sensitive about feeling judged or silly. You might think that that cashier is rolling their eyes at you, that guy that looked up when you walked in is annoyed you're here. Pay attention to how much YOU think about random strangers. That janitor you saw the other day: do you remember their shoes/hat/nails/etc.? Are you studying and judging the people walking by you on the street? As a general rule, other random people in public are paying about as much attention to you as you are to them. Everyone has stressful lives, a list of things to do, and songs stuck in their own heads. (This is barring things like transphobia, racism, sexism, and other micro/macroaggressions, of course. I acknowledge that this is not a privilege granted to everyone.)
Ask yourself 'what is, realistically, the absolute worst that can happen from this decision?' Especially if the decision is fairly low stakes and non-permanent, like getting a daring haircut or color, trying those new, loud earrings, trying to grow/shave your facial/head/body hair. I find it useful to follow up fearful thoughts with, 'okay, and then what?' (ex. "What if it looks terrible?"-- "Okay, then what?"-- "I'll be embarrassed and people will think I look weird!"-- "Okay, then what?" --"They might stare at me or make a mean comment!"-- "Okay, then what?" "I'll feel bad!"-- "Okay, then what?" Your hair will grow back, people whose opinions you care about won't be cruel and life will move on.)
THEN ask yourself; 'What could go right?' Balance! If you're spiralling or panicking with 'what ifs', try to make the opposite just as proportional and realistic. Even if it's hard to envision yourself succeeding, if your brain says something like; 'I could fail and then lose all my friends and I'll die alone!!' you can always make sure to counter with 'or I could succeed SO well that someone falls in love with me on the spot and I get a million bucks and move to my own private island'. Illustrate how ridiculous both sides of the spectrum are! Put into perspective the likelihood each of these scenarios.
Remember, no one else is you. Other people have knowledge of what worked for them, ideas and world views they are operating on that they will be convinced is the ONLY and BEST way. They. Are not. You. They can advise and suggest and caution, but only YOU can live your life. You will be affected. You know what works and what doesn't (or you can learn). You are the only one you spend every moment of every day with. You are your own closest companion. There is no one who knows more about you than YOU. Other people may have different insights and observations that may help you know yourself better, but they can ALSO have false, ill fitting narratives that have more to do with their trauma or internal story than they actually do with you. Question the stories given to you about yourself. Question when someone defines you, labels you as something that just feels bad--lazy, sloppy, loud, annoying, ditzy. Something in you just balked at that story. Find out why!
Accept that you might not be able to convince/change your invalidator. Look. This person or people might well be someone you love dearly, live with, or has some sort of power over you. You might not want or be able to cut contact. They may be unpredictable, sick, struggling with their own stress, from a completely different culture/mindset/generation. They may even acknowledge that this is something they need to work on but then never do. The only thing you can be certain to have control over changing is yourself. You cannot wait for them to decide that it's important enough to change their behavior because they haven't so far. You don't need to harbor anger or resentment in this process of healing (though, if you do, that's perfectly valid and normal). You don't need to feel like you're gearing up for a confrontation with them. It doesn't need to be about them. This is about you trusting yourself. It's about you living the life that settles you, fills you, grounds you. It's about getting to a place of being comfortable with uncertainty and expansion. You deserve to grow, heal, and change. It's not about them. This isn't about them.
Feel confident in your decision before you tell your invalidator. When you have a network of trusted sounding boards, go to them, talk out the pros and cons, the logistics and your worries. Talk through the logic of it so you know your plan and you feel comfortable (or as comfortable as you can) with your decision. If it's something your invalidator needs to know, make sure you aren't looking for their approval; you're telling them your decision. Be unassailable. Feel calm and confident. Be at a point in your decision that even their worst, most invalidating or dismissive reaction will not sway your resolve.
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