come on provolone!

Coking the stage (mopping it with diluted soda so it's a little sticky) is a legitimate low-budget tactic for slick floors, but he just poured so much Pepsi on the floors that for about a whole week, it was audible.

Maybe... can have shit in Detroit?

Already know I wanna send this to people on June 1

The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.

His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.

"calypso delivers a monologue about the unfair double standard applied to gods vs. goddesses when it comes to slutting around with mortals" really does sound like a scene someone would insert into an odyssey adaptation to make it more woke and "odysseus grabs a branch to cover his dick so he doesn't scare off the teenage girls he's about to stumble on naked" really does sound like a scene someone would insert into an annoyingly modernized odyssey adaptation that would get criticized for marvelesque humor. but beautifully and happily these are both things that simply factually happen in actual homer's* actual the odyssey