Non-Binary Fairy

gender is a coin that everyone said was gonna land on heads or tails but i turned mine into one of those pressed pennies from the museum. it’s got a dinosaur on it

mine has a space shuttle

"get his ass" is such an inherently funny phrase

u know what i miss? all the bro posts

bro one *over the phone*: bro i miss those bro posts bro two: not as much as i miss your eyes bro bro one: bro

Fuck it. *glows pink in the night in my room*

This was my actual favorite part of working in a theater. People would come in and use a string of words no human had ever uttered and I’d have to be like “ohhhhkay let’s parse this out.”

Don’t… Don’t movie theaters have…the names of the movies… Right… There?

Ah, see, the problem here is that you’re making the common mistake of assuming people bother to read anything. At all. At any given point. When in the presence of customer service worker.

it straight up smells like spiders in here

Mentally I'm at the farmer's market with the love of my life, buying fresh fruits and vegetables 🥺

mentally at a local cafe with the love of my life buying one of every freshly baked pastry so we can try them all

they call me profen because i be

My husband’s job primarily employs adult men but there is one (1) teenage girl and my husband said originally he worried she might be a bit of an outcast but instead every man on the crew was like “huh guess I am a dad/older brother now.”

She was in a car crash on the way to work one morning and called my husband to let him know she’d be late and he was like wtf guess I’m gonna be late too because I’m coming to pick you up and then he told his team and they were like I think you mean WE are coming.

Imagine you are a teenage girl probably rushing to get to work and you crash your probably new car and feel absolutely miserable and now you’ll be late to work but then suddenly in the distance a car full of all the adult men you work with just pulls up and is like “we came all the way here to pick you up” the mental image right now is fr.

This is possibly my favorite response to this post

*pulls you closer* youre failing trigonometry

What’s funny is that this actually happened. 

I’m unfamiliar with this story please elaborate

Finnish soldier gets separated from the rest of his unit but he’s the only one carrying the emergency amphetamines for the unit, takes too many and goes on a one man rampage for like 2 weeks straight giving the opposing Soviet soldiers nightmares for decades. Oh and he did it all on skis. 

Did he survive?

Yes, during his methed up 2-3 week rampage he got injured by a land mine, travelled 400km on skis, and only ate pine buds and a Siberian Jay that he caught which he ate raw. When he made it back to Finnish lines he was taken to a hospital where it was found his heart rate was nearly 200 beats per minute and his weight had dropped to 43kg (94.7lbs).

Those are the eyes of a man who has seen god and laughed

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING