Dragon Enthusiast

relationships and jobs are temporary. your shitty unpopular tumblr blog is forever

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”

Why does this not have any notes?

lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”

“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”

“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”

Pro tip: Don’t do this if you recently applied for a new job.

I feel like there’s a story behind that advice…

uncle leo’s pizzaria and abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce

kung pow penis was invented by a particular blogger to annoy a particular reactionary chud, neither of whom are on the site anymore. and yet the tool, once so singular in its application, remains to serve future generations.

*notices a blue dot on the horizon* ah!!!! me pengy *a bullet passes right through my skull*

if a counter-sniper catches even a WHIFF of her baja blast tittums then all of the blood in their body IMMEDIATELY rushes to their Penas & balls and it stays there. they will drop dead in seconds

Knuckle tattoo that says %APP DATA

You never know what color pallette someone's Tumblr is till ppl are screenshotting posts and tags

Oh wow.

Some people on tumblr are reading ancient scrolls and you'd never know

@so-i-did-this-thing

just remembered that my middle school bullies were named Chase and Hunter. what was up with that. what was going on there.

“word hashtag my word #myword” has done irreversible damage to my vocabulary

Teleporting does kill you but it also launches your soul through samsara in a sort of geostationary orbit velocity, so you reincarnate instantly.