Rough Around the Edges

He literally waited until she passed to try to step back in. This woman was in a medical coma for years. So the illness wasn’t the reason.

If Marcus decides to not let his dad be directly in his life again that’s okay to have that boundary.

I also think it could make Carmy realize he can do the same with Donna now if he choses to. Marcus is one of the few people that challenges Carmy about why he does stuff.

Syd already told Carmy that he didn’t need the chaos. The second Donna gets Carmy alone she retraumatizes him and doesn’t let him speak or ask how he feels and then she asked to have access to his life again.

He doesn’t owe her that. Especially not after her doing microaggressions and directing it at Syd. If Nat wants that it’s her choice but Carmy doesn’t have to participate in that.

Also Donna is interested in Carmy (just like Claire was) after he left and came back and was an award-winning chef and “so handsome”.

I doubt we’ll ever see the missing Berzatto dad again. And I think Carmy’s dad has always been around and it’s Lee. Lee doesn’t want to have a relationship with Carmy; he wants one with Donna.

I just realized the reason I like Dennis and Carmy so much (even though I’m sapphic) is because they look pretty instead of handsome if that makes sense

Remember Michael was a tall, handsome and charismatic 42-year-old man who likely could have had any woman he wanted. There are many women attracted to a guy with Michaels issues. Hell, we have Claire in the show.

There are many men who have issues of confidence (especially in their sexuality) after having an abusive mother. I believe there is some physiological theories around it, I'll have to look. Donna was also a woman who had issues with men but wanted their attention, and that could had made both Michael and Carmen have conflicting feelings about sex, especially sex with woman.

But to begin here, there is a big possibility that Carmen genuinely doesn't trust woman, not to be their “partner” or “friend.” Both Tina and Nat, the only women he trusts and ask for advice serve in a motherly role to him. If Claire didn't explicitly used her charm and sexuality to make him trust her, he wouldn't do it, and we know he never trust her beyong trauma dumping and dating her.

Contrast all that with Sydney, in which he trusted basically upon meeting her, the one he insist to be a friend with. And I think their common profession and passion had a lot to do with him choosing to open up to her, to let himself experience a genuine relationship for the first time. His “creative showcases of affection” him making dishes based on her clothes and her appearance, as well as buying her clothes, could be showcases of repressed sexuality.

when people are like “the bear isn’t that kind of show” meaning that it’s not about romance, then why bring in Claire for Carmy or give Ted Fak a girlfriend and give them an “i love you” scene or tell us that Nat and Francie Fak hooked up once or have Marcus ask Syd on a date. clearly romance/love has some kind of a place …. bc it’s part of life

Ayo and Storer and JAW reiterate that they’re platonic and people are like “see! even the creator and the actors say so” like okay, fine. but i can still ship them ?? people are like “they’ll never get together, get over it” and it’s like okay, fine but they did in my head so now what ?? like since when did people become allergic to fun

Today’s Autistic character of the day is:

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto from The Bear

Like, I get that people read it as inspiration for finding a point when you just decide you don’t wanna keep repeating the same mistakes or living the way you have been living. The “fuck you watch this” and all that, cool. But the use of this audio this way makes me wonder if people glorify Carmy’s journey, excusing his bad coping mechanisms and toxic mentality because it at least made him successful. Is there people that see Chef David cold psychopathic “I made you the best” and think “yeah he right”? like wtf.

More over the point of the monologue is that Carmy went to very unhealthy mental points (he described as “my life stopped” for fucks sake) because he felt broken and was isolated. The industry itself is very toxic and that’s one of the core themes of the show, the bad bosses, uncredited work, 60h weeks, racism, sexism, corruption. He had good experience but he wasn’t the best yet. The more he “locking in” the more he was he going into a self destructive spiral.

Yeah he found his passion but the reason he got on it was because of trauma and it ended his career on top of even more trauma, including psychological abuse followed by a tragic event. He is now so traumatized and burnt out he cannot create any more and is in financial debt. You don’t want Carmy’s journey as your reference for “locking in”

Richie used to struggle with self-hatred until he went to Ever and started wearing suits and his self-love came from Carmy's love of the industry.

And Carmy's love for the culinary world inspired Marcus love for baking, whose love of the craft stays consistent because of the love he has for his mom.

How Carmy's love of the industry and having the best knives inspired Tina to be the best.

How Carmy's love to be the best in his field inspired Luca to be better.

Lastly how Carmy's deep love for MIKEY was expressed in that dish. Not the industry but the love he had for another human being inspired Sydney to be the best chef she could be.

And how her love for him will inspire him to be a better chef.

No more enabling

Remember, Carmy said, "And he had this amazing ability. He could just walk into a room, and he could take the temperature of it instantly. You know, he could just dial it. "

Mikey was the first one to notice Tina. Another thing that stands out to me is that he knows how he's feeling- he can process the chaos of the place makes him sad. This is different from Carmy, who has trouble figuring out his feelings- he only knows he doesn't like the feeling he's experiencing in the moment.

This makes me feral. In 3x01, Carmy changes everything. The menu, the "thoughtful chaos", the dinner area. One of the non-negotiables is "Not about you", which means no more trauma dishes, no more "The Michael" savory cannolis, no more Seven Fishes.

Syd wants a star, and that is the only thing he can give her. He can't give himself, he's a psycho, he's fucked, he's the other shoe, the thought of being in any kind of relationship is delusional, he's just gonna hurt anyone, like he hurt his girlfriend, and he's just gonna hurt the restaurant. So he takes himself out of their relationship, and out of the dishes. It's gonna be clean, clinical, soulless, impersonal, just grinding and grinding, that's how he got stars the first time. It's gonna take everything he has, his mind, his soul, his sanity, his relationships, but he can do it, if that's what it takes, he will do it. He's gonna get a star for Sydney.

And he hates amusement, enjoyment, any kind of fun, because that's how things get fucked. He hates Richie's surprises, the razzle-dazzle, it's Carmy's weak point. His old wound freshly opened. The one that hurts the sharpest, the one he reacts to the loudest. So he tries to erase it from the kitchen, from the restaurant. No more fun, no temptation, no more reminders of what he could have if he wasn't who he is.

But he still makes space for Sydney's silly little collage of Coach K. She can have her little stickers. She can have fun. She can have something during the crazy rush hour that makes her smile. He would never deny her that, he would never deny her something that she wants (and she would never want him, he's a piece of shit). And also, she should get some rest, she should get that apartment, she should meet the elites of the culinary world because she belongs there. She should co-own the restaurant. She should get a star.

And Carmy's gonna get her one. He knows what it takes to get it, what it took the first time. And he's gonna run himself to the fucking ground to get it. He's gonna give his everything, sacrifice his everything for it. But he's not gonna sacrifice her. The whole burden - he wants it to be all on him, because that way, he can spare her.

Sydney's soft and warm and kind, and she has this spark, and she cares, and she feels, and he loves her for it. And he would rather ruin himself, than for her to loose this part of herself. He knows you can't have a star and your sanity. But maybe, just maybe, if he gives up his own sanity, she can have both.

Before he got locked in the fridge Carmy chose to prioritize Sydney over Claire. But at Friends & Family night he ended up picking Claire over Sydney because he was being pressured by Richie and his avoidance kicked in again. This resurfaced his NYC Chef trauma, because Claire was a distraction to getting Sydney her star and the general success of The Bear. Then he tried to over compensate by turning into NYC chef all of a sudden and freaking out at Sydney. Because he wants to get Sydney a star but he’s also terrified of failing and having the NYC Chef “win” and wants to succeed out of spite for how he made him feel.

He left Sydney at Kasama to be with Claire because it was the easier choice for him than to put himself out there and be vulnerable with Sydney. Then he left her to go to that party with Claire and ended up having the Fishes Christmas panic attack. He left Sydney to cook for Claire, then ended up with the alleyway panic attack about Claire and Fishes. He left Syd at service for Claire and ended up with the NYC Chef panic attack then locked himself in the fridge and he is mainly concerned with Sydney and the staff through flashbacks. Using Claire as a distraction from Sydney always comes with a cost. And it always brings up the root cause of his avoidance which is his mother and the NYC Chef.

Carmy promised Sydney that he would not leave her alone after the fridge. And while he physically has not left her alone to be with Claire. He never mentally left Claire. 

Sydney suggested he should make a call after he got out of the fridge, and he thought she was referring to Claire instead of Richie, who is his actual 'family' and who he really hurt with his words. He apologized but in the most generic way possible and Richie knew he was just doing it to get it out of the way, which is why they're still fighting. He's still using Claire to avoid confronting his emotions for people like Richie and Sydney, who he knows he has hurt but who he really cares about. Sydney didn't give Carmy "permission" to call Claire then. He needed Sydney's push in his relationship just to call Claire his girlfriend. He thinks not talking to Claire equals prioritizing Sydney, but in turn he is still prioritizing Claire only just in his head, not physically, because he is still using Claire as an avoidance tool for his feelings for Sydney, his lack of apology for Richie, and even his lack of confrontation with his mother. 

In Season 3 we see him happy and panic free in Claire flashbacks. Because she is in a romanticized version of his past. We know he can be an unreliable narrator and see things that aren't fully there or twist things, and his flashbacks to his relationship with Claire is not the full picture. He's not thinking about all the times that being with her led to a panic attack after. He is using her to be avoidant of Sydney and what she means to him and what doing all of this for Sydney means.

He can't really answer Nat or Sydney when they ask “Why are you doing this?” because he’s still in denial about what he is really feeling for Sydney. But he can answer that he feels guilt whenever someone brings up Claire because that is easier to address.

Carmy is an avoidant. In Season 1 he oscillated between avoiding dealing with his actual grief about Mikey by just focusing on the restaurant and avoiding dealing with what was growing between him and Sydney by using the restaurant and his grief for Mikey, until it blew up in his face. He physically avoided the restaurant itself Season 2 because he needed to avoid his feelings for Sydney, but still projected his feelings for her onto Claire by doing everything Sydney enjoys with Claire until it blew up in his face with a panic attack about the two of them.

Then in Season 3 he couldn't physically avoid Sydney, so he mentally avoided her by trying to reframe his relationship with Claire as something joyful and carefree and peaceful. When we all know that the reality of it was something else. He tells the Fak's he can't apologize because it's too hard. He's avoiding apologizing to Claire for many other reasons too. Cause if he does he'll have to address the fact that Claire said she loved him, which I really don't think he loves her back like that. He'll have to face the real version of Claire and his relationship with her; which was not all sunshine and butterflies. It was filled with panic attacks and anxiety. So he'd rather live in a romanticized version of her in his head, missing her and filling his thoughts with her instead of Sydney, than face what was actually going on.

Sydney is still his muse. He slipped into thinking about Sydney that night by making a dish about her and by inviting her to go to Ever with him. He made that dish that was blatantly inspired by her standing right in front of him. He has been avoiding talking to her, and he clearly wanted to say more, but didn't know how or what to say.

Once Sydney left he started hearing the music from his time in the fridge, he threw the dish out and immediately started to spiral. He stared at the bar cart with party items for Richie's Tuesday Surprise. aka the Amusement and Enjoyment. Which is what he was trying to find with Sydney that day he had planned an inspirational food tour with her, but ended up ditching her for Claire at Kasama. And what he told himself he no longer needed in order to focus on getting Sydney a star.

He stands outside the fridge then Strange Currencies starts playing very quietly under the fridge music, "I don't know why you're mean to me When I call on the telephone." He then goes inside the fridge and "I don't know what you mean to me. And I don't know what you mean to me But I want to turn you on, turn you up, figure you out I wanna take you on" plays a little bit louder, which is basically what his deal with Sydney is right now. He doesn't know what she really means to him. He knows she calms him down and inspires him, but he doesn't ever say what that means to him out loud. Then it grows louder with "These words, "You will be mine""

Then he reached for his phone to try and call Claire. Because he's trying to drown out the song with Claire. The first time we heard it was when he first saw Claire by the fridge and once he rejected her, aka when he chose Sydney, the song got louder. Then when he wanted to take Claire to the restaurant, aka where Sydney was, after the party it played again. He knew it was for sure about Sydney from the panic attack, because with Claire it was backwards, she was his past, but with Sydney it was moving forward.

When he's debating pressing call to Claire, the fridge music overpowers Strange Currencies, because Claire is what keeps him frozen in the past and "haunted" by it. He practices saying sorry as the songs grow louder trying to drown each other out, and we see a clip of present day Claire working and Strange Currencies stops playing.

Then a flash of her in The Bear sitting on the garde manger aka cold prep, which was the same clip we saw of her when he was thinking about her when he was locked in the fridge, Strange Currencies plays again over it. He is still stuck on it even though she's moving on and living her life. Strange Currencies grows louder because he keeps trying to convince himself the song is for Claire and reverts back to the past when he thought it was for her that night he took her to see the kitchen.