freedelusionshere

When you don’t feel emotionally safe with someone because they are moving the goalposts constantly and not being honest. Even if it wasn’t maliciously done.

He tried to make himself love it (because it’s what he’s used to, what he grew up with, out of guilt because it’s what Mikey and Richie wanted for him) but he couldn’t anymore.

Because of his interactions with Syd being such the opposite, he started to question all of it.

Whether what he received and learned from his family and community (Claire and Faks) growing up was actually a healthy expression of love.

When you don’t feel emotionally safe with someone because they are moving the goalposts constantly and not being honest. Even if it wasn’t maliciously done.

Claire id overlly dismissing of Carmmy's issues, she is never real about anything, so is no surprise Carmy feels like he doesn't know her, not to mention how she can twist things to her advantage.

We also don't have an objective look into their relationship. Even Carmy's memories could be altered or very much idealized at this point.

Fire for Carmen and Mikey is self destruction

And that feeling of self hate is a response to being abused (including gaslighting as you said) and being manipulated. We don't know howsby times thst happened between them. Maybe Carmy us so used to receiving love as an exchange for being mistreated that he is lying to himself about it.

When he said she made him feel like he was on fire, he was basically telling her he hates himself when they are together. The trick (lengermain) is that he believes it his fault, the way Donnas abuse was his fault. So Claire mistreatment of him I'd supposed to be his fault too. Carmy is incapable of seeing manipulation at face value, he has been conditioned his whole life that way. And as an adult he is incapable of letting himself being love without abuse so that's what attracts him to Clsire, even if he isn't aware of it and believes that she is the most wonderful person ever. Claire is also pretending 24/7 lets not forget, so Carmen can eclipse every bad feeling he has around her because she is supposed to be the best thing that happened to her.

It's different from Goodbye where all the truth starts coming out for Syd and Carmy. Syd is angry, but she's also concerned. Carmy is concerned about her as well. Claire wasn't capable of being real with Carmy, she spoke in metaphors and was avoidant and then got mad when he wouldn't let her get close to him.

What's also interesting in Goodbye is how Syd punishes Carmy by not speaking to him (which he equates to torture, basically but didn't talk to Claire for months), but she's also doing something to herself that he's done to himself most of his adult life. Smoking.

He tells her to stop and she's not even good at it. (Richie does, too.)

Carmy didn't care if Claire smoked?

It also tempts him to share the cigarette with Syd (to be close to her, because that's Carmy to a T), and then he opens up to her. And Syd shared some complicated feelings about Carmy smoking in Worms. She associates him smoking with "the good times".

Sherri was in the bathroom with Mikey watching him snort lines and then spiraling. Claire did during Friends & Family when Carmy was in the walk-in, even though she knew Carmy had anxiety, was under pressure, ditched his very real responsibilities to hang out with her, etc.

I’ll never be over them or this scene I fear.

Sydcarmy stuck in a storm together, let’s goooo

Parallel of stage/acting? Very The Red Shoes. They are pointing us to look at the food for sure. It’s also a nice thing for Courtney, I suppose.

All those Sydcarmy dishes seem to represent moments in their relationship timeline, too.

Carmy’s dishes are fully about his fine dining journey connected to Syd. No imposter pasta to be found 🤣

Syd’s are her bringing family together and putting her and Carmy together on plates!

They even show the rolled up carrots and that fennel flower on it which Carmy had been sketching when he was thinking about Syd in S3 (pls ask me what Carmy has on the brain in S3 I dare u).

The delicate carrot ribbons and roe with fennel pollen/flower.

The paupiette hamachi/kampachi dishes.

The lamb dishes.

Syd makes the dish and then tastes it and spits it out and ends up frustrated.

It’s an episode about inspiration and it ends with the Mavis Staples song I Like the Things About Me with the lyrics playing “I like the things about me that I once despised.”

the only sydcarmy shot we got is : she is laughing behind carmen .

But remember this old promo pic (which I thought was fake at the time it was released)? Her scarf here isn't in any of the S5 trailers, either. So I think all of that was just BTS stuff.

and to be honest with u , we will get a scene similar to that photo .

I don’t know that I entirely trust what is being presented so far or in what order?

The digital clock ran backwards in the teaser that opened with the shot of the lightning.

Syd, in Worms, talks to TJ about how when things are great there it’s almost perfect?

And I keep thinking that we never get to actually see that? Instead, we mostly see things go wrong. It makes me think about different characters and their perceptions.

The service they have in S4 with Richie’s DeVry fake snow where Syd’s scallop gets praised and The Beef is served is probably the closest we get? But it almost plays out like a pure Richie fantasy.

The Beef sandwich is served alongside fine dining dishes similar to the pizza in Forks in S2. Richie’s DeVry schooling pays off. Everyone is happy and even he and Carmy get along. His favorite people from Ever are there.

Carmy does not participate fully in S2 or at Friends & Family. A lot of S3 is from Carmy’s perspective colored by his depression and trying to get a star.

S4 is Carmy starting to come out from under his depression and Syd coming into her own, but thinking of leaving and there’s also the money clock that runs out.

It appears they’re out of money but Ebra has a plan to franchise The Beef and here they all are wearing the The Berf t-shirts in the S5 trailer and looking happy.

Maybe it’s just as straightforward as that?