God though, you going so long without kingdom hearts made me remember how stupid weird and all over the place this series is sometimes
Kh1 final mix, ps2 in Japan only but English cutscenes. Added a few extra cutscenes and potential lore. We won't see this localized for a long while
Kh chain of memories. Oh this is on the gba it can't be all that important WAIT WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE. Its an actual continuation of kh1 wow
Okay kh2. Surely the stuff in the gameboy game won't be relevant to this ps2 game RIFT IS VERY RELEVANT IT IS ACTUALLY SO RELEVANT WTF. at least the drive forms are fun. Its a nice conclusion to things and-
Kh2 Final Mix. Another Japan exclusive because of course it is. New cutscenes and lore and setting up for a kh3 and HOLY SHIT THERE WAS A KEYBLADE WAR!!! KH3 IS GOING TO BE INSAwhy is Roxas back? Bald guy? Guy kinda looks like Ansem and Xemnas? Oh shit blue woman looks like Kairi i wonder if- oh nope just a coincidence okay then fuck me I guess
Btw here's a remake of chain of memories on ps2
Btw btw here's another Japan exclusive game. You got your ps2, your gba? How about a fucking phone??? Yeah thats right! Mobile game before mobile gaming. Coded.
Okay surely we're gonna hear about kh3 and oh its no longer kh3.
358/2 days. Ds. Okay. Fine. I bought it for Mario, sonic, and Pokemon anyway, may as well and WAIT KAIRI WITH BLACK HAIR??? Gives background on beloved characters, adds a little more convoluted nonsense. Kingdom hearts. Get your Roxas love while you can.
Birth By Sleep. You had your ps2, gba, ds, a phone. Go ahead and throw your money at a psp while you're at it. Its what was almost kh3. A ton of lore, 3 new keyblade fielders, a ton of setup for the future. Damn. Shit is wild.
Oh BTW it also got a final mix BECAUSE OF COURSE IT DID. also on psp.
Btw btw, sorry about dropping like, 5 bits of lore in a japan exclusive mobile game. Here's a remake of it. On ds again. Hey you had one of those for 358 anyway.
Okay all this preamble SURELY MEANS KH3 IS ON THE HORIZON oh kh3d. Wow! Why are they 14 again? Is this a kh1 remake? OH ITS AN ACTUAL CONTINUATION OF THE STORY! DAMN! SHITS MOVING! Oh no they... REALLY convoluted things further. oh btw its on the 3ds. Yeah you thought you had caught up but nah, had to keep you on your toes, buddy.
Kh3? KH ***chi***. Or X or whatever. Hey. Hey. You got your pc or smart phone, champ? Gooood :) oh this is gonna be a prequel of all prequels, and it plays like shit. Wouldn't it be funny if this game CONTINUOUSLY INTRODUCED NEW LORE TO THE SERIES THAT ROCKS AND RIPPLES IT TO THE FOUNDATION??? Yeah! Unchained X, Union X, Dark Road- it kept going PAST kh3. Btw its delisted now! Earth shattering lore that you can't legitimately download to access anymore. You gotta either find a wiki, a youtuber to explain it, a youtuber to dub it (no seriously props to that guy, waiting for Dark Road), or a buddy to say "oh yeah it ain't that important" (glares at the recent kh4 trailer)
Well hey, at least on ps3 and eventually ps4, we get compilations. 1.5 to include kh1 final mix for non Japanese people, recom, and 358/2 as... a movie. Okay.
2.5! Kh2 and BBS final mixes! And uh. Coded. Cutscenes. Neaaaat. They're consistent on consoles now.
Kh 2.8! Final chapter prologue! 3D is back! Also an Aqua centered game in the same engine they're making 3 in and oh. Thats just. She's in hell hell OK. OH and Back Cover, that movie that your friend SWEARS gives you all the info you'll need on the mobile game for 3, and is a lying sack of dirt. It explains the background in fighting for Unchained X. Anyway, ps4, Xbox? Epic game store? Steam?
Actually damn they're releasing it and the other comps on everything now. Even the Swit- oh. Cloud version. That everyone hates. Oh wait nvm, REAAAL switch versions coming :)
And... 3. Yep. Some story elements are finally closing up. Happy endings, hearts freed and mended- no no no no, don't you start winding up that mobile game lore for GOD DAMMIT EPHEMER and 300 other players. Surely things can't get- is that fucking Versus 13 in Toy Story OH MY GOD NOMURA YOU MAD MAN
Okay. Okay. Surely things will start moving to lead up to 4. New kh game for Switch. Okay. Its for Kairi. Oh wow!... its a rhythm game. And has like an hour worth of new cutscenes. Oh my god
Well. Surely it can't get any more hard to get for lore than thi- Missing Link. Another Mobile Game. Wow. Set in Scala ad Caelum. Oh wow. This might make my phone explode, but character customization and new lor- its canceled. Yeah just. Canceled. A beta was released for a limited number of beta testers, and its canceled.
Well we have kh4 coming up. After... 6 years??? Looks like if you have a modern consoles or pc, you're all se- WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT HAS FUCKING LORE FROM MISSING LINK??? THE STUFF ONLY THE BETA TESTERS GOT TO SEE??????
And listen. I complain. This is all insane shit. And yet I love this stupid franchise like a brother. He's raving mad and depressed and wearing mickey mouse ears but i do love him. This must be what it's like to be one of those bankers or rich people giving out loans to eccentric crackpots. "Oh yeah that guy, loaned him a million dollars and he lost it in 5 minutes. Then he asked me for 2 million. Of course I said yes." You know the kind I mean.
Honestly at this rate, I'm shocked we don't have official lore dumped at a Japanese only stage play. Or one of these
