The Pile™

usually when you have a stomach bug your body is like yes sir we'll get this punk out of here, 48 hours tops. then you get a cold and your body is like I dunno ... between a few hours and eleven months ... maybe a week minimum .... you gotta understand we're short staffed

I've got to find myself more macrophage

Now Hiring: macrophages

immunesystem.com/careers/macrophage

You gotta be really publicly passionate about things if you want your friends to text you. Bc people will forget to text you because they’re human. But if you’re really openly the friend who loves identifying ants your friends will think of you when they see ants. And they’ll text you “what ant is this [blurry photo]”. And then they’ll ask you how you’ve been and we should get coffee sometime. But if they don’t know what you love they’ll never know what you like

And then when the ant convention is in town they’ll be like dude… we should go to the ant convention. But they would never think to go if they didn’t know u loved ants

And sometimes you need to ask them to go to the ant convention. But you Will not get anywhere hiding your passions

T shirt that says “I ❤️ getting laid” & then on the back it says “to REST” with a photo of a coffin + the name & phone number for a local cemetery. Please follow for more advertising ideas

I am pleased by people messaging me telling me that after adding a carb or protein to their snacks or meals they feel more satisfied all day. Yes, my plan is working. People are getting through their days with less hangry.

important reminder that most people you follow online are significantly lamer than you think they are including me. and if you feel insecure comparing yourself to someone online: DON'T. theyre probably also lame and weird. most people on the internet are

reblog if you're also lame and weird.

How did it get up there

It’s difficult to tell - typically light fixtures are installed using some combination of screws and brackets to affix them to the wall, but in this case the actual point of connection is obscured by a cat.

dont talk to me or my clone or my shadow self or my reflection or my me ever again

Please take my white ass to anor londo

*grabs you with my long gargoyle-like arms and flies off witj you*

Oh thank god hold me tight you scary motherfucker

that being said I'm not actually always opposed to conflict free fluff I am just opposed to the characters having their claws filed down for it. you can stick them in a coffee shop au it should just still feel like you sat the two worst most insane people on earth in a starbucks

does anybody wanna frolic with me. does anyone wanna fucking dilly dally with me

reblog game tell me a girl character youre obsessed with (men you headcanon as women are not allowed)

You are perma tf'd into the first pokemon you generate on this website, how happy are you wit your new form

do me a favor and plz reblog with your five most recently used non-face, non-hand, non-heart emojis