cocks ahoy

In hindsight, it was my fault for assuming that my recollection of bad* [tumblr]* posts was in any way typical.

IM GONNA FUCK THE MOVIES!!!!!!! NYAHAHAHAHA!

when i think about the dennis sex doll i genuinely believe mac when he says he didn't buy it to have sex with it. like maybe subconciously he thought about it, and i think he probably did end up having sex with it, but i think in the beginning his motivations were much more pathetic. i imagine him sitting the doll at their table and having dinner with it, watching a movie with it as if they still did their movie nights, sleeping in the same bed as it, but not cuddling because dennis wouldn't allow that. i think at some point the lines started to blur and mac started to imagine a much gentler more intimate relationship with it than his real relationship with dennis was, with dennis still being a little cruel and cold but also being in love with mac back, and by this point i think he banged the doll, but in the beginning i really think he bought it for companionship because he was lonely

The feeling you have evoked is their use

Went to a reptile meetup today at a local mall where there were plenty of big snakes and iguanas and other big intimidating reptiles and this girl was just watching the whole thing in silence with her hands closed up (as if she’s holding something) then one of the hosts saw her and pointed at her asking her if she had any reptiles, so she just quietly looked down at her hands and opened them up and there was the smallest most adorable yet ugly little baby leopard gecko just one McDonald’s sauce big everyone (and I mean everyone) erupted in awwwwwwwsss

Why is pet play always dogs anyway

Youre a dirty little goldfish arent you. daddys gonna clean your tank out so good so you have to wait in the sink until im done.

Apparently because you have no idea how to care for anything but a dog

Daddy is not known for his animal husbandry

my favorite thing about crocodiles is yeah they're fantastic swimmers and yeah they can run pretty fast and yeah the smaller ones can even climb trees but also. they don't wanna do any of that shit. they just go no, no thanks. that's not for me. i think i'll just wait for someone to mistake me for a log and get too close. and then i'll eat them. many reptiles love this strategy but none pull it off like the humble croc

? that’s not the picture i pasted but ok

mom called me a fag yesterday by accident

she was going to call me a bitch (playful) and i saw her gears turning like no but he's trans i need to call him the male equivalent. and then say fag and look so so surprised at the word that came out of her own mouth. it was like watching someone fail a disco elysium skill check irl