cocks ahoy

My dark confession is that i want to put moisturizer on a vulture's head

In hindsight, it was my fault for assuming that my recollection of bad* [tumblr]* posts was in any way typical.

IM GONNA FUCK THE MOVIES!!!!!!! NYAHAHAHAHA!

when i think about the dennis sex doll i genuinely believe mac when he says he didn't buy it to have sex with it. like maybe subconciously he thought about it, and i think he probably did end up having sex with it, but i think in the beginning his motivations were much more pathetic. i imagine him sitting the doll at their table and having dinner with it, watching a movie with it as if they still did their movie nights, sleeping in the same bed as it, but not cuddling because dennis wouldn't allow that. i think at some point the lines started to blur and mac started to imagine a much gentler more intimate relationship with it than his real relationship with dennis was, with dennis still being a little cruel and cold but also being in love with mac back, and by this point i think he banged the doll, but in the beginning i really think he bought it for companionship because he was lonely

The feeling you have evoked is their use

Went to a reptile meetup today at a local mall where there were plenty of big snakes and iguanas and other big intimidating reptiles and this girl was just watching the whole thing in silence with her hands closed up (as if she’s holding something) then one of the hosts saw her and pointed at her asking her if she had any reptiles, so she just quietly looked down at her hands and opened them up and there was the smallest most adorable yet ugly little baby leopard gecko just one McDonald’s sauce big everyone (and I mean everyone) erupted in awwwwwwwsss

Why is pet play always dogs anyway

Youre a dirty little goldfish arent you. daddys gonna clean your tank out so good so you have to wait in the sink until im done.

Apparently because you have no idea how to care for anything but a dog

Daddy is not known for his animal husbandry