howdy mates

just when you think it couldn’t be worse, you have to battle a creature

Okay I looked this one up. He said he talked to God, made up some songs, and lost nine kilos during his 20ish hours in the water. He was also completely nude when he was rescued.

hero’s journey

and this man? Odysseus

the best way i can think to describe the experience of reading moby dick is you’re in line at the dmv and this guy behind you very loudly says “well who HASN’T had a gay experience” and then proceeds to tell you every detail about his life in between anecdotes about how great sperm is and how ropes work and sometimes he’ll say the most poetic shit you’ve ever heard in your life and them jump RIGHT back into explaining how a whale is a fish because 1) it swims in water and you’re still only like halfway through the dmv line

unrestrained summer fun

Somebody come get their girl

a lot of the people you guys are calling narcissists could easily be replaced with the word “asshole”

listen to me closely there is a man out there who wrote a book on what makes someone an asshole and. my god. the word asshole is RIGHT THERE and communicates almost exactly what you’re trying to communicate

the asshole: 1. allows himself to enjoy special advantages and does so systematically; 2. does this out of an entrenched sense of entitlement; 3. and is immunized by his sense of entitlement against the complaints of other people.

for the love of god, reblog the part that talks about what makes someone an asshole

pro-abortion. pro-divorce. i believe we have the god-given right to give up

when people go after no-fault divorce or abortion what they're really doing is trying to enshrine the sunk cost fallacy into law

My controversial game design opinion is that "environmental storytelling" should be actually, tangibly present within the game's environments. Hitting the player with a paragraph of lore every time they click on a random item in their inventory is not environmental storytelling – it's just hiding an epistolary novel in your game's UI.

"But the presence of that paragraph of lore is diegetically justified because the toilet skeleton is holding a letter" buddy, what do you think the word "epistolary" means?

It's environmental storytelling because "OH NO THE BLOOD MONSTER" is written in blood.

i'm like if a cool knight or warrior didn't have any muscles or strength and wasn't very brave or confident and had no strong convictions or motivation and couldn't fight

my role on the leftist commune will be passive-aggressively moving the freshly-washed “clean” dishes that still have food residue on them back into the “unclean” section

My role on the leftist commune will be passive-aggressively telling you that if you didn't like how I washed the dishes you're welcome to wash them to your liking :)

my secondary role on the leftist commune will be The Torturer

everyone should sometimes be cats it's good for you

Looney tools level of hauling ass

I know most people see their pets as their children but my cat is my roommate. The fact that she's an adult is so much funnier to me. She's had a rich, troubled kitty life, being a disabled homeless girl who got pregnant and was taken into a shelter and lived as a teenage mom raising her five kids. Watched her babies grow up, find themselves in adulthood and move on to their new families. A young empty nester, no husband, no property, no credit, no job, and social anxiety. She finally finds a roommate willing to pay rent, a young lesbian she can trust and become friends with. Except she has to deal with me baby talking her and scheduling her meals and giving her unwanted kisses on her little soft kitty head

As a former humanities student, I feel it is my duty to reblog this one.

The fact that every task I would actually want a computer to do is "too complicated" but writing fiction and making art can be automated says everything I need to know about how much they respect what I do.

I’ll admit it, OP. As soon as you mentioned your family had a lemon tree in their yard I wanted to ask you how they were dealing with the whore infestation.

I did this with a fig tree once while hungover as shit and on a walk of shame. Best damn figs I ever ate in my LIFE.

when i was a teenager in san diego i was an absolutely unrepentant orange thief. climbed a fence to reach a particularly good pomegranate too. scrumping is a noble tradition of whores stretching back centuries and i won’t hear a word against it

Nothing could have prepared me to learn this is from It's Always Sunny and not some drama film