Ben Bitterer

Politics:

I am an anarchist, and this is obviously inseparable from much of my opinions, ideals, so on. You could consider me Anarcho-Communist, generally speaking.

Topics you will regularly find here include:

Feminism, equal to this is anti-misogyny in all forms, including "misandry" (Misandry is misogyny repackaged.)

Transgender politics, alongside Intersex individuals who are not transgender, or who identify as transgender in any way.

Queerness in general will be a topic.

Discussions about power, authority, oppression, etc. Equal to this is Anti-fascism, Anti-Authoritarianism, social dynamics, etc etc.

Discussions of the radqueer community (this will be largely present as i am making this blog for the purpose of discourse surrounding this.)

Discussions about Ableism and Sanism

Discussions about Antisemitism

Short essays at times, though many posts may be long.

Discussions about Paraphilia, alongside resources for paraphilia education or paraphile recovery.

Citations.

And likely more, when it strikes me.

Discourse

I generally dislike engaging in various types of discourse when:

Ableism is employed casually and regularly, especially when it is used to discredit my opinions. (Sanism is bad.)

People involved refuse to acknowledge that other people can and will have different ideologies not because they are "stupid" but because they lack the resources, safety, and care required to grow. Not everyone is willfully ignorant, not everyone understands a concept instantly, do not act as though they are or should.

People involved refuse to treat discourse as an educational opportunity, as a means to grow communally, and as a means to educate. Discourse is not about winning, or being proven right. It is about spreading information, resources, and generally has the goal of improving a situation. Discourse has the end goal of leaving both parties with new ideas, and perspectives, for the purpose of creating more understanding, equity, community, collaboration, and simply "Growth."

You will be blocked instantly for:

refusal to engage in relatively polite discourse. Your anger does not need to be suppressed unless you anger encourages you to throw bigotry at the opposing party. Your language does not have to be comfortable, but it should not veer into harrassment.

Forcing another individual into a corner where they must be personal with you in order to be listened to. (ie: "you can't talk about this topic because you don't have xyz trauma/ arent queer/ etc etc") Nobody owes you their trauma, but we owe everybody* respect.

All the usual: Racists, TERFs, separatists, supremacists of any sort but especially white supremacists, all forms of bigotry you know the gist people.

Advocating for genocide, spreading blatant misinformation knowingly (or refusing to retract if proven wrong,) Stating specific statistics without citation (ie: "71% of x experienced Y" is not okay without citation. "generally the majority of x experienced Y" is fine,) attempting to police marginalized individuals on how they wish to proceed in discussions of their oppression, and probably more i love the block button.

If you are pro-Hamas you are pro genocide. Hamas has openly stated goals of global genocide of jews, taken action towards this goal repeatedly, and is extremely vocal about their antisemitism. Antisemitism is not left wing, counter-genocides of counter-genocides is not left wing. Any pro-Hamas individual is centrist at best. Trading one authoritarian ethnostate for a different authoritarian ethnostate isn't improvement, you are fueled by antisemitism.

If you are zionist you are objectively right wing, you are pro genocide, and you have bought nazi rhetoric.

Free Palestine.

Being opinionated and annoying; Ie about me.

I am an intersex AMAB individual with a complex identity surrounding gender.

I am white, i look white, i was raised white.

I am on the schizophrenia spectrum and do not wish to disclose diagnosis, but it is important for when i speak on it. I have OSDD type 3 (not a system/plural)

I am a paraphile, i take a complex contact stance with an emphasis on consent, recovery, and safety above all else. (To add, i am more Anti-contact than anything.)

I am not a radqueer, and often find the community is not radical, not safe, and primarly made of misinformed teens and young adults being targeted by right wing propaganda. I am open to any interaction with radqueers, but i disagree with how they perverse radicalism and harm.

I do not like to trauma dump. Nobody needs to trauma dump for you to respect their perspective. I will share my experiences when relative or informative as i see fit.

Definitions to operate off of while reading my posts:

to be added to with time likely. NOT dictionary definitions.

Consent: given permission for an activity. To be "given" it must be: Among equals, informed, non-coerced, and agreed to while in a right state of mind (Not intoxicated, not experiencing crisis, etc.) Passive: Given once with understanding of a continuous behavior (physical touch for example) that does not need to be asked for every instance it occurs between two people Active: Consent that is given actively, asked for in the moment, typical consent. — Consent is not a sex exclusive term.

Animals cannot consent. Children and teens cannot consent to sex, sexual activity, or sexualization with adults, employers, parents, authority figures as a whole, or sibilings. Dead people cannot consent. The public cannot consent without forwarning and communal agreement (this applies to exhibitionism.)

Harm: To incite dangerous situations or experiences upon others (ex: perpetuating bigoted rhetoric.); any effect that is damaging, psychologically, physically, interpersonally (socially,) to the self or others.

Sanism: a form of bigotry similar to ableism that is specific to individuals with mental illness, neurodivergence, or those who are perceived to have such.

Power: The ability to act a certain way, influence certain things, or to exert force over another individual's actions and circumstances.

Anti-Recovery: Any stance, piece of rhetoric, or belief that discourages recovery, or causes harm to the recovery of more than one individual.; Any stance, [...] the states recovery is ineffective, useless, or not owed to any individual (including the self.)

( added to as necessary, if there are words i use, or that show up frequently in discussion, that you want me to add send in an ask alongside a proposed definition. If you wish to add to or alter these definitions send in an ask with your proposal of edit. )

Posts i want to permanently amplify:

First and foremost what does "CSAM" (sometimes CSEM) stand for? This is the acronym that is "Child Sexual Abuse Material" (or "explicit" material, which i personally also take issue with.)

Now onto the why, usage, and what it encompasses.

Using the terminology of CSAM is important, for a variety of reasons. One more commonly talked about being that the more well known term utilizing the word "pornography" implies consent, acting, or some form of regulation. CSAM is never consenting when involving the likeness of a real child, involving a physical child, etc. Another criticism is that the use of different terms (Both "CSEM" and "C/P" receive this criticism) doesn't cover the full spectrum of abusive material. How, though?

Lets look towards some definitions. RAINN defines CSAM as "Evidence of child sexual abuse [...] includes both real and synthetic content [...]" they also state reason for using this term that we'll get to momentarily. In the link above you can see that the page makes specific note of including synthetic content, such as "deepfakes" or AI generated imagery alongside live streams, videos and pictures, and any content which sexualizes OR exploits a child for viewer benefit. They even state (in bold on the linked page) "If a minor is involved, it's CSAM- and it's illegal." Going on to include that it doesn't matter if a child agreed to, or even themselves created and sent, the image themselves.

You can see from this definition that terms such as C/P or CSEM often fail to cover the full spectrum of materials that can be considered CSAM. Those terms give us an idea of images or videos, posted online or traded, and always involving violence or sex acts, but that doesn't cover it all. CSAM includes things we wouldn't typically think of like the leaked nude images of teenagers, or images that appear "innocent" and "childish" that are traded between predators due to a child's exposed body, depictions of any minor that may appear outwardly like a "silly family photo" being distributed or possesed for a twisted gratification.

RAINN (in the link above) also clearly states "By calling it what it is- sexual abuse- you stop minimizing the harm [...]" which is a reason i don't see many people discuss. CSAM is harmful in so many ways, many of them not seen or discussed. CSAM may follow someone well into adulthood, can be hard to scrape from the internet, can make survivors afraid of being online or engaging with a partner as adults. It leaves real scars to be depicted in this way, with many people not understanding until years later in life that they were being made into abuse material- and it's also traumatic to realize that you were victimized after the environment changes. Sometimes the production of this material involves more violence, but sometimes it's coaxed out of a minor, or made to appear normal. Other terms don't acknowledge the reality of this harm, they fail to describe in full what has occured. By using the word "Abuse" we acknowledge what happened to the fullest, and include all shapes and sizes, ages and presentations, and reactions of survivors impacted by this form of violence.

By utilizing this proper terminology we can now include a fuller scope and understanding of this harm. In that fuller scope there is another large topic, that being "proshipping" and shotacon or lolicon material.

[ Define: simple english wikipedia defines these terms as SC- "[slang derived from Shotaro complex] A shotacon is described as an attraction to young, or young in appearance, fictional male characters, usually between the ages 5-13. They usually follow the same principles as a Lolicon, but for males." and LC- "[slang for lolita complex that] explains a schediaphilic desire for young or young looking girls [....] it denotes a genre of manga and anime in which young female characters are shown in a sexual way. ..." The article for lolicon also goes on to note how some countries actively criminalize or have made attempts to criminalize this material. -- Schediaphilia is also known as "toonphilia", a paraphilic attraction towards cartoon/animated characters, specifically those who aren't real. -- Link leads to the shotacon article which can redirect to the lolicon article. ]

[Clear misunderstanding: "Proship" does not stand for "problematic ship" it is a constructed word of the root "Pro-" as in "in favor of" and "Ship" the practice of creating fanmade romantic pairings between fictional characters. The term generally is simplified as "ship and let ship reborn" or the policy of not harassing, doxxing, or harming an individual on the basis of their "ship." Generally this includes all pairings, and some terms describe subsections such as "Darkshipping" which focuses on "dark" or taboo relationships. Not all ships are romantic, but generally speaking ship is a romantic term. ]

Now with our definitions out of the way i'd like to say i'm not here to tell you definitely that shotacons are pedophiles, or sex offenders, or that they can be charged or arrested. I want to clarify a few things about this larger discourse that i see commonly. Some of these statements are much more harmful than others. NOTE that i am not a clinical psychologist, a lawyer, a judge, or a therapist. I am not up to date on every study or legal case. Statements i make here should be taken beyond face value to be repeated, and i encourage you to do personal research or to seek professional advice and care.

"All shota/lolicon is CSAM."- This statement entirely depends on your regional law, or even the specific court of your region overseeing a case. Some countries, like mentioned above, have strictly created laws defining this material as illegal. However it's also stated in the linked wiki how many judges often avoid imprisonment, or even drop charges due to no real children being harmed in the production of a piece of media. Some courts, even in countries with no ban on this media, choose to prosecute an individual attending for possession of CSAM with additional counts for the fictitious media, or specific items. Some courts might prosecute because of an obscene amount of the fictitious material. Some courts might focus on charging only for media involving depictions of a real child's likeness. There is no blanket statement to be made over any specific amount, specific manga/anime, or even connection to real crime about wether or not this material is illegal.

"All shota/lolicons are pedophiles/predators."- This statement is false. First, a person is only a predator if they are predating on someone. Fictional children cannot be predated upon as they lack consciousness or presence in 3D space that would give them any ability to or potential to consent or be victimized. Second, pedophilia is specifically attraction to prepubescent individuals. Some Pedophiles DO use drawn material to fuel their attraction, and might even be diagnosed due to consumption of fictional content, but not all consumers of this content are pedophiles. Any individual consuming this material who might be similarly gratified by depictions of pubescent or adolescent characters, depictions of more clearly adult fictional characters who are simply short or have a certain personality, essentially any possible attraction that is completely severed from the age and development of a character is not a pedophile, because they are not experiencing attraction to prepubescent children and are instead attracted to a height, body type, personality, etc that could be seen in adult contexts or fantasies involving adults. Further on pedophilia, that term describes a sexual disorder (one that evolves very commonly in CSA survivors) which involves two diagnostic components (1. the attraction, urge, or thought of the act, even and especially if it is intrusive or unwanted 2. distress, or clinical impairment. These two criteria are shared among all paraphilic disorders.) This term, and the people it applies to, cannot be equated to the term "predator" simply because most child predators are not pedophiles (disordered or non-disordered.) Reducing all predators to the scope of "pedophile" not only narrows one's understanding of CSA and who perpetrates, but also causes many survivors of abuse to not seek treatment for these ideas even when they are distressing or influencing other issues. You do not stand with survivors if you do not stand for the safe, medically approved, non-violent treatment of all paraphiles. If you encourage any individual to end their life due to a thought, feeling, unwanted attraction, or trauma response you do not stand in solidarity with ANY survivor.

"I am a teenager and therefore cannot be a pedophile/predator" (often said in response to the statement above) - This is false. The DSM recognizes pedophilia at 16 years of age with any prepubescent victim 5 or more years younger than the perpetrator. Many paraphilias present or "onset/develop" in early puberty or by mid to late teenage years. Furthermore any person of any age can behave or act in a predatory fashion. Minors who are capable of knowingly and purposefully lying, deceiving, coercing, or otherwise manipulating another individual are capable of being predatory. Any act done by a minor (or adult) unto any individual of any age that removes the consent of another individual or is enacted without consent is predatory.

"Fiction does not affect reality." - This is complex. One thing i see often is that "if you can't tell reality and fiction apart you probably have psychosis" and as someone with a schizospectrum condition i'm telling you to shut the fuck up (excuse my emotional language,) because you cannot leverage medical terminology to demean opposing opinions, nor do you understand the complex experience of psychosis. Moving on from that "response" i'd like to point out that fiction and reality do affect each other in various ways. Media is often a tool in some way, it enforces societal norms by conforming to them (or rebelling openly,) it teaches many young people what to idolize and what not to idolize, what is commonplace and what is not commonplace. Media can cause intense emotional reactions, or even influence political decisions and moral panic. Many paraphiles or kinky individuals also experience awakenings due to media, even media that is not sexual in nature. For example "Attack of the 50 foot woman" has been cited by many macrophiles online as an awakening, many people trace their first moments of pubescent arousal to moments watching "normal" media. Media is, on the other hand, equally influenced by the reality around it. Who acts in what roles, what can or cannot be depicted, how something can be depicted, what is taboo and what is not, what is scary and what is not, what is normal and acceptable behavior and what is not, all of this and more can be affected by the country, state, period, political system or dominant ideology, so on that surrounds a piece of media and its creators. In many ways media affects lived reality as much as lived reality affects the media, it's far more complex than "yes/no." What we can say for sure is that media consumption does not always lead to violence, but it can influence factors leading to violence. Media consumption does not lead to sexual violence, disorders, or thoughts, but it can be one of many factors that influence the occurrence of those things and surrounding emotions.

"Therapists recommend fiction for coping in paraphilic disorders" - Generally this is false. Treatment for pedophilia includes psychotherapy, treatment of comorbid disorders, sometimes medications, electro therapies (which have greatly evolved from their media portrayal and their historical use,) and even chemical sterilization (which has been known to reduce the frequency of certain urges and thoughts) among other things. SOME paraphiles may be reccommended art therapies which could be used for trauma processing, or may be encouraged to redirect urges into the creation of non-explicit material (Such as poetry about the triggers or feelings associated with a paraphilia, or art depicting abstract emotions or fears) however this would never be recommended to share with anyone other than a trusted clinician, and no person with ANY paraphilic disorder would be advised to create or consume sexual, sexualized, or otherwise erotic material, especially if this material increased distress, frequency of urges, or made a person seek unsafe or triggering spaces. - SOME paraphiles are likely capable of engaging safely and comfortably with completely fictional roleplay, or writing with and among consenting adults who are aware of all circumstances, without being triggered or fueled towards harmful action. Visual media depicting certain activities is not blatantly illegal in all places, but should be treated as potentially harmful or explicitly harmful. - Most treatments for paraphilia focus on preventing harm, reducing distress, reducing frequency of thoughts or urges, and healing related symptoms or traumas. No therapist in the history of humanity said "yes, go read lolicon hentai to heal your pedophilia" [ Cite: Paper on treatment, sourced from the National Library of Medicine. This Clinical Trial from clinicaltrials. gov via NLM discusses both assessment and treatment via hormone-reducing medicines. It also notes that in this specific study a majority of offenders self-reported childhood abuse. Countless studies exist, with varying criticism and results. ]

The TW says Sexual Trauma, but i prefer a slightly different term. I use, generally, the term Sex Trauma. It encompasses not just trauma that is sexual in nature, but trauma about sex as a whole. Sex as a physiological classification of who and what you are, Sex as an act you must adhere to not just in the bedroom but in the way you speak and dress and who you will get cooties from. Sex Trauma broadly includes a lot more than just sexual trauma, it is also the trauma of transsexuality, of childhood playgrounds where gender roles and norms are strictly enforced in structured rhymes, and the specific trauma that has nothing to do with sex or sexuality exactly, but that creates associations between certain sexes in your mind.

A good example of something that is Sex Trauma is young autistic people being forced to wear specific clothing that is uncomfortable physically, but that they must wear because it's a "pretty dress for picture day and as [their mother, she] expects good pictures." This can lead to a lot of negative connotation around being sexed female, and what must be done to adhere to that, and can lead to complex feelings about other individuals of the same or opposite sexes. Another example could be just about anything seen on the ACE test, Adverse Childhood Experiences.

The questionnaire i took was 10 questions which seems standard. 1. have you lost a parent in some way 2. Did you feel you had food and clean clothes and care 3. Is a house or family member struggling with psychiatric illness 4. is a house or family member struggling with addiction 6. has a house member been imprisoned for a crime 7. Were you ever hit or beat 8. Did you feel anyone in your family loved you 9. Did an adult or guardian ever swear at or put you down 10. did you experience unwanted sexual contact

It might seem at first glance many of these things are not connected to sex, sexuality, or personhood. I am not sure if this is a broad experience, or studied even, but for me many of these did. For example my brother did not know his father and i did not know mine, and my younger brothers father was around and then my mother was pregnant and he quickly wasn't around for long. This created a very particular image of men in my younger brothers father mind, including myself and my older brother who often fathered me. Men are flighty things you do not know and should not know very deeply. Of course it wasn't that thought word for word, for a long time it was simply the way i held my brother's hand very tight when he let me hold it because i was scared that he might be gone one day and didn't have the words for it, so i bruised his hand with the fear i didn't register having. My mother was an addict, i knew this after overhearing it once and because marijuana depedency is very real and very scary and my mother told me to never touch her things because of it. This created a very particular image of these substances to me, as being related to the feminine sex. Substances were partaken in by the scariest and strongest of women, and they were very scary things, which meant that courage was something women must have more of than most people. The list goes on but you see what i mean. [Note: I say the feminine sex because 1. Females has a particular connotation towards women, especially these days online, that i don't like, and 2. because "the feminine sex" includes individuals who are not distinctly female sexed (for any reason such as social presence, intersex condition, or societal standard,) or who transitioned later in life to be of a female sex. These people are still sexed as female at the end of the day, but are typically not included in the discussion of what it means to have a female sexed body. They should be. This could be a separate post, and might be. ]

Sex Trauma is particular because a lot of it is not openly relative to sex and sexuality. I find a lot of things are caused by sex trauma, and if you feel that you have a response to a certain feeling or experience that feels oddly sexual it can be a source of invalidation. "I wasn't assaulted, why would i be experiencing feelings assault survivors describe? I must be faking this trauma response, i must be lying about it." that sort of thing. Sex Trauma has a way of causing very particular feelings about sexuality, Sex (the act,) and Sex (the condition,) that is similar to but slightly different from the typical idea of "Sexual Trauma" in many ways.

One glaring similarity in my life and the lives of people who experienced similar things has been dehumanization. Often in trauma the effects on the self are dehumanization, and often times trauma comes in the form of being dehumanized. We, humans, tend to become very deeply depressed when removed from our species and its class in such a way. That depression shows up very consistently in victims, carried with us for a long time in silent ways.

Depression tends to make us more reliant on others, in some ways. Many of us who experience depression, in any way, tend to need help in a way that is disproportionate to our peers or our own history. Sometimes it presents as relying on your mother to house you, or on your friends to bring food to your apartment in order to eat, or on the friend who always has a vape or two lying around their purse. This can often further the dehumanization internally because we feel burdensome or, as i have always felt it, parasitic.

Being parasitic can present in a lot of ways, but most clinicians would never dare to call your reliance from necessity parasitic, for good reason, it's not burdensome to need people it is the very state of existence that made us an apex predator. Most of the time when we feel parasitic we are not being anywhere near that, but instead are re-experiencing the feeling of fear that comes from relying on others for care. Historically for people with this feeling that was likely an unsafe position to be in.

I was once discussing this feeling with a therapist, who felt the need to ask me (given the nature of my behavior at times,) "What happens when you can't be a parasite to anyone because you have isolated or self sabotaged your way away from the guilt of it?" I think she was expecting me to say i would become more depressed, or worse. She liked to give me a nudge towards the direction of a certain realization that might be helpful to resolve a lingering feeling, but i already knew the answer.

I become parasocial.

Parasociality is a hard topic to breach, especially because for me it is one that is experienced more as an emotional state than as a state of knowing i enjoy something. I'll try to make myself clear, but it's a hard thing to describe being parasocial in the way that isn't developmentally normal fangirling for some actor or rockstar.

I once heard a 40 second or so clip of an artist i had been enjoying singing raw with a guitar that they didn't usually use. The lyrics were not in the official song word for word, as many demos are not anything near finalized. I knew in that moment, with certainty, that this specific demo, these lyrics, were for me. Not like they hit hard, or that i found them better than the official, or that they were something i related to. God put this artist on earth some decade or so before me so that they would be making music by the time i was 16, and god put me on earth to be exactly 16 when i heard this demo clip, and god had told this artist to choose those specific words. Thats why that lyrics had changed so much in the official release, because it was not the artists full intention for the song it was God's intention for the artist to record the words at least once so that i would hear them. I pulled the clip up through my computer so i could record an hour long voice memo of a 40 second clip repeating, and i cried after looping it once or twice.

Ugly crying. The kind of crying that you feel coming fifteen minutes before it happens and you know you can't stop it so you drink a glass of water to make it easier when it's over with. For the first time in a very long time i experienced a very particular cathartic release that i had only ever experienced twice before then. The first time was when i threw a "life binder" at some state case worker who refused to call me my name and i heard her glasses break and immediately after i began upturning everything in my new room. I made an effort to drag a bed to the floor and i screamed the whole time i trashed the place. The second time was when i first hurt my brother in a physical way, and it wasn't a lot because even at the end of that i was still smaller, but i watched a tiny cut on his hand bleed and felt so much of my entire life at once that i collapsed to the floor and screamed so loud he called our mom home from NA worried i was having some sort of epileptic episode like she would have sometimes. It was like i had for once won a fight in a tiny way and that validated me in such a way that i suddenly realized how much i hated myself for even existing, and it was okay that i felt that but it just made me cry because i didn't feel it anymore, and that's the feeling you don't know you have until it's gone.

The third time was listening to a 40 second clip, at 16, with no friends and barely speaking to my family because i couldn't sleep unless the sun was up, during a mixed episode that was primarily depressive, at sometime near 2:30am or so, wearing a blanket like a cape and a skirt with fur on it. And i was realizing god must be real, and that there was something left in the world to see, and that's it was something made just for me, like another half. Like the exact description of love at first sight in a romcom.

I spent a good few months not exactly experiencing a delusion and not not experiencing a delusion that this artist was writing music for me to find. They understood me, my soul, my mind. They became the words i had to describe the feelings i was having, they became my profile picture, and they became the thing i jerked off to. [how terribly disgusting to admit online, but it's a good transition guys.]

Dehumanization is a form of othering. Sex Traumas are also largely "othering" events. This is what we are, and that is what you are, this is what i can do, and that is what you can do, this is what i deserve and that is what you deserve. This othering is typically why, in my opinion, many people become unhealthily parasocial. It is also in my opinion a large reason for a lot of paraphilia.

I won't exactly be shy, because this short essay is past that. I am a paraphile, i have had at least two paraphilias since i was 12 years old and the others slowly developed in tandem. People with Sex Traumas often develop some sort of paraphilic attraction, not always by in means and not the majority even, but often, to something related to that trauma.

Dehumanization is a specific form of othering. It makes you a monster, or commonly, an animal. Something that acts on instinct, and isn't to be inside the house, and cannot speak to the humans but can look at them. A bird on a branch, something that feels flighty and helpless and only able to observe the people in the house where it lives in the yard tree of. This constant state of observing and not participating, paired with the right self esteem or psychological effect, and the right moment or movie to happen into a life, can lead to some interesting ideas about sex.

It could present in any number of ways for any number of people, for me, disclosing for the sake of example, it is most clearly underwear. Underwear stops you from seeing the vulnerable thing underneath it, it is a barrier that keeps you from getting too close to the thing underneath it, and importantly it lets you imagine with the wildest part of your imagination what is underneath it.

That description, if you noticed, has very very clear similarities to things i have mentioned above. :

- " Men are flighty things you do not know and should not know very deeply. "

- " What happens when you can't be a parasite to anyone because you have isolated or self sabotaged[...] "

- " because we feel burdensome or, as i have always felt it, parasitic. "

I'm sure you can make more connections and assumptions about my self esteem and the like, my habits in socializing, that lead over my life to this. The point is relatively made here, paraphilia can be connected to a deep sense of othering.

So what do i mean with all this

- as in the TLDR for people who don't want to read about my paraphilia discussion but read this far and likely see where im going.

Sex Trauma, if looked at through a broader lens, can be seen as adjacent to or part of the cause of many different things. I thought it was interesting how many of these things began with the prefix "Para-" which can be defined as: 1. beside : alongside of : beyond : aside from 2. faulty : abnormal and 3. closely resembling : almost , when applied in the contexts above.

When we feel dehumanized, as in beyond humanity but alongside it by condition, we often begin to feel faulty, broken, depressed, and that combination of feelings can lead us to developing oddities in the self perception and in our relationships to others.

When we are aware we are ALMOST human, but falling short, it is a particular kind of trauma. That feeling is both made from and the cause of different Sex Traumas. Childhood adversity makes us acutely aware that we closely resembling a sex and that this is defining about us. Being in such close semblance to sex as a defining factor can lead to abnormal ideas about the self, and where we belong in relation to our natural need to depend on other humans.

When we experience abnormal sexing or sexuality, it can lead to feelings that we are similar to something positive, but not quite deserving of it. When we feel undersiving due to being faulty we begin to feel beyond help, and will turn to much "safer" (in the emotional sense) alternatives to approaching sexed interaction like conversation with peers or sexual activity.

In this way feelings of being Parasitic, Parasocial, and Paraphilic are at the root one and the same, which makes all of their presentations fuel to each others fire in any number of ways. I personally believe that one of the best ways to combat this is to never let friends feel parasitic, and to never let our children become so lonely they turn to being parasocial, and in doing so we can as a larger society avoid the development of paraphilia in the younger generation and among our peers, and we can also treat paraphilia in a much safer manner.

Be shamelessly a parasite, if that's the word describing how you feel refuse to let it be a bad one. Pay things back when you can and when you want, and accept the things that come because at the end of the day parasites are just small creatures trying to survive and survival will never be shameful because it is deserved. You fought so hard to be alive, so who cares if you live in the basement? You fought so hard to get out of bed, so who cares if you didn't pay for the takeout? You deserve to survive because something inside of you is alive enough that you are not dead. Your heart beats, your mind thinks, and you are human at the end of the day. That makes life itself something you are entitled to have, a right, and if your community doesn't fight for that right by bringing you takeout then they are the broken thing not you.

Predator codes:

This link has some symbols pedophiles might use, but its not exactly comprehensive. (neither is this!!)

- 🏈 is used, commonly on twitter, to display a person is seeking, engaging with, or distributing CSAM. You might also see "i reallyy love football" and similar statements.

- "No limits" "NL" is meant to signify a person who has no limitations to the content they consume, including CSAM.

- Vr3p, p3rv, etc are censorships of "pervert" used to avoid filtration systems and detection so a person can engage with illegal content.

- 🌀 is often used in place of the triangular blue spiral in the link above.

- 🍕is used to represent "CP" alternatively you might see "cheese pizza(lover)" and similar language, or even pizza being used as a prop in an odd way

- "iykyk" is an abbreviation for "if you know you know" used in combination with other symbols that are not directly linked to predatory behavior in order to signal an interest in it.

- "MEGA" "Selling MEGA" "Trading MEGA" refers to files shared over the MEGA platform. This platform is used by predators and activists alike due to its user privacy, protection, encryption etc.

- 🍼 is used by roleplayers and/or predators to signify ageplay themes or predatory interests.

- 🚼 is used by predators and roleplayers and predators alike to signify discussions of infantile or very young children in a NSFW context.

- "trading" "buying" "selling" are terms used across NSFWtwt to display what a person is engaging with such as trading, buying, or selling of content. [A "Menu" refers to what an individual is selling, willing to produce or has on hand. Usually with prices laid out clearly.] predators may use this terminology, but so do consenting adults and sex workers.

- Many minors online will flip their ages 🔄, use math equations, or odd numbers such as " '15'000 16000000" etc to avoid filtration.

- AAM stands for "adult attracted minor" these individuals are vulnerable youth seeking unhealthy relationships due to trauma or indoctrination from pornographic spaces.

- 94 (or sometimes 49) along with "i love team 94, 94 fan" etc is used by predators often, [edit thanks to ans ask recieved:] this is in reference to a specific predator who has gained some form of recognition after a conviction.

- 🗺️🗾 "Map" is Minor Attracted Person, this is an alternative language for pedo/ephebophiles. Not everyone using this is necessarily seeking, but it is a danger nonetheless to use this code.

- Pro-Contact is a term used in paraphilia discusdions to mean a person is okay with or encourages engaging with paraphilic desires, or avoiding recovery from them.

- "Knotty" is an alternative spelling to "naughty" sometimes used by furries or anthro pornography enjoyers it is also used by zoophiles to discuss an interest in canids and/or canid (dog) genitalia. ("knotpilled" and "knotpumper" also fall here. "Feral" is a form of drawn pornography that is NOT anthropomorphic but instead is animalistic or realistic, sometimes real animals or even pokemon with realistic animal genitalia.)

- Locations on twitter are often used as a place to obscure ages or codes, be sure to look at a persons displayed location in bio or link in bio, or even the extended bio if they have one.

- Teleguard/gram and signal links, keys and codes. These platforms are used by activists, netizens, safety seekers, and predators due to their good encryption and user safety policy.

- MDI, often passed off as a typo, stands for "Minors DO interact" these people are predators.

- Excessive censorship, especially of words that might be flagged in nsfw contexts, should be a warning flag. Often numbers or "X" are used in place of letters, or words are spelled in reversed.

- Strange numbers in strange places or descriptions such as "I have 1 cat and 4 dogs. I like 8 shows and 8 songs" would be "1488" a nazi dogwhistle.

- The Zeta symbol ζ is used by zoophiles who advocate for "animal rights and safety" (as in permission to rape their pets.)

- "JB" "Bait" "Jailbait" Is used when discussing minors who are "too attractive" and implies that it is the fault of a victim that a perpetrator acted.

- "Bait" may also apply to individuals who were catfished and teicked into sending explicit images or videos, often attatched to the post or being sold in connection to the post. This is similar to revenge pornography without the revenge aspect, it removes a persons consent to being seen in a vulnerable position and affects adults and minors alike.

Race and supremacy codes

- This link is symbols classified by the ADL as hate symbols, or in connection to hate symbols. This is a printable PDF.

- This link is a glossary of items and terms that are antisemitic in nature from the American Jewish Committee. Some of these may seem strange to you, remember to put aside yourr bias and understand that some of these are contextual, or are related to mass usage by certain groups. Bigots always want you to pass off their language as harmless or as if minorities are overreactiong.

- 👌 is used in pornography spaces as a means to signify white supremacy.

- ⚡️⚡️ is used in place of SS. The tips do not have to be flat, not even on tattoos. The emojis may appear on either side of a display nane, be sure to search for extra context when seeing an emoji code.

- Mockery of AAVE is often used online especially on facebook, things such as "He din doo nuffin" an other such comments are left under cases involving black individuals in the news as a means to mock Black communities, culture, and movements for abolition.

- "Their kind" "those type" etc are all offensive ways to refer to BIPOC individuals primarily Black individuals.

- Excessive emphasis on a last name especially (((name))) but also comments like "always those names" "just look at her name!" are antisemitic dogwhistling.

- Any comment of "the swastika was a buddhist symbol!! it has other history!! it doesn't mean that anymore because the nazis are gone so it went back to the old meaning! Christians and jews use swastikas too!!" are all antisemitism. These comments are usually connected to holocaust denial and neo-nazism, and while many people saying them have good intentions of protecting other cultures from prosecution for use of their symbols i assure you that a nazi swaz looks like a nazi swaz. See below and get back to me. How many of these are a nazi swastika?

- comments about "bad genetics" or being "genetically doomed" and looksmaxxing in general are all deeply rooted in eurocentric politics and supremacy.

- Language that dehumanizes immigrants or foreigners such as "illegals" is always coded language for "subhumans of another race that i want to genocide"

Other, Misogyny, Ableism, Etc.

- "ILBAB" or "I love being a boy" is used commonly on twitter as a code for pro-patriarchy ideology and often connected to white supremacy or neonazism.

- Aspergers in a diagnosis created by a nazi scientist to determine the "good autistics" and is no longer in use, the term may be used today because someone simply was diagnosed as such and never told otherwise, or by fetishists and neo-nazis. [connected here: "Aspie"]

- 🧩 Is a symbol for autism that is bigoted, used by organizations such as autidm speaks, autism moms groups, so on so forth. It is also used by fetishists and nazis.

- Gooners, not the meme, should be avoided as the fetish and subculture encourages compulsive pornography consumption, social loss, and even substance use.

- All incel language is misogynistic. Even as it becomes slang it is important to remember this language is deeply connected to misogyny, racism, and transphobia. Do not fuel these ideologies.

- "Troon" "YWNBARW" ("you will never be a real woman") "passoid" and especially "poon" etc are all transphobic words often taken from 4chan.

Afternotes:

- What can i do when seeing these things?! : Block and report appropriately. DO NOT REPOST ANYTHING!! DO NOT SHARE!!! Sharing risks exposing others to these things, or even your post blowing up and a perpetrator having a warning to private, change user, etc.

- "This person is a teenager! how can they be a pedophile?!": Paraphilias are disorders, often onsetting with or during puberty. The National Library of Medicine defines-

The first thing to acknowledge with ideas like this is always trauma. Nobody would experience urges to hurt or be hurt without some form of trauma (likely complex or continuous) occurring in their life. Humans all hurt each other, we all lash out, get too defensive, say hurtful things, but people without some sort of negative experience do not (usually) experience urges surrounding violence.

When interacting with facets of the radqueer community dealing specifically lowith trauma and harm, wether it be the desire to inflict or experience it, it is important to remember that these individuals are likely victims of something serious, and deeply repressed or denied. Individuals who have experienced trauma, especially intrafamilial abuse, are more likely to develop unhealthy patterns of seeking out, reacreating, or even accidentally inflicting similar trauma to others (The "cycle of abuse" is exactly this.) [Cite: JAMA network , UK national statistics , Note: the cycle does not always continue and does not have to. If you or someone you know is a victim of abuse, encourage their recovery and search for support networks, methods of support for friends, etc. There is hope, you are more than the people who hurt you. Resources as bottom of post.]

Victims of trauma are not always perfect people. We (survivors) tend to develop unhealthy coping skills, disorders of any kind, health issues, and more. Remember that supporting survivors means all survivors, even the ones who do things that are harmful, or even morally "black." You do not have to endure abuse from anyone, you do not have to let behavior continue, and you should never put yourself in harms way, but that doesn't mean disparaging victims. That doesn't mean harassment, retributive violence, or force and coercion into "healing." If you are in a safe space, the best thing you can do is offer community, resources, and your best understanding to a survivor.

This, however, doesn't address the labels at all. Why are these labels harmful to survivors? How does the rhetoric of these labels effect individuals encountering them? How does this rhetoric damage the larger movement for support, welfare, and justice for survivors? Why use them? All complex questions that i will adress here. These all have many answers, so feel free to reblog or comment and add anything that i don't mention here.

I want to first address how these labels are directly harmful to survivors. Initially you may assume that the survivors harmed most are those outside of the radqueer community, but i would propose a separate idea. Survivors within the community are far more likely to be harmed by these labels.

In their nature, labels such as "Transraped" "Transabuser" etc. are negating the impact of any abuse the person with them may have endured. It creates space to deny previous trauma, while encouraging an individual to seek a "real trauma" to validate their "trans" identity. An individual who has experienced abuse, but identifies with a transharmed label is more likely to feel a "dysphoria" surrounding their past, and the fact that said past did not include* the trauma they now identify with. This encourages them to seek out experiences to validate their identity as it relates to abuse, which could mean increasing negative behaviors such as risky sex, drug use, or aggression.

*some individuals identifying with a specific "trans" (trauma) may bot have experienced that exact trauma, but feel it would validate their emotions, thoughts, or experiences and thus seek it out. This is why "did not include" is not in quotes above.

Other harm to survivors that these labels create are primarily in relation to rhetoric, encountering them, and such things which will be addressed shortly, but first: Why?

As largely touched on above, there are in fact reasons for people to use these labels. These labels are not games, or plastic toys. An individual might identify with a transharmed label because they seek to validate previous trauma, or emotional experiences. An individual might identify with transharmful labels (that are trauma related) because they feel compulsive aggression and want to validate themselves. [Note: the validation here is complex. Likely they are seeking to validate a sense of wholeness or something similar. Many people who exhibit compulsive aggression, or obsessive thoughts of harm, often experience them as intrusive, ego-dystonic, or generally incongruent with the self. Identifying as transharmed may allow them a sense of fullness, while maintaining a state of ego-dystonic identity, thus validating both aspects of the self.]

These labels are not roleplay, or games, they are complex and harmful methods if self validation. That is why people will identify with them in many cases i have seen.

But how is this harmful to anyone else? Why would we police an identity that only harms the individual involved? Let people live their lives, right? It's not the place of any authority to tell someone they can't hurt themselves!!

Simply put, rhetoric. Rhetoric is what harms people outside of these labels.

An example of this is the term "conabuse" which stands for "consensual abuse." This label can be used as a description of a relationship dynamic between two individuals in which abuse is seen as consensual, welcomed, or encouraged and accepted. This labels is harmful in a few distinct ways.

The first form of harm here is disinformation, and misinformation. Labels like this are used disinformatively to convince victims that what they are experiencing in consented to, or that it is normal. Consensual Abuse may be used to describe a BDSM-like style relationship with full power exchange, that leads into harm coming upon the submissive (the victim) and is then employed as a means of telling them not to ask for help, or to escape the situation, because they consented to a power exchange. That is disinformative. The other context where labels like this occur are born of, and always spread, misinformation.

When individuals are lead to perceive abuse ss consensual, they will spread the idea that it can be. Abuse can never be consensual, even if previously agreed upon by two parties, because it removes the agency of one party. This loss of agency makes their consent non-retractable, which thus makes any consent given null. Individuals spreading any idea that abuse can be consented are are causing harm by warping the perception of consent among the public, thus making it harder to persecute individuals that commit acts (sexual or not) without consent, or even leading a current victim to believe they could regain their agency by simply "consenting" (submitting to) their current situation. This discourages victims without support and actively in abusive situations to not seek support, which is of fourse harmful.

Further than this, this label encourages survivors to subject themselves to the cycle. By framing an idea that abuse can be consented to, survivors encountering this label may feel it is okay to seek out harmful coping skills, or even recreations of abuse. Choosing to "consent" to abuse instead of undergoing the much more daunting path of confronting the urges to abuse/be abused is innately anti-recovery, not just to oneself but to all victims (via misinformation.)

Finally, labels like this harm all survivors by giving abusers an out. The modern justice system does not protect victims, it does not even tryst them. Conviction rates are extremely low, even for continuous abuse (as opposed to single-instance abuse such as rape, which also sees extremely low rates in conviction.) When in a system that actively distrust, and discourages, victims, allowing abusers a chance to say any version of "but they did consent!" is harmful. It's the step up of "She didn't say no."

Some of the best judicial systems already struggle to define "consent" (for some fucking reason,) not to mention that judges, jurors, and law enforcement are not present at the time when consent would have been given or retracted. This is often used as a justification to pose the idea that "both sides have their perspectives" in cases of abuse, which almost always leads to trusting an abuser's perspective. Allowing abusers of the public an out is harmful to all victims, especially those seeking justice or contemplating seeking justice.

That's all for my briefly posed arguments against the use of these labels. Please add on in comments and reblogs.

definitions:

Disinformation: False or inaccurate information spread with intent to deceive, discredit, or alter perspectives about information.

Misinformation: False or inaccurate information spread without intent to deceive or other malicious intent.

Rhetoric: 1- The art of persuasion; language designed to have a persuesive, or impressive effect on an audience. (summarized dictionary) 2- The argument made by and/or for any piece of information, perspective, or belief. (not dictionary)

Consent: See pinned on my blog.

Harm: see pinned

Ego-Dystonic: Thoughts, impulses, or behaviors that do not align with a persons values, self perception, or beliefs. These things usually cause distress. A term primarily related to mental health conditions such as OCD or NPD. [Further definition and research: National Library of Medicine. and related articles.]

Resources for survivors:

The National Sexual Violence Resource Center (American based) has a directory of organizations that can offer support. They also have resources for male survivors.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-799-7233 or text BEGIN to 88788 available in english, spainish, and more through translation services.

Safe Horizon has multiple programs for youth, trafficking survivors , domestic violence situations, and more. They can provide help ranging from emergency shelter, justice services, to counseling and hotline.

For international resources there is Domestic Shelters . org which has a variety of resources for a variety of survivors, not just shelter but also hotlines, coalitions, organizations, etc.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, sexual abuse, trafficking, or other abuse encourage them to seek help. Youth without safe adults are not alone, police do not have to be your first resource. If your devices are compromised American walmarts have prepaid phones going as low as $20, it is worth a small donation to a violent corporation if you are in need of safety, do not let any punk values or protests discourage you from doing anything you need to become safe.

If you are seeking to support a safe survivor through recovery: Listen to their needs, encourage them to seek help and avoid negative coping skills, give consistent support, and never shame them. Set clear boundaries, encourage them to do the same, and provide any local resources you know of. Do not force them, or be angry at non-linear recovery, offer your open heart if you want to warm theirs. Remember that survivors are not irrational, even if they are making harmful decisions or do not understand their impacts, emotions, and identity.

Lesser known but very helpful therapies are out there. Seek professionals with good reputations surrounding your struggle, who are informed and caring, and never be afraid to switch even after just a few sessions to a different therapy or therapist.