Fart In It A Lil’ Bit

Nah guys the Jedi temple lowk reeks! Imma betray my master and turn to the dark side the first chance I get dude!

Can someone curse my firstborn? I don’t have the heart to give them a miserable enough childhood to make them a good person.

When a rat climbed into my hat I was hoping for like a ratatouille type situation but instead he’s just been pulling my hair to tweet racist things about the Turks

I am woke beyond my years

Finally finished sawing my ankle off with a butter knife so the feds can’t track me to Chuck E Cheese anymore. I’m coming for the rat.

Who the fuck invented shitting? Stupid extra step between taking off my pants and jackin off

Just found out my Hooters Buddy has been coming here to ogle at the waitress and our late night conversations aren’t the only thing that’s been keeping him going all month. Yeah man, me too.

Can everyone fuck off, I’m over here on 11 BCE tumblr trying to transcribe the ancient texts with #odyssey and all I’m getting is this AI slop Percy Jackson ripoff.

What do we do when the leopards have eaten all their faces and they’re still hungry?

Hey doc do you know what’s wrong with my head? And don’t say it’s the evergrowing purple ooze infested cyst on the side of my neck again because the ancient tablet, of which I was the first to read aloud in a thousand years, said that I’d be fine.

Tried to Shazam the sound of my heart healing itself slowly over the years, unfortunately there’s nothing like the sound of my own growth because it is mine and mine alone.