#insightful

Fuck up the way you paint your nails. Fuck up how you dye your hair. Laugh as you realize you missed a massive step in making bread. Scribble terribly in your notebook and CSP. Snort at how ugly the first clay figure you make is. Add glitter. Add spice. Make the wrong choice and laugh about how bad it got. Embrace that you're new and mistakes are needed. Embrace that you're a veteran and mistakes are always going to be there.

There's no cameras. The world isn't watching every eraser mark and every misstep. The universe loves you and loves seeing you learn in the way and time that you need. The stars love to see how you laugh and show off the good AND the bad.

*sniffs the apple*

i swear

i'm not always like this,

sick in bed with giggles and the stomach flu,

sick with some delirious daydream of being crucified;

it repeats until the colors swim in my eyes,

the taste of metal stings my tongue—

my head is pounding hard and i can't remember if i'm real it's not easy to make it stop i'm Not good enough(???????)

i think it would be funny if i drowned in the pool 

and you held my body—the only way you'd ever be that gentle with me.

limp limbs and clothes stuck to my skin

i'm never going to be beautiful or thin, or beautiful, or thin

your eyes don't roam so soon i'll be getting hit by a car in jean cut offs and a crop top.

i'll wear my worst shoes and i hope you wear your fourth best to my funeral.

i hope you stop by for a minute with your coffee still hot in your hand and your boyfriend in the car with the key in the ignition and rap or something blasting through the cold AC air, windows cracked open just enough for me too hear it in my coffin—i always knew he was a kind soul, the kind of man that could please you—

please, say you thought of me once in the past year, and if i'm lucky you typed and deleted a romantic love letter in messages ("Wyd") before i remember that you don't check your phone,

not for my sorry sake at least.

this is the kinda thing that makes me want to die.

what am i known for if not my drama?

Drew mira, being an ~expert~, she definitely gives off therapist vibes x)