REDACTED

if you hired a galapagos finch as a linecook it would perfectly evolve a beak to optimally smoke cigarettes behind the dumpsters

The strongest guy in the Magnus Archives is that one guy who was so obsessed with his dog that he just walked right out of the Spiral because it was her dinnertime

This is one of my favorite episodes. Fears can't hurt you if you're chill enough. The guy who walked in a spiral for four hours and then just left because he remembered he had somewhere to be is, to me, the avatar of the entities' fear

the woman who accepted that she was going to die on the underground, so she just lay down and fell asleep. still takes the tube to work

If a pip assessor was in front of me on fire and I had water I’d drink it

some of yall need to go back to like preschool level 'girls can do anything boys can do' feminism bc we are regressing into feminine = frivolous = weak = nurturing and masculine = power = force = competence at the speed of fucking light

Posts that would kill a peasant from 1173

i’ve reblogged posts featuring these two separately, but they go great together

i was gonna say “wow, they’re really pushing the came back wrong trope because buffy keeps repeating the exact phrase” until i googled and realise the phrase “came back wrong” literally originates from buffy. this show is like the modern shakespeare

'hikaru': i like you and we've known each other for a while, i want you to meet my familyyoshiki: but i already know your -cthulhu: n̶̡̜͖̣͌ĭ̶͖̩͕͈͐c̸͕͍̬̓ḙ̴͕̬̆͂̃ ̴̖͎͔̥̦̻̾̔̀t̴̜͓̼̞̩͚̂́ǒ̷̙̗̱͍̮̘̈ ̴̢͕̠͎̼̿̄̈́ͅm̸̤̖͖̗̤̈́͆̀̀͋̚ė̷̥̖͛ē̴͚̜̯͔̐͒̓̊t̵̠̋̑̓̿̓ ̵̨̮̜̰̘̈́͂̒͘ͅý̸̡͙̃̄̍̍͝ō̷͉͈̊̐u̶̗͉̒̃̾͋̊

Twitter ads try to turn you into a Nazi, Bluesky tries to turn you into an Elizabeth Warren staffer, TikTok ads try to turn you into one of those radical centrist incoherent political assassins. But Tumblr. Tumblr ads are trying to turn me into a fucking Jacobite

I have just been informed that the Tumblr Sexyman poll has taken yet another life, so for legal reasons I am here to inform everyone that I did not kill Pope Francis