dingbat

‘Rat Park’ -Stuart McMillen

So many dog owners are practically allergic to doing anything to alleviate human anxiety around their dog, even things that would greatly benefit the dog like keeping it leashed and not bringing it into high stress environments* without cause. If a friend told me they were afraid of cats, I’d tell them it is best we meet outside of my home because that is a completely reasonable accommodation. There are so many horror stories about someone being told another person is afraid of dogs and repeatedly putting them in situations where they have to be in close proximity to a dog without that person’s consent because they think it’s funny or because ‘My dog is such a good dog. It’ll definitely change their mind about dogs. This is like impromptu exposure therapy.’ and it makes everything worse.

Someone being frightened and on the verge of a panic attack at your little Shih Tzu mix may seem like an amusing overreaction to you but those bitches (pun absolutely intended) do bite and the safest thing to do for that person and your dog is to keep them separated. You don’t know what life they’ve lead.

Years ago a friend of mine had a dream about a strange invention; a staircase you could descend deep underground, in which you heard recordings of all the things anyone had ever said about you, both good and bad. The catch was, you had to pass through all the worst things people had said before you could get to the highest compliments at the very bottom. There is no way I would ever make it more than two and a half steps down such a staircase, but I understand its terrible logic: if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.

Of course! I'm so sorry that you're struggling. Definitely bring it up with your doctor if you are able. Something I would also suggest is looking into mental health charities in your area. Some of them may be able to provide free or low cost counselling. Even if they don't, a lot of them will have articles, podcasts, videos, app and book recommendations on various coping methods that you can try and implement to hopefully make things more manageable for you. If you send them an email explaining your circumstances, they may also be able to help you connect with other resources for support, and often times they can make referrals or write letters of recommendation for support.

Here is a prayer for in time of need:

Almighty God, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, come to my help and deliver me from this difficulty that besets me. I believe Lord, that all trials of life are under Your care and that all things work for the good of those who love You. Take away from me fear, anxiety and distress. Help me to face and endure my difficulty with faith, courage and wisdom. Grant that this trial may bring me closer to You for You are my rock and refuge, my comfort and hope, my delight and joy. I trust in Your love and compassion. O Lord, Thou who steadied the hand of Peter as he began to sink on the stormy sea, if Thou are with me, no one is against me. Grant to me the shield of faith and the mighty armor of the Holy Spirit to protect me and guide me to do Thy will. The future I put into Thy hands, O Lord, and I follow Thee to a life in Christ. In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.

And here is a prayer for your mental health:

O Master, Lord my God, in Whose hands is my destiny: Help me according to Thy mercy, and leave me not to perish in my transgressions, nor allow me to follow them who place desires of the flesh over those of the spirit. I am Thy creation; disdain not the work of Thy hands. Turn not away; be compassionate and humiliate me not, neither scorn me, O Lord, as I am weak. I have fled unto Thee as my Protector and God. Heal my soul, for I have sinned against Thee. Save me for Thy mercy's sake, for I have cleaved unto Thee from my youth; let me who seeks Thee not be put to shame by being rejected by Thee for mine unclean actions, unseemly thoughts, and unprofitable remembrances. Drive away from me every filthy thing and excess of evil. For Thou alone art holy, alone mighty, and alone immortal, in all things having unexcelled might, which, through Thee, is given to all that strive against the devil and the might of his armies. For unto Thee is due all glory, honor and worship: To the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.

I'm not sure if you know about this, but there is also a resource called Hallow. Which is an app that includes things like guided prayers, meditations on Scripture, and so on. I do believe it has a cost, but they may still have some things available for free to use. While doing things like this won't immediately solve all of your issues, by making some quiet time each day for prayer you can help bring down your stress levels which should help with that brain on fire feeling. If Hallow isn't accessible enough for you (in terms of cost) then there are hymns and stuff you can look up on Youtube. Even just putting some headphones on, closing your eyes, and listening to a few hymns has really helped me.

How to identify, and then deal with, your emotions

Emotional regulation skills

Conflict resolution skills

Creating and enforcing boundaries

Dialectical Behavioural Therapy skills

Emotional intelligence ideals to aim for

Axes of self-care/wellbeing

Self-care self-evaluation (find out where you’re starting)

How to make a self-care checklist

How to start a self-care habit

Reparenting resources

Crash Course Psychology

KhanAcademy: Understanding the Self and Society (some units more relevant than others)

Emotional education activities for children and teens

wrote this because i feel like. everyone wants you to know that if you're suicidal you don't have like. the right? to be in a relationship which is unfair. and fuck that. but, i feel like there's way to manage? cope? with suicidality that are better than others.

do not use criticism directed at you as an opportunity to inform someone you're suicidal. it should def never be a part of an argument about something else, even if that's how you feel. exit the argument with a "sorry i cant deal with this right now, be back in x hours" if you're feeling suicidal because of an argument then please do coping mechanisms unrelated to your partner. making someone feel like they can't criticise you or you'll kill yourself is like the no. 1 thing you shouldn't do. it makes all relationships pretty false if someone can't be intimate/honest with you and the threat of suicide is so high stakes it stuffs all criticism. you can explain why 48 hours later. i cannot emphasise the value of your cool down even tbh for your suicidal feelings. i will kill myself after 48 hours is an underrated coping mechanism.

if you notice a specific criticism triggering you more than twice, let your partner know its a real trigger. they should ideally notice that you exited from a conversation multiple times for a specific reason. then you should have a conversation about whether that criticism is a deal breaker for you guys and if and how you want to work on it.

ideally, when you do tell your partner about being suicidal. it should be when you're not otherwise having a conflict and be clear about how close you are to making plans and maybe commit to checking in every few hours. the emmengard scale is very useful is communicating what kind of suicidal you are. if you do intend on a killing yourself, making someone feel complicit in it only makes sense if you want to actually blame them for it? like idk think about if you want them to really feel responsible.

The “getting it done in an unconventional way” method.

The “it’s not cheating to do it the easy way” method.

The “fuck what you’re supposed to do” method.

The “get stuff done while you wait” method.

The “you don’t have to do everything at once” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be permanent to be helpful” method.

The “break the task into smaller steps” method.

The “treat yourself like a pet” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be all or nothing” method.

The “put on a persona” method.

The “act like you’re filming a tutorial” method.

The “you don’t have to do it perfectly” method.

The “wait for a trigger” method.

The “do it for your future self” method.

The “might as well” method.

The “when self discipline doesn’t cut it” method.

The “taking care of yourself to take care of your pet” method.

The “make it easy” method.

The “junebugging” method.

The “just show up” method.

The “accept when you need help” method.

The “make it into a game” method.

The “everything worth doing is worth doing poorly” method.

The “trick yourself” method.

The “break it into even smaller steps” method.

The “let go of should” method.

The “your body is an animal you have to take care of” method.

The “fork theory” method.

The Filioque: The Orthordox believe that the Holy Spirit proceeds from the Father alone, while we Catholics believe the Holy Spirit proceeds from the Father and the Son. this makes our Nicene Creeds different and begins arguments on which Creed came first and is the ‘true’ one.

The Pope: The Orthodox believe that all Bishops are equal under Peter, so there’s no need for one leader of the Church. Rather, their Bishops are their own small leaders for each Church/parish/diocese community.

Mystery: This one is kinda tricky so I’ll explain it best I can. Orthodoxy leans more towards mysticism when explaining theology, while Catholicism uses more logical and rational explanation. For example: If you asked an Orthodox person how the Eucharist becomes the Body + Blood of Christ they’d say they don’t know and it’s a mysterious gift from God. If you asked a Catholic, they’d most likely explain transubstantiation to you.

Purgatory: This kind of relates to Mystery. The Orthodox don’t really have a full concept of purgatory. Some believe it exist, some don’t, but there’s a general consensus among all Orthodox that there’s a 3rd option outside of Heaven/Hell

There are some other minor differences like priests must be married in Orthodoxy, how we celebrate Mass and other Sacraments, dates of Holy Days, etc, but these are the main ‘issues’ between the two. Generally, in modern day, we get along pretty well since we’re the two largest non-protestant denominations. Both Churches have apostolic succession and both Churches affirm each others Sacraments meaning that I, as a Catholic, can receive a Sacrament in the Orthodox Church and it would be valid in the Catholic Church