Dilly Firestarter

P.S Please consider this.

Dear Anonymous,

By a twist of fortune your letter arrived during a visit from my Lord’s cousin, the Lady Elizabeth Midford, and so it was decided that I would be put in this hairstyle to see if it would suit me better than loose hair. Despite my innate lack of cuteness or adorability my Lady has managed to create what I am assured is a most flattering style, though my Lord’s exact opinions were difficult to distinguish in between his laughter.

The Marchioness of Scotney arrives later today and so I have been ordered not to let my hair down until she decides if this is a less disgraceful appearance for a butler than my usual loose hair.

Yours newly decorated,

S. Michaelis

Dear Anonymous,

While I do not entirely remember when it was, I do recall that I was utterly charmed from the very first sight of a cat peeking at me, knowing nothing about them other than they were one of the many types of creatures roaming the earth.

Yours with fondness,

Dear Anonymous,

I have yet to meet a human who only commits one of the deadly sins with exclusion to all others, which is a boon for I find the conflicting psychological torments to be a font for the more interesting wishes.

However, if I were to picture a human whose psyche was dominated by only one of the sins my answer would be thus:

The saying Pride Goes Before The Fall is an apt one. Pride will drive a man to reach far beyond the limitations of his skills and intellect, never recognising how out of his depth he is until it is far too late. The proud who require me never fall quietly; they drag down those around them as their failures mount up, sowing chaos far beyond their own self. They so easily convince themselves that they have what it takes to trick me out of my payment, yet never has a single one managed to do so.

Conversely I find Sloth to be the least interesting of the sins, for there is not much one such as I can do with it. A despondant person wallowing in their own lassitude is not the type to desire for much beyond being spared the effort of having to desire at all.

Yours justifiably proud,

S. Michaelis

Dear Anonymous,

During the waking hours I must perform my duties step by step in order to prevent anyone suspecting that I am anything more than human. While I am an incredibly capable butler, I have a large estate, a demanding Master, and only limited staff with even more limited capabilities at my disposal.

When all are a-bed I set aside these boundaries in order to rejuvenate the manor to a state befitting my Master: all insects are banished and the changes they wrought are reverted; every withering petal and blade of grass in the garden is purged and replaced; the fine misting of dust (for humans are forever moulting their skin and hair) is removed from the air before it can settle; subtle traces of human oils and human blood that human senses are unable to detect are bled out of the surfaces they were deposited on; all weathering and wear to the interiors and facades are reverted back to the state they were when I first resurrected the Phantomhive manor.

Then once my tasks are done, as per my Master’s recent orders, I sit in my room and stare at the wall until it is time to start a new day, for he does not appreciate being watched over as he sleeps unless he explicitly requests that I do so.

Yours most productively,

S. Michaelis