im miserable in a cool fun sexy way u wouldn’t get it

asking "hey is it fine if I smoke in here" and before you're able to answer I've already set up a full rack of salmon over a fire in your living room

I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

In this economy you'll be lucky to retire to your nickels

#believewomen

what’s it called when you’re so disconnected from reality that cold water doesn’t feel like anything and you can barely taste food anymore

girl shocked to discover that inaction can have consequences too

local woman disgusted to learn that choosing not to decide or act is, in itself, a choice

sometimes i truly forget that everyone sees characters straight as default bc i saw a comment like “next thing you know they’ll make luke skywalker gay” and im just…….. he…. he is ?

I keep thinking about that text post that’s like “don’t worry Mr. Skywalker. I saw your Chanel boots”

Not now kitten daddy's googling his symptoms

Daddy has five days left to live

That post about fly me to the moon and let me kick its fucking ass has permanently changed me.

seeing straight men be disgusted by booktok smut recommenders has actually radicalized me to the side of booktok smut recommenders. girls your taste may be atrocious but i will never disparage you for exposing mainstream discourse to the concept of soaking through your underwear. spent my whole life listening to men talk about penises it’s about time they get jumpscared by women talking about pussy in crude detail on social media. go forth and goon my warriors

Never ever ever eat raw white onion and then smoke cigarette.

The gnomes beat the shit out of you again?

The gnomes beat the shit out of me again.