identity theft is not a joke, Jim

Cream of the Crap, 2019

Chonk

Goblin

Floof

Naked

It’s spring now so that means I’ve been thinking about my plans for summer camp at the parks where I work. I’ve been told by a lot of kids and parents that my camps are Better, and while I usually have no idea what to do when someone praises me I’ve come to take a lot of pride in being Good At Camp. I have many fond memories of summer camp as a kid (most of my good childhood memories, in fact) and the majority are due to what can only be described as “camp culture.” Summer camp is a world that operates differently from the ones kids know at school and at home. Some of Camp Culture is the unique rituals and games that each group of kids discovers on their own, but a lot of it is the environment that we as adults make the effort to create.

So here are some of the things I’ve learned that I do differently from other camp directors, that maybe my fellow camp directors/counselors and youth mentors can learn from!

Let kids pick their own camp names. By this I mean that on the first day, when we introduce ourselves and make name tags, I let kids decide what I and everyone else at camp will call them. About 95% of kids just stick with their name, but sometimes kids choose outlandish nicknames for themselves like Coconut or Kirby or Sharkbait, and that’s fun. More importantly, though, there are a lot of kids who don’t like their given names (for any reason, really, but special shout-out to everyone who doesn’t like their given name for Gender Reasons). These kids absolutely light up when you tell them you’ll call them whatever they tell you to call them on the first day of camp.

Bypass the stressful illusion that you’re going to maintain orderliness and instead aim for controlled chaos. For example, whether we’re hiking or walking to and from different locations, I don’t bother trying to get kids to walk in a line. There’s no real necessity for it as long as they stay with our group. Instead, we make a “counselor sandwich” where the the adults at the front and the back are the “bread” and the kids are the “sandwich fillings,” and as long as they “stay in the sandwich” I’m satisfied. There’s also the added entertainment of hearing them proudly declare what sandwich ingredient they are.

Related point: Sometimes you gotta just find an easy and inelegant solution to a problem to streamline activity transitions, etc; since we lack actual cubbies or hooks or anything at all the rec and parks camps, I designate one picnic table at each location as the Stuff Table and everyone’s backpacks and coats and water bottles go on it. Once that kind of system is in place you can designate a Stuff Tree or a Stuff Rock or a Stuff Log out on the trail, YMMV.

Under no circumstances should you force a kid to engage in a game or activity. YES they do have to stay with the group, and that might mean they have to keep hiking when they don’t want to, but NEVER EVER shame a kid for “I don’t wanna.” My only responses to I Don’t Wanna are “you don’t have to,” or in the case of a hike, where they can’t just sit on the ground nearby, “if you don’t feel up to it you can sit in the office on the cot until you feel better” (the parks and rec equivalent of an infirmary). I have had kids with anxiety and the families of kids with anxiety tell me emphatically that not being mandated to do new and intimidating activities was a huge boon to their metal health. I have watched anxious kids blossom over the course of a summer (or two or three) as they gradually gain the skills to join in and try new things. I often invite kids who are uncomfortable in this way to be a referee or to help set up the equipment for a game, and they have all appreciated the (no pressure) invitation, even if they don’t always accept the task right away.

Never underestimate the power of shouting RED LIGHT to get a kid to stop doing something inadvisable. Many kids who are completely deaf to their own name when combined with your impassioned pleas to stop running will immediately freeze upon hearing “RED LIGHT.” Bonus: other children will often join in with you in shouting it.

Whenever possible, encourage kids to resolve conflicts themselves. When I see an argument brewing, I usually remain on standby until a kid requests that I step in (unless it looks like someone is REALLY going to lose their temper and lash out). Sometimes I’ll cut in and ask, “is something wrong?” which kids are usually eager to answer. Which segues into:

Don’t force kids to say “I’m sorry.” A sulky, forced apology is meaningless and most kids recognize (and resent) this. Instead of demanding “say you’re sorry,” I usually ask the aggrieved party “what do you want to happen now/next time?” I also ask the other party what they want to happen next time, since it usually reveals what caused them to escalate the situation in the first place. Sometimes the answer IS simply “I want an apology,” but often this question leads to more constructive solutions like “I want him to give me a chance to kick the ball” or “I want her to stop calling me a Dunkaroo” or “I just want to be left alone.” I also highly recommend “just spend some time away from each other” as a viable conflict resolution for kids, though with a camp group it’s not always possible.

I allow kids to engage in conflict-inducing games that other counselors won’t by using them as an opportunity to teach my campers about consent. There are few things more adorable than watching large group of preschoolers carefully negotiate how and who they will throw water balloons at because I have told them that they MUST get permission beforehand EVERY SINGLE TIME they want to throw a water balloon at someone or they won’t be given any more water balloons. I have witnessed countless iterations of conversations like, “can I throw one at you?” “only if I can throw mine at you” “hmmm nevermind then” “okay”

This goes for most kinds of physical contact. A lot of counselors will declare No Touching Of Any Kind rules and then paradoxically initiate games of tag or sports that require mildly violent physical contact. So not only do I find “don’t touch anyone else ever” to be a ridiculously unenforceable, even psychologically unhealthy rule, I’ve also never seen it consistently implemented. The Touching Rules that I enforce all come down to “ask first even if you are trying to be nice” and “always stop if the other person doesn’t like it.” And the classic, “no kissin’ at camp,” because some kids are just a little too affectionate.