Toast the Unknowing

Betrayed and backstabbed by your scheming evil advisor? Psch. Skill issue. Absolute amateur problem. Just hire two of them and reward them for snitching on each other. Just make sure that neither of them is gay or they'll just end up hate-fucking each other and fucking you over all the same.

"hire two evil advisors but make sure neither of them is gay" are you hearing yourself right now. be serious

opening Tumblr is like a cigarette break

an interest passing feels like being abandoned by the evil spirit that had taken possession of your body

pulling out hanks of grass and sighing listlessly. i kind of miss being posessed. isn't there an evil spirit somewhere that wants to possess meeee

actually we should start headcanoning female characters as being terrible with children

stop mother-ifying fictional literally all female characters. that fictional woman would not know what the fuck to do with a child

when i say “girl” randomly as an interjection i’m speaking to the omnipresent all knowing being of Girl. asking her for mercy. taking girl’s name in vain

It is so human and so not romance novel that after Elizabeth Bennet in Pride & Prejudice reads Mr. Darcy's letter and accepts that Wickham was the real villain and not him, her reaction is not, "Oh no, I loved and lost him!" it's "Oh shit, I fucked up! I hope I never see that man again in my entire life."

I hate when I get two problems in a row. They’re all gonna think I’m making it up.

A three-circle venn-diagram where the circles are "sex workers", "the furry community", and "people working in morgues". I don't know what the overlap parts are.

Fourth circle needed: IT workers

You say that with such confidence that I am compelled to trust your vision. Personally I have no idea where this is going.

i'd say the overlap between "sex workers" and "people who work in morgues" is probably "seeing naked strangers a lot"

"professional handling of bodies of strangers"?

Okay I’ve gone through many of the reblogs and “prefer when clients don’t talk to them” is peak

I think the middle overlap could also be 'the world would collapse if they stopped doing their jobs'

... who the fuck is fetishizing IT workers, and, more importantly, why are none of you doing it to me.