#DETROITginger

Damien Rice cuts concert short in Chicago, IL 10/13/2014

Americans and Canadians alike flock from different states and areas to witness the triumphant return of Damien Rice touring in the United States after a 9 year stint being a “9 Crimes” of no tours across the pond. They got more than they bargained for, and then less than they paid for.

Damien, very timid though angelic sounding, croons and cries out 3 songs before complaining about ear and sinus trouble. The crowd coaxes him into into a few more tunes, in which he gets in “Delicate” and Volcano” from his album “O.”

By the middle of the sixth song, Damien stops dead center and says “I’m sorry, I just can’t do this. You all will get your money back,” sets his guitar down, and walks off stage. Many who traveled for the show sat in disbelief, hoping it was some sort of prank. It wasn’t.

By the songs played, Rice was worth every penny paid, and we hope he has a speedy recovery. As for the tickets sold to concert goers, the venue has asked consumers to wait 48 hours until they know what JAM Records will do to issue refunds.

NEW MUSIC TUESDAY: K.Michelle's "Love 'Em All" brings an interesting and modern outlook to a pop/hip-hop track, mostly because of the fact that it takes a shot at double standards. Instead of saying “Yes, I’m a woman and I need a monogamous relationship,” she plays it (dare I say it since I’ve being scolded for it before) like a dude. She can do what she wants, sleep with who she wants, and it shouldn't be that big of a deal. Regardless of what they say, with her always with a different guy, it's her life.

Some of the lyrics include: “Why can’t they understand Sex is irrelevant Just a game in my head, I’m playing and I’m winning

(Oh) I broke another heart today (Oh) and I didn’t care I just walked away.”

I find this to be a breath of fresh air. Though there isn’t entirely anything special about the sound of the music itself, the message is something that women don’t always tread on, leaning toward the "I want to love a man." It's a brave move for a singer who isn't well known on the top 100. The double standards of the “man” and what they believe we should do as women - whether it be “women should not hook up with too many guys,” to that a girl can’t play the field.

Props to you, sister.

In case I forget this feeling, here I sit, notebook in my hand, taking solace in the only thing I truly have, my thoughts.

The band plays loudly and I begin to scour the room for a familiar face. Not because I want to see him, it’s that I wish to avoid him. I push away men who are too devoting. Mostly because I cannot handle that kind of obsessive admiration.

What I choose to handle is a man, though calm, cool, and collected, finds himself at an impasse in life. As he lays, arms around me, I feel myself become more indifferent. I brush my hand across his buzzed hair and kiss his temple. I wonder if this is all I’ll ever have.

"I’ll never get married," he says as we walk the road. Last time we held hands. Maybe it was because we had consumed beer. I think back to me holding him as he rubs the inseam of my palm with his fingertips. He asks me what I’m thinking about. I sometimes have an answer, but this time I don’t respond.

I realize what I want more than anything is to prove to him that he’s worth more than he thinks. This man, sprawled across my backseat, who can be both loving and indifferent every other day. I could stay, if he would let me in.

What I say has no meaning in its place as I take him to his car. I get one last kiss, then nothing for days again. I’ve become accustomed to this, this time around, his lack of needing me, but I can’t tell if it’s because if I really want someone to care or if he and I are just both looking not to hurt anymore.

This is modern love, and it’s blasphemy. This is how the creatives live, these modernists. I don’t feel I belong here. Even if I accept what I can barely get from him, or leave and he begs me back, I feel a small piece of my romanticism go missing. A modern girl in a modern world.

Don’t assume that they know what they are talking about. Don't assume people notice your pain. Don’t assume they know who you are. Don’t assume their lives are perfect. 

The fact of the matter is, we’re all okay until we’re not. More often than not, we like to hide our imperfections.

We hide behind the smiles and the laughters of the child still inside. Behind closed doors we still remain more than what people see on the surface. An iceberg, tip floating above water, with troubles down below the dark water.

Some hide it well, cloaked with a smile. You’d never know, even if you were paying attention, that they aren't fine. A reminder to all that everyone fights a battle, be kind to those who surround you.

It is a shocking reminder that even in the midst of laughs, Robin Williams was harboring depression, and eventually took his life in an apparent suicide. Some people brush suicide under the rug, and so now, hopefully, people will listen more closely, since it's a celebrity who's touched all of us through his performances. My friend was much the same, he hid behind a smile. He was always "happy" to us, and spent his days teasing and pranking his friends. The reminder is much too real on days like these, especially with such a high profile suicide. 

Don't hide. Please seek help. In a suicide, you transfer your pain to your loved ones. And maybe you don't feel like you have any, but trust me, the funeral parlor would be full for you, because you matter. 

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Born This Way Foundation http://bornthiswayfoundation.org/help

I know you could leave these types of synopsis for the likes of Thought Catalog and Cosmopolitan, but at least you know mine are from visuals or real life experience – with no fluff. So there’s that. Here’s 9 guys you need to kick out of your life, pronto.

  1| The Cheater: If a person is seeing you behind someone’s back, having sex with you, or sending naughty nudes to you when they have a significant other, official or not -  run. It doesn’t matter if they say they will leave them, that it’s just better with you, or that they can’t help how they feel about you and other said person: they aren’t worth your time. And even if they do leave their significant other for you, after this deception, how can you trust them to not just do that to you? You can’t – and trust is the number one most important thing with a significant other. You can’t afford to sweep that under the rug. 2| The Player: You ask around and this guy is known to be a philanderer. They have multiple escapades, and most of them are common knowledge to their boys – and it’s loudly talked about. They are constantly texting with multiple people, saying they are “just friends,” and that they are “just getting to know people,” but really, they are making the same little notions to the other girls that they are to you.

  3| The One-and-Done: So you give into casual sex, congratulations. You think you made a connection during the night, and this is most likely someone you’ve known for a while. But then something changes, and there’s sexual tension. You go for it. The days following clear up what actually happened – you have to go out of the way to address what happened, because after a 48 hour stint, there’s been no follow up. Words to the wise: If they don’t contact you within the first 48 hours after a hook up, chances are, it was a one-time thing. Don’t waste your time continuing to try and see them, inviting them to parties you’re throwing, or trying to hit them up on social media. You look more desperate, and it’s not becoming. In the words of Elsa, LET. IT. GO.

  4| The Unsure Booty Call: This one is tricky and similar to the one and done, but it’s different in this way: They contact you at sporadic moments and want to hang out – most likely to hook up. You don’t give into it, but then when you decide a week later or so that you’re feeling adventurous, they are nowhere to be found. Or they “just went on a date with a gorgeous girl and think they have a shot.” No, hold onto your pride and leave the indecisive alone.

  5| The Insecure Facebook Messenger: You know the guy, he’s posting on Facebook his woes. He wants a girlfriend, or a date, or someone to hang out. He’s constantly hitting up the dive bar looking for some equally insecure tail, and when that doesn’t work, he takes to messaging you on Facebook, asking you if you’d like to come over and cuddle and watch a movie. For those who are naïve, unless you’re actually dating, CUDDLE is a code word for LET’S HAVE SEX AND WE’LL NEVER TALK AGAIN AFTERWARDS.

  6| The Flirtatious, Sarcastic Co-Worker: You have sexual tension in a small space in those cubicles or offices, and yes, you feel it. It’s this lingering elephant in the room, and though it seems like it’s becoming unbearable, what’s more unbearable is dealing with the aftermath of an office fling. Besides, you don’t want to get drunk at a Christmas Party and kiss anyone who’s married. Be professional and set the boundaries – AND NEVER EVER CROSS THEM.

  7| The Guy Who Hates His Mother/Hates Kids: There’s a difference between not wanting kids and hating kids. There’s also a difference of not liking your mother, but still loving her, and HATING your mother. And if you find a guy who hates his mother and hates kids – that’s not someone you want to be around.  Not only will he not have a respect for his mother, he won’t respect you, or yours. And, how can you hate a child?  I mean, c’mon… that’s just heartless. That’s like hating puppies.

  8| The One Who Thinks Your Profession/Degree is Useless: Respect comes in the level of many ways, but if someone hates your passion, chances are they won’t ever understand the true you. If you’re an artist, you can’t date anyone who finds art to be a useless commodity. If you’re into politics, you probably won’t want to date an anarchist. Pretty self-explanatory.

We would like to think we are living in a modern world with age appropriate ideals. That Western culture has evolved so rapidly, and we’re at the forefront of Civilization. This is completely false, and anyone with eyes and no biased sense of Patriotism can see that we’re one of the most uncivilized “civilized societies.” Men and women are always going to be at constant odds, and will always hold each other to a standard the other one cannot meet, and by no means can we say there is a superior sex, nor will there ever be 100% compliance and equality between sexes (or races, or genders for that matter).

Just like people like to play the race card, women will play the “It’s because I’m a woman” card, and statistically they are almost always correct. True Life: Some men don’t treat women with respect, and “that’s the way the world works.” That doesn’t excuse one person to treat another poorly, but it’s a common day-to-day lesson, and quite frankly, something we as women realize at some point we have to learn to live with.  A decent amount of men have authority issues in regards to a woman in power, and while many women are subordinate to men in the work place, when the tables are turned, the men have a hard time coming to grips with being an obedient coworker when taking direction from a woman. There are currently many powerful leaders that are not of the male persuasion in corporate America, but when you boil it down to the every-day job, we still find men belittling women or compensating for women: “You can’t lift that! It’s too heavy.” “You can’t be in the city after dark!” and indications that “You certainly can’t handle half of this job that we’ve already hired you for because you are a ‘young lady.’” Tools and grunge work? That’s not for you. But yes, we can go work barefoot in your kitchen hoisting a Turkey the size of a full cooler of soil and groundwater samples. To some, having a vagina suggests you are weak. And if you stick up for yourself or attempt to be firm, you are hormonal and are a bitch.

Admittedly, women do request to be treated equally and simultaneously demand chivalry, and that is unfair to the modern man. Respect is important, but a small part of this Male Entitlement Epidemic can be connected with the idea of men wanting to disregard the idea of chivalry and courteous dating – calling it modern dating, but in turn happen to be completely throwing out common human respect as well, looking at women as sex objects rather than partners. Case in point, the most recent of offenses made by one Elliot Rodger, a 22 year old in California who took his lack of respect a million steps further than any common man would. Taken from a New York Post article, quotations from his Manifesto written prior to taking multiple lives included the following: “‘Women should not have the right to choose who to mate and breed with,’ he fumed in the tome. ‘That decision should made for them by rational men of intelligence. If women continue to have rights, they will only hinder the advancement of the human race by breeding with degenerate men and creating stupid, degenerate offspring.’ ‘Women are like a plague,’’ Rodger wrote. ‘They don’t deserve to have any rights . . . Women are vicious, evil, barbaric animals, and they need to be treated as such.’” – The New York Post, http://nypost.com/2014/05/25/the-twisted-hate-filled-manifesto-of-calif-gunman-elliot-rodger/

Rodger followed a group online specifically referred to as “The Manosphere” by the Washington Post, who’s views stem from “Learning how to be an Alpha Male,” “How Feminism has corrupted culture,” and “How to use Negging (Insulting a Woman to throw off her confidence) to achieve sexual contact.” None of this should be of any surprise to males of current melting pot. It’s been used in sitcoms and illuminated in male magazines to stimulate the confidence and thick skin of what a man should be in the dating world. To be the tough guy, and to care less about the relationship than this helpless, fragile creature of a woman that they are trying to entrap. It also should be no surprise that along with men having issues dealing with authority figures at work, a good chunk of men don’t take kindly to powerful or driven women of any nature (unless they are into that sort of thing in bed). Elliot is a special case, which many people have taken to social media to voice their opinions. Not only are people posting the #YesAllWomen hashtag both on Twitter or on Facebook with examples of male intolerance, but many men are stepping up trying to defend their bruised egos that “Not all men are like this.” And it’s true. But even the “nicest” men out there have inklings of the same behavior, from not only talking and sleeping with many girls, but simultaneously holding women to a different standard. “If she puts out too fast/more often than what I’d like, then she must be a slut.”

  Even so, the #YesAllWomen tag has gotten much backlash, suggesting that women are just bashing men, not actually uncovering anything important – once again, devaluing the thoughts of a woman, acting like the things they are “complaining about” are irrational. It’s rare to hear a man talk about being afraid of being raped. It’s uncommon for a guy to be cautious in walking the city streets in fear of being kidnapped. And they most definitely don’t complain about being cat-called or ogled, or groped, or molested when they “dress a certain way” to go out. Non-Feminists will say that some women practically “ask for being raped” when they wear little or revealing clothing, but it more clearly illustrates that some men do not have any self-control, and somehow that lack of self-control is the woman’s fault for being too alluring or looking like a whore.

  A constant unbalance in health care has been cause of talk in the last few political years, including a battle of women’s contraceptives being covered under Obamacare. But for some reason, Viagra, a stimulant for men’s erections can be covered, but preventative care for women is a huge battle. Government officials in places like Michigan have exacerbated the problem on a legal level by passing a bill recently that prohibits medical coverage under insurance for abortions. “‘Democrats labeled it the ‘rape insurance bill’ because it would, in effect, require women to buy abortion coverage in advance even if they never expect to need it — such as if a woman becomes pregnant from a rape.’” – Detroit Free Press. With enacting this, the problem becomes the woman’s because she cannot rid herself of a terrible burden of something a man did to her unwillingly, and for 9 whole months, the evidence is under her shirt.

  Taking all of this into consideration, people must ask themselves when the actions of men actually equate to being the man’s fault? And why should women have to live in fear, or cater, or be perceived as weak? To exercise the right to speak and be heard without being told their views don’t matter (or to have to create a social media movement with hashtags to do so)? Will we be in an age that devalues the women that raise the next generation of children that further prolong growth of the world? And who will want to live in a society like this when spoiled, self-entitled virgins kill their peers because they don’t feel cool enough or are sexually frustrated outcasts?

It’s an eye opening thought. And I bet you $10 that there’s already a man reading this thinking that I, as a woman, am out of line for something I have said, or think it’s an over exaggeration that women have it harder than they do in regards to torment. I’m not here to stand on my soap box, but some things need to be put into perspective for the general public to truly understand. And if a Man could handle all the emotions, objectification, hormones, children, fear, pain, torment, and still hold their heads high in six inch heels, I would applaud them too for their “burdens.” Until then, think before you speak, but more importantly, hear and understand what is really going on in the world today. You’ll be a better human for it.  

-DETamie

I question the sanity of the modern “man,” which coincidentally behaves nothing like what a gentleman is supposed to be. Now, before this becomes a scathing review of the opposite sex, let’s be clear: I am not always lady-like and I know this to be a fact. I spend more time rolling with the boys than girls, and I would much rather sit down and drink a beer and watch a hockey game than go out clubbing in a mini-dress and taking shots of tequila. That being said, let’s continue.

  Just Kidding.

It’s 2014, and as I’ve gotten older, I’ve seen guys go downhill. It’s not to say that there aren’t some good guys out there (there are even still a few rare beasts who open car doors for you, which is above and beyond but amazing), but what I see is a rounded upset of disrespectful boys that just happen to be over the age of 21. Not only do they not want relationships with girls, they don’t even know how to respectfully strike up a conversation. Social media is not helping with this.

  It’s no surprise that social media is destroying our forms of communication. I know many people (myself included) who feel exceedingly awkward when talking on the phone. Texting leaves us with a sense of “communication” without having to actually communicate with the individual, and though convenient, it lacks a form of connection that we crave as humans. The addiction of Facebook has created a sense of narcissism. Not only do we sit around posting what’s great and what we love, photos of us doing awesome things, and making life seem seamlessly easy, now we’ve entered the age where people hide behind their computer screens to engage in some form of “relationship building.”

  Our parents have stories of meeting across the crowded room, locking eyes, and being drawn to eachother. We, on the other hand, have someone reach out to us from our high school graduating class almost 6 years later, trying to strike up a conversation in hopes it will lead somewhere (in bed). And hey, it’s not too bad if you’re saying “Hey, I’d like to get to know you better, let’s hang out,” but when it comes down to it, most of the time (especially the men, sorry) are trying to start up a sexual relationship from their smartphone.

  I am here to tell you this: THIS IS NOT RIGHT, NOR IS IT FLATTERING. I am about to get vulgar so please bear with me. I don’t want to see your penis on my Snapchat, nor do I want to see you playing with yourself. I don’t want to come over and “cuddle.” I don’t want to have a one night stand with you. And though I know you “mean well,” telling me that you dig a girl who “knows how to work her curves” in a Facebook Message isn’t going to do ANYTHING FOR ME, except maybe motivate me to get my morning run in. These are not exaggerations, these are all things that have happened to me.

  I get that we all are afraid of rejection, but when did it become okay to try and get women (or men) to take naked pictures and send them to eachother rather spending time together, and let all that shit happen organically? It’s one thing if you are in a relationship and trying to spice it up, but good god, man, that’s not how you court a lady! And by that proof alone, we know that you aren’t trying.

  Now, for the cold hard truth. Ladies – please take note: If a guy doesn’t try to become your friend/treat you with some form of respect, then ask you out – AND I MEAN REALLY LIKE “WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO OUT SOMETIME” not like “Ay, yo, let’s chill,” then he’s not trying to be your boyfriend. So many girls have this ingrained in their brain that if they put out when hanging out with a person that it’s going to go somewhere. You can’t fuck your way to a relationship. It just doesn’t work that way. Maybe a few people have happened to do so, but honestly, it’s not the #1 path to greatness. It just leaves you confused, wondering if he’s going to text you within 48 hours, leads you to texting him, and then feeling slightly rejected as you crawl off to lick your figurative wounds or get under the next poor asshole you’re going to get obsessed with next.

  People can be straight forward and say they don’t want a relationship, but I am living proof of the fact that girls don’t listen to this. Or guys for that matter. We all think we can “change someone’s mind.” No. Casual sex is just that. Casual. So if that’s what you want, then so be it. Go get it. But at least be stable enough mentally to do so. If you know you are a relationship type person (something I just realized myself), then don’t try to force yourself into a box you don’t fit in. If you want a boyfriend/girlfriend, look for someone who wants those things. Don’t try and start something out of thin air with someone who wants pretty much nothing to do with you except a few pumps and a run.

Bottom line is this: I think this generation and even some others as well need to re-evaluate what we’re really doing here. If we run around participating in hook up culture, we’re going to have a lot of jaded individuals with trust issues, on top of people who don’t know how to have a real relationship. On top of this, we should probably evaluate what people should be treated like: with respect. If you actually want a boyfriend or girlfriend, maybe a little TLC would be the right way to go. Treat people like they matter. If you’d rather participate in the “uncork her and pork her” mentality, well… than that’s your choice of fate, but don’t come crying to me when your kid asks “How did you and Mom first start dating?” and your response is… “Well, back in the day, there was this thing called Facebook…”

Be an unstoppable force because you deserve the best. Don’t let people take you for granted. Strive to get as close as you can to the dreams you set for yourself. Do not try to live up to others expectations. Believe that good things will come to you at the time they are meant to. Know that you are worth more than how some people will treat you. Understand that smarts come in varying degrees of intelligence and field, and that you can have amazing skills without being textbook smart. Accept that people will try to tear you down because they fear your strength. Hold your ground when it is important, but more importantly, know when you are wrong, and admit it. You may not be someone’s cup of tea, but you may be someone’s shot of tequila, and that is perfectly okay too. It’s okay to feel passion, and it’s even more okay to get hurt. Feel inside yourself that love will find a way. Become someone that you can look in the eye in the mirror, because even with the best congregation, you still have to be able to live with yourself. Be beautiful in your own way, because society doesn’t know what beauty is. And above all else, always love yourself, even if you find some days you hate yourself.