as an aro I always have a little ball of rage inside of me and it wants to devour the world. just so you're aware

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@despairoace
as an aro I always have a little ball of rage inside of me and it wants to devour the world. just so you're aware

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some personal struggles that claiming label 'aromantic' helped me with
all the rights that come with marriage you should be able to have without marriage btw. you should be able to designate a person who can visit you in the hospital regardless of your relationship to that person.
People in the notes are saying "You can!" referring just to the hospital visitation part, and sure (depending). But people should have access to ALL of the benefits of marriage without needing to be married.
You should be able to add anyone you want on your health insurance plan.
You should be able to sponsor the visa of anyone you choose to move to your home country.
You should be able to name anyone you choose as the legal-from-birth legal coparent of any child you give birth to.
You should be able to apply for student aid on your own at any age.
And yes, yes, ideally healthcare and college should be free, international migration should be unrestricted, and the entire concept of legal parenthood should be rewritten from the ground up. But right now we're talking about marriage benefits.
opposite of a wife guy im a my friends guy. oh you like that flower thats crazy my friend literally gardens. oh you ate a bagel today thats crazy when i hung out with my friend we got bagels. oh you took a walk by some water that's crazy because a year ago me and my friend took this specific walk by the water and it was meaningful. phone screen of my friends. always talking about my friends. starting to think nobody else has my friends in the same way that i have my friends and im really sorry about that you know what i mean
#myfriends
(rent lowering post) ryland grace is subtextually aroace in both the phm book and movie, as well as very likely aroace-coded in the movie due to there plausibly being intent behind that subtext, and referring to grace being aroace as âjust a headcanonâ for the sole purpose of trying to argue that itâs âokayâ to ship him (read: shut aspecs up when they mention you are doing amatonormativity) is disrespectful to IRL aroace people who are using their own lived queer experience to analyze the story and identify that subtext

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It really is so telling when people are like "Well aromanticism and asexuality are modern identities, so it's impossible for people to have historically had anything pejorative to say about the category of 'people disinterested in sex and romance' that might be of relevance to discussions of ace and aro identity. However my concept of gay identity is that it has always been exactly the same as today and I can totally project modern ways of thinking about gayness backwards into history."
do think when people say "we know marriage is a social construct, but it's a legal way to be able to take care of someone else and vice versa" as if those of us making a point about marriage (i would say, a lot of us being aromantic people especially) don't know this fact, are missing a bit of the point about why this is stressed and potentially not giving enough grace to (again especially aromantic) people who say this.
when it's framed as a "so just get married for legality reasons" and im like. you mean like how gay people married/marry people of the opposite gender for legality reasons? and that's considered to be a symptom of a problem, not the solution? you want people to "just" get married against their will because it's the only solution this system has available?
if people cannot or will not get married for whatever reason -- not just for being aromantic, but, say, due to inefficient disability support measures within marriage, because of having had bad experiences with marriage in the past, because of being polyamorous, because some element of marriage is ineffective, unwanted, limited, discriminatory, or hell, because you can't find somebody to marry or nobody wants to marry you, or maybe because you just plain don't want to without there being a distinct Reason -- then it's a problem that this is the only framework in place for people to be afforded certain legal and social protections.
i am glad for others that more people can get married, but it's a flawed institution with gaping holes that isn't for everyone and builds social structures that leave so many people behind and unsupported. this is abundantly obvious in the way that we saw why people pushed for the need for equal marriage in the first place.
that's what's said when making a point that it's a social construct. and also what's meant (partially) when pushing against the idea that "love" as concept isn't at the core of queer (amongst others hinted at in this post) activism, because it's about building better structures. if the only people we care about are those we "love" within a family unit, or those who successfully manage to pretend that unit without actually really wanting it, and if not being in that unit for whatever reason means that care isn't going to be/is no longer afforded, then are we really doing any better than heteronormativity?
more people need to read up on "amatonormativity" from the original source (this is a summary from the same person written in 2012 and so doesn't include aromantic, but it's all in there) before they start pushing marriage as the ultimate goal of queer liberation, or indeed any liberation.
"aro/ace people can still be in relationships/have sex!!!" yeah and lesbians can have sex with men without it invalidating their identity, but if you go up to every lesbian you meet and start screaming about how "lesbians can be in relationships with cis men too!!!" you're gonna end up with a lot of pissed off lesbians because you're highkey replicating the same "you don't have to go against the norms of allocishet society! you can just be Normalâ˘!" messaging they've been bombarded with ever since they started using that label, just dressed up in progressive language.
I wish I could talk about amatonormativity & how shitty the world is for single people without being told that I should get a roommate. I have a roommate, it is not socially acceptable to rely on a roommate the way you rely on a significant other.
do think when people say "we know marriage is a social construct, but it's a legal way to be able to take care of someone else and vice versa" as if those of us making a point about marriage (i would say, a lot of us being aromantic people especially) don't know this fact, are missing a bit of the point about why this is stressed and potentially not giving enough grace to (again especially aromantic) people who say this.
when it's framed as a "so just get married for legality reasons" and im like. you mean like how gay people married/marry people of the opposite gender for legality reasons? and that's considered to be a symptom of a problem, not the solution? you want people to "just" get married against their will because it's the only solution this system has available?
if people cannot or will not get married for whatever reason -- not just for being aromantic, but, say, due to inefficient disability support measures within marriage, because of having had bad experiences with marriage in the past, because of being polyamorous, because some element of marriage is ineffective, unwanted, limited, discriminatory, or hell, because you can't find somebody to marry or nobody wants to marry you, or maybe because you just plain don't want to without there being a distinct Reason -- then it's a problem that this is the only framework in place for people to be afforded certain legal and social protections.
i am glad for others that more people can get married, but it's a flawed institution with gaping holes that isn't for everyone and builds social structures that leave so many people behind and unsupported. this is abundantly obvious in the way that we saw why people pushed for the need for equal marriage in the first place.
that's what's said when making a point that it's a social construct. and also what's meant (partially) when pushing against the idea that "love" as concept isn't at the core of queer (amongst others hinted at in this post) activism, because it's about building better structures. if the only people we care about are those we "love" within a family unit, or those who successfully manage to pretend that unit without actually really wanting it, and if not being in that unit for whatever reason means that care isn't going to be/is no longer afforded, then are we really doing any better than heteronormativity?
more people need to read up on "amatonormativity" from the original source (this is a summary from the same person written in 2012 and so doesn't include aromantic, but it's all in there) before they start pushing marriage as the ultimate goal of queer liberation, or indeed any liberation.

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aroace coding/subtext in project hail mary (2026)
hi. me again. happy pride! this post is my place to collect all of my thoughts regarding the aroace subtext and coding in the project hail mary film. iâve been having a lot of really great conversations with friends about how i believe that the PHM movie is not only a film which CAN be read as an aroace story centered around an aroace protagonist, but one which has intentional subtext (coding) which supports that reading. unfortunately i am very bad at gathering complete, coherent thoughts on the spot, and my memory is terrible, so i wanted to collate them here for my own reference and also to share them with others!
Iâm so tired of the âwhy do people hate aspecs, they arenât doing anything?â argument. I know that it is an attempt to support us, but it fails so spectacularly to understand aromanticism, asexuality, and any other aspec identity that itâs actively frustrating.
We are doing something. Weâre rejecting allonormative ideals and thatâs a massive thing to do. Weâre actively fighting not just to help other aspecs, but to help everyone, because amatonormativity (and allonormativity as a whole) hurt everyone. Single people who want to find a partner but canât also deserve to be able to exist.
There are so many issues with the expectation of marriage, including:
A single income isn't enough to get by anymore
Having a spouse is almost necessary under the current medical system
Society shames and pressures people who are single to get into relationships constantly
Rejecting allonormativity means fighting against these things that hurt everyone.
So, no, aces and aros and other aspecs aren't "doing nothing." We're doing quite a lot.
your goal as an aromantic person should be to live a life that is incomprehensible to the alloromantics
bathe in your own sunlight !!!!!!

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Gee letâs see whatâs going on in the aromantic subreddit! Surely nothing absurd or knee-jerk reactionary for no actual useful reason!
TIL that ânon-aroâ is hate language
sometimes it's so very draining that the majority of aro content is about fictional relationships.
irl, i live alone. irl, i am disabled. irl, that intersection and my lack of interest in partnering actively makes life really hard. everything is expensive. i can't always cook when i want to or have fresh ingredients, because my symptoms don't care if I want to cut up vegetables and eat something homemade before they go bad. if I have a bad flareup and getting up is not in the cards, that's it. i have what's next to me. the lack of social support for single folks, for disabled folks, for folks whose family care is inadequate or damaging... it's impactful.
I talk about how i once visited a place with an ex partner. i mention how our relationship started because i was pressured into it, and i wasn't really into the level of seriousness and 'forever' she treated it with. everyone says it's weird that i agreed if i didn't want it to be serious. i remember being 16, saying no, and a chorus of people telling me i was stupid and immature, that her family was rich, that we would be cute and to listen to them, not my heart. my heart was saying nothing.
i look at my current age and life goals. for many of my peers, dating and marriage and eventual kids are common goals. i am watching my rights erode and trying to practice good mental hygeine. my five year goal is to be alive. my next major life milestone is a nebulous desire to find a life i can tolerate living.
being aromantic significantly impacts my day to day. i want to see aro people living their lives, and doing so with joy. i want to see aro adults making it, ones like me. i want aro people to thrive. i want to live, aromantically.
i scroll the aro tag. it's fandom and shipping and asexual posts.