I wish I could talk about amatonormativity & how shitty the world is for single people without being told that I should get a roommate. I have a roommate, it is not socially acceptable to rely on a roommate the way you rely on a significant other.
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@despairoace
I wish I could talk about amatonormativity & how shitty the world is for single people without being told that I should get a roommate. I have a roommate, it is not socially acceptable to rely on a roommate the way you rely on a significant other.

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do think when people say "we know marriage is a social construct, but it's a legal way to be able to take care of someone else and vice versa" as if those of us making a point about marriage (i would say, a lot of us being aromantic people especially) don't know this fact, are missing a bit of the point about why this is stressed and potentially not giving enough grace to (again especially aromantic) people who say this.
when it's framed as a "so just get married for legality reasons" and im like. you mean like how gay people married/marry people of the opposite gender for legality reasons? and that's considered to be a symptom of a problem, not the solution? you want people to "just" get married against their will because it's the only solution this system has available?
if people cannot or will not get married for whatever reason -- not just for being aromantic, but, say, due to inefficient disability support measures within marriage, because of having had bad experiences with marriage in the past, because of being polyamorous, because some element of marriage is ineffective, unwanted, limited, discriminatory, or hell, because you can't find somebody to marry or nobody wants to marry you, or maybe because you just plain don't want to without there being a distinct Reason -- then it's a problem that this is the only framework in place for people to be afforded certain legal and social protections.
i am glad for others that more people can get married, but it's a flawed institution with gaping holes that isn't for everyone and builds social structures that leave so many people behind and unsupported. this is abundantly obvious in the way that we saw why people pushed for the need for equal marriage in the first place.
that's what's said when making a point that it's a social construct. and also what's meant (partially) when pushing against the idea that "love" as concept isn't at the core of queer (amongst others hinted at in this post) activism, because it's about building better structures. if the only people we care about are those we "love" within a family unit, or those who successfully manage to pretend that unit without actually really wanting it, and if not being in that unit for whatever reason means that care isn't going to be/is no longer afforded, then are we really doing any better than heteronormativity?
more people need to read up on "amatonormativity" from the original source (this is a summary from the same person written in 2012 and so doesn't include aromantic, but it's all in there) before they start pushing marriage as the ultimate goal of queer liberation, or indeed any liberation.
aroace coding/subtext in project hail mary (2026)
hi. me again. happy pride! this post is my place to collect all of my thoughts regarding the aroace subtext and coding in the project hail mary film. i’ve been having a lot of really great conversations with friends about how i believe that the PHM movie is not only a film which CAN be read as an aroace story centered around an aroace protagonist, but one which has intentional subtext (coding) which supports that reading. unfortunately i am very bad at gathering complete, coherent thoughts on the spot, and my memory is terrible, so i wanted to collate them here for my own reference and also to share them with others!
I’m so tired of the “why do people hate aspecs, they aren’t doing anything?” argument. I know that it is an attempt to support us, but it fails so spectacularly to understand aromanticism, asexuality, and any other aspec identity that it’s actively frustrating.
We are doing something. We’re rejecting allonormative ideals and that’s a massive thing to do. We’re actively fighting not just to help other aspecs, but to help everyone, because amatonormativity (and allonormativity as a whole) hurt everyone. Single people who want to find a partner but can’t also deserve to be able to exist.
There are so many issues with the expectation of marriage, including:
A single income isn't enough to get by anymore
Having a spouse is almost necessary under the current medical system
Society shames and pressures people who are single to get into relationships constantly
Rejecting allonormativity means fighting against these things that hurt everyone.
So, no, aces and aros and other aspecs aren't "doing nothing." We're doing quite a lot.
!!!
your goal as an aromantic person should be to live a life that is incomprehensible to the alloromantics

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bathe in your own sunlight !!!!!!
Gee let’s see what’s going on in the aromantic subreddit! Surely nothing absurd or knee-jerk reactionary for no actual useful reason!
TIL that “non-aro” is hate language
sometimes it's so very draining that the majority of aro content is about fictional relationships.
irl, i live alone. irl, i am disabled. irl, that intersection and my lack of interest in partnering actively makes life really hard. everything is expensive. i can't always cook when i want to or have fresh ingredients, because my symptoms don't care if I want to cut up vegetables and eat something homemade before they go bad. if I have a bad flareup and getting up is not in the cards, that's it. i have what's next to me. the lack of social support for single folks, for disabled folks, for folks whose family care is inadequate or damaging... it's impactful.
I talk about how i once visited a place with an ex partner. i mention how our relationship started because i was pressured into it, and i wasn't really into the level of seriousness and 'forever' she treated it with. everyone says it's weird that i agreed if i didn't want it to be serious. i remember being 16, saying no, and a chorus of people telling me i was stupid and immature, that her family was rich, that we would be cute and to listen to them, not my heart. my heart was saying nothing.
i look at my current age and life goals. for many of my peers, dating and marriage and eventual kids are common goals. i am watching my rights erode and trying to practice good mental hygeine. my five year goal is to be alive. my next major life milestone is a nebulous desire to find a life i can tolerate living.
being aromantic significantly impacts my day to day. i want to see aro people living their lives, and doing so with joy. i want to see aro adults making it, ones like me. i want aro people to thrive. i want to live, aromantically.
i scroll the aro tag. it's fandom and shipping and asexual posts.

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The concept that married people live longer is interesting. I'm sure there is some merit to the idea that if you're married there is someone there to nag you about going to the doctor, but I think much larger factors are having the finances of dual incomes and access to an immediate support person.
Surgeries require having a designated person to look after you. Many injuries require driving to somewhere like an emergency room which can be hard to do if you are the one injured. If you're home with the flu, it's hard to tell when it's bad enough to go to the hospital without another person checking on you. And if you pass out it requires another person to find you like that to get medical aid.
You can prop it up as the benefits of marriage, but I think there's a much deeper discussion to be had about how we've built society around marriage as an inevitable conclusion and neglected to build support systems that function outside of romantic pairings.
Being aromantic is like. Making dinner. I’m never going to be the most important person in someone else’s life, even if they are to me. Cutting carrots. I’m going to be alone in the nursing home. Giving my dog his bedtime treat. I’m likely never going to be prioritised by my closest friends and closest social connections. Scrubbing a pan. Will my dad cry when he finds out I won’t have a wedding?
Being aroace is very important to me because I am in a world and society where romance and sex is valued so highly and those who do not participate in it are losers, boring and all sorts of other insults.
many people would be happier and feel less broken if we de-centered romantic relationships but idk if queer people are ready for this discussion. simply because if you are traumatized and soft conversion therapy’d out of expressing romantic desire, the idea that romance is not important is traumatic. and then there’s the pervasive family of origin trauma. if your partner fulfills the ache of unconditional love that you never felt growing up, you understandably will want to prioritize that relationship. plus there’s the pervasive sexual shame.
which means that people who are aro and ace kind of have to navigate a soup of other people’s trauma that we trigger by existing, and definitely trigger by taking up space and CERTAINLY trigger by offering observations like this one.
romance would not fix me. romance would make me considerably worse. romance would make me kill someone. probably a politician

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I don't see a lot of aromantic people talk about the struggle of still experiencing general romantic desire, but not experiencing romantic attraction to anyone
I'm so hungry I don't like food
happy aro awareness week to every aro who wants to kiss and date and be in a relationship, who understands and desires romance even if we cannot feel it the same way. you are just as loved and worthy