sometimes i think about an au where ilya chickens out of going to the cottage for whatever reason, and shane just. kinda gives up. stops pursuing him. still texts him and is there vaguely as a friend, because he cares about him and wants him to know that, but no more than that.
shane thinks he's respecting ilya's choice: we cannot do that, we cannot be more, this risk is too much and i am not willing to take it. continuing to pursue ilya at this point would feel tantamount to trying to pressure him into a relationship, and shane doesn't want to do that. so he'll back off, let ilya know he's here just generally as someone who cares for him, but, like, he gets it. he'll stop. he'll allow ilya his distance. he respects ilya's decision, even if it breaks his heart.
meanwhile ilya stops getting daily texts from shane, spends all day thinking about shane, glowers at his phone all summer long (he goes back to russia with svetlana. he stays for all of four days before he books a flight back to boston. why did he even do this? he asks himself. papa is dead. mama has been dead for so long. he doesn't want to talk to his brother. so why is he even here?) and then finally hockey season starts up again and shane Doesn't Text Him to talk shit about the san francisco game he watched last night, and ilya realizes like. wait. what the fuck? no, no, no. this feels bad. this feels bad and wrong. this is not what i want.
except. now it's ilya rozanov vs himself: final boss, "avoidant tendencies and self sabotage" edition. if he wants shane back, he's going to have to be honest about his feelings, voluntarily, for the first time in his life. in tampa he wouldn't have admitted to anything if shane hadn't more or less dragged him into talking about his feelings kicking and screaming; at this point he's got to imagine tampa shane there again, taking him by the hand and going "cut the bullshit, ilya," and then giving him those impossible-to-resist big brown eyes. it's a process.
anyways. where i'm going with this:
when boston goes to montreal, ilya shows up on shane's doorstep with a bouquet of flowers. shane is utterly bamboozled.
he's standing there in the entryway (he let ilya in, of course, but they haven't made it past the front hallway) holding this big colorful bouquet like. ????? what??? what is this?? you... don't do things like this. what is happening? what are you doing???????
and ilya has to shove his hands in his pockets so he doesn't start wringing them like. um. i don't know. i don't know what i am doing either but i just wanted to. i don't know. do you like them?
shane takes a whiff (they are quite fragrant and he does like them) and sighs wistfully and says yes, but he doesn't understand...???????
and they're both just standing there right next to the front door with this giant bouquet of flowers between them like ?????????????? until ilya clears his throat and asks if shane has plans for dinner, and the metaphorical lightbulb goes off and shane just gapes at him.
like. wait. ilya rozanov, are you... trying to woo me?
and ilya is like âŚâŚ.yâŚ.es??? unless you don't want me to be, in which case no, and you can throw those in the trash, and you can also simply kill me so i do not have to live with the shame of this. or if you do not want to kill me because it would make you sad i can just go throw myself into traffic or something. it's fine. um. yes.
shane stares at him for a second. and then goes on a mad dash for the nearest vase because he can't just drop the flowers, he has to put them in water and be gentle with them, but also if he doesn't get to grab ilya by the lapels of his jacket and kiss him stupid in the next minute, he might die.
(the corollary to this is that shane spends several days admiring his beautiful flowers, stroking the petals and sighing dreamily over them. when they finally start to wilt, he takes one of the hockey books he's read several times before and presses them.
a year later, ilya does go to the cottage. shane is in the shower, and while he's waiting, ilya idly picks up one of the books on the shelf in the living room to flip through, and finds it full of dried and carefully pressed flowers. odd, he thinks, but cute.
and then he asks shane about it, and shane goes pink all the way to his ears and says they're the flowers ilya bought him last year. he couldn't bring himself to throw them out, so... yeah. <- he says this with a casual shrug, as if he hasn't just hit ilya with an instant one-hit KO.)
izzy806
tangentwithtanner
turnnoffyourmind
yousharknotpass
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