why this

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

not really sure how to get her out though

for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her

No longer allowed to help my dad in the garden because i picked up the shovel and he saw “a gleeful and cruel darkness in my eyes”

i just feel strongly that work shouldnt be the Main Activity of five days out of the week

my disco elysium character ass childhood

I saw a poll on here in passing recently about where people first learned about the concept of lesbians, and the possible responses were all like "knew one", "taught about them", "saw them on TV". girl I learned about lesbians because when I was four I got obsessed with a girl in my class and kept imagining elaborate arthurian scenarios where one or other of us was revealed to secretly be a (male) knight in disguise, but after a while I got so frustrated that I couldn't progress the situation beyond that fantasy that I went to my parents and asked "are girls allowed to marry girls" and they went well. not yet. sit down, kid.

it turns out that making big positive changes in your life is great but it also forces you to reckon with the years you spent not really living and makes you feel like you're carrying the corpse of a 20 year old girl on your back

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

The editing of this video is hysterical and genius- they switch between so many editing styles to reflect exactly what kind of thing they're going for in each segment its GREAT.

got my first ever official customer complaint because when i was going over the terms of their life insurance they were like "well i don't plan to die" and i was like "well you're going to"