Gods Least Favorite Soldier

About Me —> You may call me any variation of “Frog”. You can use He/It pronouns for me. I’m an adult so minors, exit stage left, this ain’t a place for y’all. I have many disorders (mental and physical, some diagnosed, some not). I’m also comfortable with asks/dms

About This Blog —> This is a blog dedicated to shitposting with my uncensored raw thoughts—which will be all over the place—so be prepared for that. Most of these are things I saved to my drafts and just didn’t post for one reason or another. This will be a mix of serious & unserious but mostly just fucking around. I enjoy many different things and some of my interests will be tagged too.

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#Frog Gets Real — Vents & Rants

#Frog Gets Silly — Memes & Joke Images

i had a really good day, called with this lass i really like, she’s so sweet and kindhearted and has me hooked. but then my ex texted me. i love talking to them, it’s like i can breathe again and then i feel awful. knowing my ex—now back to just being my best friend, although we rarely talk—is moving on.

but another part of it is that i feel awful because every time i think i like someone it’s almost like anyone compared to them? this ex? who i was gonna marry, who genuinely felt like my soulmate, just… doesn’t feel the same. and im not looking for the same, i know i’ll never find a soulmate like feeling like that again, but then im just settling and im the dickhead who’s not over his ex.

which in fairness, this lass is fully aware of our situation and knows about it, i’ve been open about it. we’re not committing to anything atm bc of our own situations. but man.

and what’s worse? everytime it feels like a cruel joke by the universe, that the second i try to move on, they’re finally texting me again, it’s happened twice now. and god, maybe it’s sick of me to partly hope it’s some sign they’re secretly knowing i’m trying to move on so are trying to stop it but that’s fucking delusional so i quickly push that away because that’s not true.

like the whiplash is insane-and they happen simultaneously. this feeling of intense, almost dread, like feeling to my core that im just bad, rotten, poison-while also truly believing im actually a very loving person.

It's probably my self destructive habits that make me see myself as "evil" mixed with... many other things. but deep down, i feel like i have *too* much love to give, and more often than not i don't know how to give it and express it, or i don't have the guts to, the energy to.

and im just stuck with all this love for people who probably don't even know how i feel. or at least i hope they know, these days i feel like some of the only ways i can show i care to my family (the two of them i actually care about) is through my protection, by risking my own injury by carrying my little brother when he twists his ankle, or clearing the basement like some military op for my mom when she's worried someone's down there.

i try so hard endlessly. and i wish i didn't just feel... too broken all the damn time.

and with some people i do, i feel more safe—or maybe just desperate enough to be seen, understood, and to give this care to, to give someone what i want, have wanted for so long and lost it all—i express love so much, so expressively, so lively, so brightly, they’re the light of my world and i want them to know that.