generic clusterfuck

FIJMU News 10-8-16

The latest film in Disney’s recent trend of remaking their animated classics as live action will be “Moana,” the original of which has yet to be released.

“We at Disney feel that Moana is our best animated film yet and we won’t wait to adapt it as a live action feature,” said Disney representative Mike Pence (Not to be confused with Republican Vice Presidential candidate Mike Pence). “With successes like “Maleficent,” “Alice in Wonderland,” “Cinderella,” “The Jungle Book,” and the upcoming “Mulan,” and “Beauty and the Beast” films, we feel the time is right to adapt Moana for a 2019 release.”

Disney is not without its critics however. According to film critic Tim Kaine (Not to be confused with Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Tim Kaine), “Disney is all about money now, they’ll remake anything they’ve got for a quick buck.” There’s no denying the trend, but with high box office results and good reviews, many feel the remake fad is delivering some of the studio’s best works. Moana has received very good reviews from preview screenings, and the live action version will surely be worth seeing.

A very tiny percentage of creators go on to be famous, but that doesn’t mean that people don’t remember little things you did for years and years. Who came up with most of the world’s most famous jump rope rhymes? Who coined some of the famous idioms we use in daily speech? Who made up ‘Jingle Bells, Batman Smells?” Somehow, all of these things stuck and spread around.

When I was a small child, I saw a high school put on a production of the musical HONK. In one song, the mother duck describes various dangers that her baby should avoid in the water, including fishing line, which could strangle him. A member of the ensemble played the role of fishing line, doing a maniacal laugh and over-the-top strangling motions, and I found it hilarious– and to this day, that’s an example I often think of when talking about how ensemble members can still stand out in theatre. The guy who played the role might not even remember that he did that, but I do.

I took Suzuki violin lessons as a kid. The teacher made up lyrics to some of the songs, and she let her students make some up, too. Now whenever I hear the instrumental of one of those pieces, I always remember these ridiculous lyrics about a skunk that we sang in violin class. I don’t even know which student invented them!

In middle school, I found a video about atoms parodying Bill Nye made by some kids for a school product. It probably had less than 1,000 views, but I think of quotes from that video all the time. They had a parody of “We Will Rock You” with the chorus, “Protons, neutrons, electrons” that I think about a lot.

A third button has been added. everyone who presses the red button survives regardless, but if a majority press the red button, everyone else dies. If a majority of people press the blue button, everyone survives—except for anyone who presses the green button. Everyone who presses the green button gets a crisp 1 dollar bill

Nigel Farage is the leader of Reform UK, a far right party who are currently in the process of a serious bid to become the UK government. they are just straight up evil.

Count Binface is an intergalactic space warrior with a bin on his head. he likes to run as a novelty candidate in general and mayoral elections. a big thing he likes to do is run as a candidate against the incumbent prime minister:

(Also pictured: Boris Johnson, Elmo)

Anyway, in brief:

Nigel Farage is currently in the midst of a big scandal about his finances

He has decided to deal with this by 1) making a show of nobly resigning from parliament and then 2) immediately running in the resulting by-election

He has stated that he is letting 'the people' judge his actions and implied that if he wins that will prove that he has been exonerated in the court of public opinion

His goal was presumably to get a big resounding win over the other parties, proving that The People still love him.

the other parties have thus far decided that this is a 'vanity election' and, well, there is one very easy way to ensure that he will not beat any of them, and that is simply not to play.

and as a result the only person who has so far confirmed they are running against him is Count Binface. no matter the outcome this makes Nigel Farage look like, u know, a fucking clown.