The Vamporium

and I said sure because why the fuck not, i’m here for a good time not a long time, and this motherfucker pulled a railroad spike out of his pocket.

A GODDAMN

ANTIQUE

RAILROAD

SPIKE

It was a fucking foot long chunk of steel that weighed about five pounds on its own so i was like ‘huh….. neat’

and he said ‘wait. there’s more’ and he took out a screwdriver. inlaid into the head of the spike. ‘things aren’t always as they appear’ he said as he unscrewed the bit and pulled out of this goddamn railroad spike

a statue

a tiny, tiny golden statue stood on the base of this flathead screw. it was a tiny golden man standing next to a tiny golden flower with gemstones in the petals. the whole thing was smaller than my thumbnail is tall. it was detailed enough that the tiny man had facial features. it was amazing.

‘oh my god,’ i said. ‘how long did it take you to make that?’

‘here’s a word of advice,’ he said, ‘never answer that question when people ask it. it devalues your work. you’ll get faster and better at things, and be able to make more art in less time. they don’t need to know about the process, just the product’.

and he left and that’s the one artistic piece of advice i definitely wanna hold to.

Used for: Breaking up and chasing away suspected malefica, unwanted presences, and various undesired energies.

Be careful when burning dried peppers or having them next to open flame. The first and only step to macing yourself is lighting dried red peppers on fire. Seriously, have your inhaler handy.

(Only 4 steps but it reads a bit long as I explain theory along the way)

Materials:

A candle of any size or color (if taking recommendations: taper or smaller for a quick-ish burn; red is ideal).

Dry red peppers, whole, flaked, or powdered. The hotter, the better (red pepper flake packets from the pizza place work well). The peppers may be suspended in a carrier oil.

A touch of carrier oil, such as olive oil (without peppers in it). Or, tap water.

Paper and a pen.

A small offering: three coins, a glass of water, and a small gift of your own choosing will suffice.

All statements may be thought, signed, or written instead of spoken.

Steps:

1. On the paper, write out in detail everything you want to be broken up and banished. Say you only have a vague feeling of a heavy energy holding you down: write about it. Write about how it feels and what the symptoms are and where you feel it most. Write out all your suspicions, worries, concerns. Describe what you're feeling. Write about when you think it started, or when you first noticed it.

This may be a sentence, but the more the better - feel free to accumulate paragraphs or pages of writing.

Whenever you are done emptying your desires onto the page, end your writing with a paragraph like this:

"The unwanted energy I have described will be melted away by my candle. The energy will be goaded and burned by the peppers until it is torn apart. It will be hounded and chased until it flees to the ends of the earth. Let my spell come together unto this purpose: that the unwanted energy I have described here is reduced to carbon, and what cannot be reduced to carbon is burned until it flees, and whatever flees is chased into oblivion and cannot return. As my word, so shall it be - [Your Name]"

Basically, just describe what will happen to the energies you've pinpointed through your writing. Explain what the candle and peppers are supposed to do. Pretend that you're giving instructions to the candle and peppers. Be a good leader and explain to your helpers what they are supposed to do.

2. Place your peppers on the paper. If using peppers suspended in oil, rub the oil all over your pages. Sprinkle powdered pepper onto each page, place whole peppers around the page like a border, whatever you like.

As you do so, invoke and invite the peppers to aid and assist you. Like,

"Peppers, I call on you for your incredible powers at this time: I have described this sort of energy that is around me that I need gone. And I've given clear details about how it should be burned away and sent away. I place you on this page now, because it holds everything you need to know. I'm doing this because I know through your incredible power, my needs will be fulfilled."

3. Anoint the candle with the non-pepper oil (or water). For a taper or votive, start at the base of the candle and draw the oil/water up towards the wick. For a tea light or jar candle, swirl the oil/water counter-clockwise around the top. Say something like,

"Candle, I need you for a task. I've written down this problem I am having. I need you to help me with this. I need you to provide fire and power to this spell, so that the peppers who are helping me have all the energy they need to do their work. And I need you to be the vessel of fire for me, so that my will be done. Work with the peppers, and give them whatever they ask for."

Do not dress the candle with peppers or pepper oil (safety hazard).

Place the candle in a fire-safe container/holder. Place the holder on top of the sheet(s) of paper (you may be more comfortable placing the candle holder in a larger fire-safe dish, and putting that dish on the paper).

4. Pray. It may be a prayer to yourself, or to a god, or your ancestors. Whatever the prayer is, it needs to have a few components. These are: A) asking for aide, B) promising payment, and C) devoting your power to the spell.

Example:

"I pray to my ancestors and the Powers That Be, that you see how I am working on my own behalf today. I pray that you open the gateways that must be opened for my spell to succeed. I pray that you clear the way, so that my work today is not in vain (A). I now make this vow: that the spirits who help me in this operation will not work for free. I dedicate [prepared offering] to the spirits which aid me, especially Pepper. I dedicate this offering to feed the spirits who aid me, so they have enough energy to complete my will (B)."

Now here's where we get to C, because depending on how much power you have, YMMV. Some of us out here cannot devote extra personal energy to spells, and devoting personal power willy-nilly is risky business regardless. So choose your wording carefully.

I sit here before this spell I have prepared. I have brought offerings to pay the spirits, and I have sacrificed my time and energy to prepare the spell. Let my offerings be devoted. Let my power be applied. Let this spell not be an empty vessel, but one overflowing. Let this be a true act of magic, worked through Me, with the aid of benevolent spirits, and those who come because they are paid. (C)

When the time is right, say something like: "As my words, so shall it be."

Light the candle. Set out the offering.

The candle does not need to burn down all at once. You may snuff it out and relight it as you please.

When the spell is complete, tear up the paper(s) and throw them away. You can burn them outside if you like but its not necessary.

HEYYY the Steam Summer Sale has concluded, so I can finally share all of the fake game art I got to make for it!! Woo

The idea for this sale was to design a bunch of relatively convincing key art to hide in the Steam storefront, but that would be a little weird on second glance—Erik Wolpaw and Jay Pinkerton came up with the names/descriptions for all of Clorthax’s fake games, and then I just tried to match their energy in the final art.

dog = pissed on the floor

toddler = spilled some milk

Okay, so disclaimer. I am a white ass bitch. But let me put down some truth on this matter.

POC are constantly ridiculed for alternative culture to what white america deems is okay, and yet somehow SOMEHOW the witch community…. a place for people who have been historically persecuted for their beliefs and lifestyle??? (specifically older/traditional witches) still finds a way to shit on black/latino witches whom decide to practice in a fashion similar to their ancestors.

I don’t know if little miss Mary Lou and Betsy know this… but poppets and various other magickal/occult items come from practices such as West African Vodun, Cuban Vodu, Dominican Vodu and various other African spiritual concepts/religions that were spread throughout by POC historically and thus developed into rootwork/Hoodoo. So please STFU and respect POC witches following a path similar to what their heritage is, or respect them if they follow a path far from their heritage. Just plain and simple:

Respect POC witches.

Stop telling us how to do our shit. We hex, we can be spiteful, we bury out novena candles in the ground. Fuck off @ eurocentric practioners who believe they are holier-than-thou because they are “good to the earth,” as if we aren’t or frown down upon us because they don’t agree with us. Last time I checked no one asked your no culture having asses what we should and shouldn’t be doing. And if I can recall, honey, your ancestors were amazed and afraid at what mine could do so step to me if you want. I guarantee you will all catch this work.

https://youtu.be/jVLFNKWbZDU

This is very, very, VERY common in folks who are seeking to reconnect to something else after being  burned by Christianity. 

The difference is this; the Norse gods do not demand that you hate yourself, or feel bad about yourself. They do not claim that you are somehow an inherently bad creature (sinful, what a strange concept! For such human things as enjoying comfort, or beautiful things or people? What a terrible way to live, being told that such things are evil, that you are evil for enjoying sex, or food, or getting angry. What a strange concept ‘purity’ is! That by denying yourself all that makes us human, you are somehow better? What ridiculousness!)

They do not treat you like a barely-suffered delinquent child, and do not threaten wrath and damnation for making mistakes. To make mistakes is human. Hell. Even the gods make mistakes, and know it. They are not omnipotent or all powerful, and do not claim to be. 

No heathens here are going to try and force you to conform to the One True Way of being heathen. It’s an intensely individual path. 

Ra waited… hell, probably 15 years for me to be comfortable enough with spirituality, then religion, then male-aligned deities.

I’m still working on trusting those that appear human, because that’s another burnout area for me for some reason. Apparently the Morrigan is\are thrilled with the offering I gave on my wife’s altar, Rhiannon seems very warm and welcoming, and I want to say hi to Wesir but I’m still not ready.

The thing to remember is that they are old. And they are patient. They’ve waited out Christianity for centuries…hell. Millennia. 

Waiting a little longer, for you? Is nothing for them. Fifteen years is a long time on human terms. It’s a snap of a finger for them. 

Small devotional acts.

Learn more about the history of witchcraft

Practice divination

Light a torch, lantern, or even a match

Thank her when you go through crossroads or intersections

Listen to music that makes you feel witchy or powerful

Do small, simple spells

Wear jewelry that reminds you of her

Burn candles; blue, black or white.

Think of her when you pass graveyards

Stand outside at night and listen to all the sounds

Dedicate a small part of the night to her

Read stories about ghosts or spirits

Burn incense blends that make you feel magical and in control

Greet animals, especially ones with black fur

Go on nighttime adventures

Wear makeup or clothes that make you feel powerful and confident

Get some plants that bloom/thrive at night

Be the ‘guiding light’ for others, however that looks for you

Sit in a room with all the lights off, burn a candle if you need to

Keep track of the moon phases, do things associated with each one

Incoporate darker colors into you home or outfits 

PRACTICE LOVING YOURSELF

Many, many, many other things not said here