Deagh's Mostly Irrelevant Gibberish

So ok look. The point is not the flared leg by itself. These cannot be yoga pants. These are, and you have to understand this if you are too young to have worn them, BLUE JEANS. And this was the last years before all jeans were 70% spandex.

They were denim, and they weren't bell bottoms. They hung loose from the knee in a way that would make a wizard envious. We all walked around like we were wearing hakama. And they dragged on the ground. That was important. Ragged cuffs. If your jeans weren't so long that they had ratty cuffs, they were embarrassingly short.

And the thing about denim is that it's a twill weave and it's cotton. So not only does it hold a lot of water, it wicks. Walking around in these suckers on a wet day could get you wet to the knees even if you never stepped in a puddle.

Then you'd go inside and take off your shoes and try to avoid letting your freezing, wet, filthy pant legs touch your skin.

Y'all made fun of all us GenXers and our 80s pin rolled jeans (yes, I know that's not what we called them but that means something else now and I'm not saying it) but at least our legs were dry.

Bartholomew

Dolores

Norman

Harold

Magnolia

Names that are normal for babies but weird when you're old:

Maddison

Tanner

Skylar

Mckenzie

Logan

Names that are normal for old people and normal for babies:

Elizabeth

Mary

Michael

Finnegan

Peter

Names that are weird when you're a baby and weird when you're old:

Radish

Kerosene

Australopithecus

Anthill

Hedgemony

Names that are weird when you're normal:

Balthazar

Romulus

Clandestia

Persephone

Kremulon

Names that are normal when you're weird:

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They never went through my phone

I don't know if they ever went through my phone

Yes / 10 - 12

Yes / 13 - 15

Yes / 16 - 17

Yes / 18

Yes / 20 - 21

Yes / they still do it, but I'm younger than 21

Yes / they still do it, and I'm older than 21

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2- Seems innocent enough, and Frodo will mostly keep to himself, but Sam will absolutely be waking you up getting him granola bars and shit out of their carry-ons. Will also meanmug you if you try to get up to use the bathroom. Gollum will also be leaning in and hanging over your shoulders whenever he takes a break from kicking the seat.

3- Out of the question, unless you are 7-19 year old extrovert and/or have nothing to lose. WILL clap when the plane lands. WILL eat your crackers if you’re asleep when the flight attendant comes around. Very little consideration for personal space. Theatre kids welcome.

4- It’ll be a long silent flight and they’ll both be courteous and polite but there will absolutely be a heavy third-wheel sort of tension, like they’re too nice to say anything but would be way happier if you weren’t there. Your only chance is to offer to switch seats so they can hold hands, but Aragorn WILL take a nap at some point and he WILL talk in his sleep. Also, if you switch for the aisle seat you will need to keep in mind that Legolas is absolutely going to recline his own chair directly on top of you.

5- Eomir is a sleep mask and headphones type of guy, and the window will remain closed. Eowyn’s longing glances to the right may be overlooked, but she’s also the type to monologue at increasing volume if you get to chatting and reach a topic she’s passionate about. Seat 5 is my personal choice, as it presents the lowest possible chance of waking up to a makeout sesh on either side OR a missing eyebrow.

6- Depending where the relationship dynamic is at at this point, it’s a coin toss between “Grandpa’s War Stories” and 8 straight hours of “I’m Not Touching You”, “Stop Hitting Yourself” type shenanigans on both sides. Also, putting the Dwarf in the window seat was a bad idea. You KNOW he gets airsick, and placing him in a corner directly between the only three elves was an act of direct biological warfare on the side of the airline.

7- Not the worst choice, as long as you don’t ask any questions about the family. Boromir is the type to share his political opinions at length unprompted, though, and responding in any way will only make it worse.

8- You are not cool enough to sit here.