Deaf Spoonie Warrior

Stay sick, and you’re not trying hard enough.

Make any improvement, and you were faking all along.

Share your reality, and you’re negative and seeking attention.

Fibromyalgia is wanting to do something physical but then your legs turn to jelly and you can’t keep going.

Fibromyalgia is trying to wash the dishes but for some reason you can’t seem to keep your grip and everything comes crashing down out of your hands.

Fibromyalgia is wanting to do something quiet like art or writing but as soon as you start to focus on something you get dizzy and your eyes begin to feel like they’ve been sandblasted and you can’t keep them open anymore, and if you don’t lie down you think you’ll be sick.

Fibromyalgia is fever chills and night sweats and day sweats, even though there is no fever.

Fibromyalgia is finally starting to feel better and getting some momentum, only to get sick with something again, and then you stay sick. And you stay sick. And you stay sick. And you stay sick. Until the cycle repeats.

Fibromyalgia is always being tired but never being able to sleep.

Fibromyalgia is always sleeping but never feeling rested.

Fibromyalgia is not who I am, and yet… it is all I am.

me: *sleeps a bit, is tired*

me: *sleeps average amount, is tired*

me: *sleeps a lot, is tired*

im sorry if eating has become more of a burden than a pleasure for you

im sorry if people dont understand and think youre just a picky eater

im sorry if youre afraid to eat, afraid of the pain or concequences that come with eating

im sorry if you cant talk about your food issues because its an “inappropriate topic” to bring up.

im sorry if people feel like theyre entitled to know your issues, im sorry if youve been robbed of that personal privacy.

im sorry if going to restaurants is really hard for you, you dont deserve to go through this, to have something that should be fun made into a hell

im sorry if you have to watch other people eat food that you love and that you cant eat cause of your illness.

im sorry if you have to starve all day when you go out because the place youre at has nothing you can eat

im sorry if you cant go out and be carefree about what you have to eat because you have to worry about what itll do to you

im sorry if theres a type of food you loved and you had to give up cause of your illness

im really sorry people think that youre just complaining over nothing when you talk about how much you miss not worrying or not being able to eat a type of food,

you have every right to mourn what your illness has taken from you, whether it be the food itself, the love of eating, the lack of worry, or the concequences of eating something, etc etc.

im sorry if the holidays have turned into the worst times for you, im sorry if family or friends arent understanding or if just watching everyone be able to eat anything any time they want makes you upset.

you have every right to any emotion this makes you feel

im sorry if people push off your issues to “oh if they just ate less/more theyd feel better”

im sorry if youre told to stop complaining because you “dont have it that bad”

you matter

your issues matter

and you will get through this.

Of course my belief was developed from an unwavering belief in the paleo diet it (until it did. Waver, I mean) and reading a million books on gut health.

I am now accepting monetary apologies from all my doubters via my paypal account.

mind: do the thing

Me: *sleeps 8 hours and wakes up exhausted*

Me: *sleeps 12 hours and wakes up exhausted with a migraine and back pain*

Me:

Step 1: PANIC

Step 2: Make a list… 

Step 3: Lose said list

Step 4: Pack your pills. ALL OF THEM.

Step 5: What about the other stuff? Like heating pads, TENS Unit, topical ointments, shoe insoles… 

Step 6: Attempt to fit said items into luggage you can actually carry

Step 7: Don’t forget to enjoy your vacation!