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Use of the words ‘azure’, ‘emerald’, and ‘cerulean’ in descriptive writing make me instinctively recoil.

huh, i feel like all three of those adjectives would do a good job describing orbs

you wouldn’t dare

This is the prettiest one

I regret never having done this when I’ve been to new years hot tub parties. This is amazing.

I need volunteers

For what?

I’m going to the airport wearing an expensive black dress with a diamond necklace and glasses of champagne in both hands, waltzing through, casually reminding my chauffeur to haul my bags in for me. I need 4-5 attractive people (race+gender doesn’t matter) wearing clothes that are not better than mine, and cool sunglasses begging me not to leave, on their knees, barely grasping my dress because they want me to stay but at the same time they know the dress is worth more than anything they can ever afford. Turning around every so slightly and almost spilling, but not quite all the way there, my champagne, I’ll laugh and say quite loudly, “darlings I have to visit my ACTUAL husband!”

how do i get in on this

This is the best thing on the Internet right now.

MOOOOOM, AUNT CAROL IS HEEEEEERE

I love this because I actually have an aunt Carol

a muggleborn student coming to hogwarts with a thermos flask and filling it with tea in the morning so it stays hot all day and their pureblood friends are like “whoa what spell did you use for that” and they’re like “?????? it’s just a thermos???” and all the pureblood students start pointing their wands at cups and saying “THERMOS”

THERMOS

plot twist: it works, mugs suddenly start keeping tea at the perfect temperature for the caster all day. students in muggle studies start experimenting with other muggle jargon and a new generation of magic spells are born, propelling the stagnated wizard community into the technological age

*points wand at book* KINDLE!!!! *book propels itself into fireplace and bursts into flames* I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP

so i may have written a fic about this

man: has anyone ever told you you’re beautiful? me: oh no sir, today is my first day out of doors and papà forbade mirrors in the house lest we fall victim to vanity

october-december is the best time of the year and you can’t tell me otherwise.