This is what I'm all about

I wish you all very good sex. if you don't like sex, I wish you a very good romance. if you don't want either of them. I wish you a very good bowl of soup and some bread, mate.

I cannot BELIEVE you guys actually signing up to netflix just because account sharing was banned. You need to learn about cool websites with many beautiful women who would love you message you and send you downloadable files.

TONIGHT. WE’RE DRINKING FROM THE POND.

God?

nothing like rereading a book you loved when you were younger only to realize the author can't write

Just remember you’re someone’s most bangable mutual. Maybe multiple. Freaks attract freaks like magnets. Where was I going with this.

sorry i moaned when you threatened to kill me

Couples t shirts that say “I bet on losing dogs” and “losing dog”