lost in reverie

1. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod you’re so hot

2. Early infatuation

3. I love you so much, I hope we can be like this forever :)

4. I’m so obsessed with you, it probably isn’t healthy but I’m not thinking about that now because I just want you here

5. iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou I’ve never felt like this before and this will last forever (real, trust)

6. He’s mine. Back off.

7. While this is wonderful and I love you a lot, I feel like I’ve stopped being my own person and that’s maybe Not Good

8. So, funny story, turns out being in love does not magically cure depression

9. Please reassure me you love me as much as I love you

10. Oh, so love can actually make depression worse. This is really Not Good (ft Robert Smith)

11. You noticed. You weren’t supposed to notice. Don’t leave. I can be happier. You’re not bad for me, I promise. Please don’t leave. Please love me less so you don’t have to leave.

12. So. I’m single now.

so i say oh i gotta show you this one version- and i pull up Þór Breiðfjörð's INCREDIBLE performance from the 2012 Reykjavik production of Les Mis. i didn't tell them what it was, i wanted them to experience it fresh.

as soon as it became clear that it was in a different language, my mom starts- i kid you not- LAUGHING. then she asks me "what is this"? like what do you mean? it's Bring Him Home from Les Mis, it just happens to be in Icelandic! but my mom immediately loses interest, and i turn it off.

July 17

I need to fistfight Cousin Archibald in a McDonald's parking lot. You share a name with a talking asparagus, my Not So Good Sir, and I believe you'd find the talking asparagus to be a much better person than yourself.

HE HAS A CONFESSIONAL BOOTH EXCLUSIVELY FOR HIM AND TALKS MORE ABOUT HER SINS THAN HIS OWN?

Hawkes is a guy. I quite like him.

"Anyone who thinks Potiphar's Wife was a good idea has proven himself to be of no sense whatsoever. They can have another attempt at Christianity next week." CACKLING

Modern Day Emma would be a Tumblrina. You cannot convince me otherwise.

The plot:

This perhaps goes without saying but spoilers ahead ⚠️

The palm reading in volume 8 really fucked with my brain chemistry. Reading the rest of the book looked a lot like this:

My initial thought was: Pierce/Islington. Then maybe Pierce/Hawkes. After letting it marinate and then re-reading, my current working theory is Pierce/Pierce.

I started with the idea that in literature prophecies are often fulfilled in unexpected ways. For example, early in the series, the Roman says "a man of war" comes to the house, which sounds ominous enough to really frighten Agnes. Then we come to see it means a man who has experienced/photographed war (and has a history of personal battles). The prophecy is not as calamitous as it initially sounds. Thus, I tried to think of ways that the palm reading could still be true without becoming a love triangle situation.

Some of my (over)thinking processes:

If Emma had to choose one person over another, wouldn't one line be shorter? She just wouldn't know which is which.

If the two branches are 2 different people that means she has THREE "true loves" which seems like an embarrassment of riches.

At this point she and Pierce are already courting, so one branch is likely him. If it is true that prophecies are often not fulfilled in obvious ways, a love triangle seems like the obvious slant here. Instead, what if it's the same person but different versions of him, based on his choices? (what you choose. what they choose. a thousand other decisions or possibly very few)

Thus, my Healed Pierce vs Unhealed Pierce theory. "Healed" in this sense means he is doing the work to address his alcohol use & emotional trauma

Deeply or Completely - she could still love him deeply if he is unhealed, but more completely if he is healed and not hiding parts of himself from her.

Sharp as a knife - honestly I think this is just reflective of his name: Pierce. But it could also mean that the relationship hurts at times, if he's unhealed.

Game of mirrors** - a negative interpretation of the game of mirrors is that an unhealed version of him could mean she can never see *him* clearly; positive interpretation is that a healthy partner helps you see yourself clearly. Also that partnering with Pierce is a reflection of her parents' relationship: a woman of a genteel class marries a social-outsider artist-type.

One more difficult - did you think this would be the unhealed version? TWIST!Emotional healing and personal growth is very difficult. Worth it! but definitely not easy.

One less free - loving an unhealed Pierce might mean there are aspects to his past he never shares with her, which means they can't be fully vulnerable with each other. He is less free to be completely open.

**n.b. admittedly I could see "game of mirrors" as an Islington premise, meaning who is she "reflecting" to him, Becca or Hannah?

That said, I still propose that the prophecy, if true, will manifest in a way less direct than a love triangle.