Finding My Way

When i write to you i write to me we share the world we see tho its not always the same for either of us sometimes my sun is your rain but know on those days what hurts you hurts me too there’s no crying alone we do it together bringing tears from heaven and the blue notes of our soul crashing down on our fears until one day from high above twisting and swirling on the breeze brushing our faces falling feathers now floating atop the still waters of a calm sea winds blowing soft and fair sweep gently through my angel’s hair you know its there you feel it now it's everywhere its inside of me its there inside of you and you do and you do because its true God loves you and i do too. 

SSSlithering through villages of the ordinary classes goes Arrogant Prince John in shoes not his own, a smile of beguile that twists and turns light into darkness, wrapping coiling and climbing our trees robbing from nests of promise and bees, they pitied his mother but she had another, his brother, not quite the same except in name though to mom he was Tom, a mighty fine fellow and often did good this robin hood, thoughtful and kind as any could find, not so said of how Prince John was bred, a hollow, in self woven fabric, imprisoned within a moat of his limitations, never aware how he fouled the air nor would he care, waiving his wand of which he was so fond he readily let loose a barrage of abuse his gossiping ways trashing of bitches a path to his riches using those that dig the ditches, he jests and taxes at others expense sparing no ridicule no matter how minuscule, and too, he has others, subtle and treacherous familiars,   never achieving squires, lairs, but of friends there are none that are real cept bloodworms leech and eel, rejected sumps, hordes of amoral gnarl, copulating viscous wet reeds expelling injurious seeds sucking on teats of decency left dried in ruin and spoil, Arrogant Prince John is anything but regal or royal

whoa stop looking at me it makes me nervous thinking thinking what you might see… its not a hudsgemen stuttering mindlessly do better use time its a rhyme innocents confusion a crime of time to be safe about it you are who needn’t had to be oh lordy lordy lordy lordy low so much wisdom lost in worlds we”ll never know here’s where we are all driving down a gravel road you can hear it grinding beneath you the dust cloud chasing you all the time you see a chapel a small white building with big doors surrounded by giant stalks of corn a shiny cross on its steeple we didn’t stop or remember people we roared by bye   as suddenly as passing light the road ended into nothingness of nothing at all yet we fell into a fall that is and isn’t so funny until you realize the rest of none of it matters…

burned down my church, torched my soul, now, lonely deranged ashes swirl and scatter skyward landing loosely on ancient seabeds, endless murals, moonscapes, of broken stone and bone wrapped within an invisible stench of sage, mesquite, and locoweed, were it not for the death upon death upon death upon death’s death that feels like your own it’s crushing putrid breath a paralytic intrusion inhaling all rides to no understanding of where this is when we arrive, most times it’s hell most times it’s okay most times are gone most times are just more times to have most times over and over again before there are no more times of any kind any more times

granular gritty grains of insane steadily strains the wee tiny drains of brain dripping drip by drip it’s slow steep becomes an incredible tea a vaste sea of who I am to confused to do anything but float wondering how i live

there is a darkness where we sometimes must go and too also a madness that bears the silence of where we’ve been intellectually a timely find suddenly just then you loose your mind everything all at once at the very same time KABOOM DEAFING EXPLOSION happens a lot it’s okay cause you’re ripping through all the shit you fought to save you yourself from tearing away every memory and loss to fucking shreds writing saying anything now at all maybe forever lost histories left behind no longer making sense of how fucked up being trapped here is

two situations i’m not sure i can control both are me times two and no one else it’s a reflection of doing what i need and still survive praying one day i’d discover my lost innocence destroy a black past keeping me from ever getting to know love or ever never find it so fuck ‘it’ another punishment beat me silly why do i care i have no worry no place to go unbeaten or quietly walk and walk over and over again in peace where i go now no one comes in where i am this this here this now forever more will be free and alone where i can be loud

some things i cannot tell you they will be mysteries

i know your who whatcha do who you are a bare minimum cocksucker crawling out a dumpster a one night stand eating’ frogs pulling braids and pony tails butt fucking life on the needle bang bang my gift to you bullets in the head merry christmas now you're dead welcome to extinction baby all you got left gurgles bleeding mysteries of imagination bells buoys ding dongs ringing wrongs a river running red gooey madness clocking you out its quitting time crazy orchestrated carnivals of confusion wisely sift their way thru a universe of mental quasars until sirens silently sift the last grains of brain into sewers of the insane empty and gone like the world that left you the bare minimum cocksucker you are rotting in darkness with rat turds

nights are my adventures where i conquer and dream run through my forests from what i’ve seen holding my breath my heart trying to scream fear fights fright these places darker than night creatures and beasts under the bed crawl madly thru my head they lie on floors hide behind doors smother and strangle suck out the brave those last breaths swallowed in a wave all such a sight never ending ’til morning’s light

if you really want to understand me then take that boy there, you see, as nice a boy there can be, take that innocence and dump all the horrors of darkness whipping anger into rage inside that cage stand way the fuck back and pray a peace will be found somewhere in those ashes

Ex-cellent-a-mun-doo a good place to go a place when nothing matters a place only you know a place the ones you hate can't come in their fire-filled empty sockets a mad blaze of burning tears blinking stares silent echoes through holes of tortured souls denied Ex-cellent-a-mun-doo one more time you're free again their bullshit no longer passes thru your head all of everything lost and unknown long forgotten stripped bare boiled dry frozen in time and buried deep ‘neath our beds cemeteries seas of dead far far away from Ex-cellent-a-mun-doo a really really good place to be when there's nothing left in a world that awaits you

its not a myth the brain stops sleeping through quiet happenings in some other language some no one of us understands secrets of chance a door you can’t deny opening to places you want to go and never tell shushing the mind kills that worm dead splattering its peace a quasar destroying a galaxy to save one star so special to all our tomorrows magnificent darkness its cool waters tease and nip at our toes and gently pulls sand from beneath our feet