#poemsofinstagram

Would you drink poison just because you are dying of thirst knowing the venom spreads through out your body ? Why is something that seems like tragedy becomes clarity ? We chase our lives for the answers we so much seek , we pray and plead with GD and make deals for a sign , a path , a hint anything to set us straight , we spend our lives feeding ourselves lies to make it “ok “ and keep us on the straight and narrow but yet we also spend our lives to find Anything to make us feel, smile , and feel Alive . That “venom “ is energy flowing through our blood , our body and soul tell us it’s right and want more , but yet we are still denied . Because we have to keep straight and not fall astray .

What if the real poison is our lies we keep telling ourselves to keep us coddled and safe ?

I looked at the sky

as if seeing it for the first time.

The flowers were mostly blue.

There’s a tree near our house,

taller than I remembered.

The birds sound different now.

I hear I’m sorry for your loss.

I don’t understand what they mean.

I take longer showers.

I don’t mean to.

I eat, and still I’m hungry.

I’ve been like this lately.

The bed has been unmade for some time.

Silence barks so loud.

I feel homesick in this loft.

Where I left my keys, I can’t remember.

The coffee grows cold most days.

I wait.

And wake.

And sleep.

In this dreadful dream

You’re running ahead,

and I can’t catch up.

I carry you like this.

I bear the love like this.

Let the wave come

and never recede.

Let me stay with this terrible dark.

The cold is so sharp.

But this love with no place to go,

I will shelter.

The gnawing ache hugs and it is warm.

I sleep in an awful blur.

I carry you

in your photos

when I look, it hurts beneath my ribs.

The ground beneath me shakes.

But I am still standing.

I walk inside my ghost.

Haywired and yet

I carry you

in my ribs,

in my tears,

in my feet.

I keep walking and walking

from home,

to shore,

to mountains,

and back.

But if I’m being honest, I’m relieved.

I had asked for it silently

to let me stay

and carry you longer in what remains.

Let me take on the pain

to learn its weight

and love you

maybe

i imprinted unconsciously the answers will be discovered by physical form but how foolish of me knowing that the flesh is weak and what i have been yearning for has no explanation.

Maybe our intensities are our truths . Maybe our intensities are our clarity . Maybe our emotions is us being level headed and if in fact it is . I need out . I’ve had 37 years , moments of beauty , moments of short lived happiness , intense pain , disappointment, chasing faded emotions and never achieving peace . I’ve achieved some things but my soul , my heart are gone . There is no purpose here . For me . I’ve saved maybe some souls. Death isn’t the answer but non existence is key . I need to fade away and close my eyes and just disappear in to non existence. I can’t fit in and I can’t change . My thoughts drown me , my sleep chokes me . My eyes blind me . Salvation is not near . Humanity is a disappointing feel. They burn you alive , use you . Maybe that was my crime and this is my sin, holding on . There is no after this . There is no more . My intensity is my truth . This is a mistake , all of of it