fanfic is my happy place

they perform as well as expensive HEPA air cleaners, and are comparatively VERY inexpensive. all you need is a box fan, 4 air filters, a piece of cardboard, and some duct tape!!!!

"You're just giving that character a vagina for porn reasons!" Yeah, you know what? Sometimes I am. There's a character I love whom I see as cis, and so the only time I'd write him as trans is if I have a "reason" to do so. And for me, that reason is usually my massive pregnancy kink. Does that mean that when I write him as trans, it automatically doesn't "count" as trans representation because I'm doing it for gross fetish reasons?

And actually, I see this character so strongly as cis that, sometimes, instead of making him trans, I'll make the setting omegaverse and make him an omega. (I write my omega men as bigenital with vaginas and penises.) And I agree that this isn't "trans representation" per se. He isn't trans in these stories. But it is still a trans wish-fulfillment fantasy in the form of, "Wouldn't it be interesting if it were universally societally accepted that some men have vaginas and can get pregnant?" And it does still touch on issues that actual trans men face, like being seen as less of a man due to his genital configuration. But I'm ultimately doing it because I want to see him pregnant, so I guess none of that allegory "counts".

Meanwhile, there's a different character that I do see as trans. I will always write him as a trans man no matter what. Even in omegaverse settings I make him a trans male alpha rather than an omega. Is that "better" trans representation than when I make the other guy trans, because I'm not doing it "just" for porn reasons? Or is it still no good because I write him as a vers-leaning-bottom and get him knocked up all the time?

It's just frustrating because I am a trans man who loves having a vagina and who has seriously considered getting pregnant. So I like any stories where it's treated as normal for men to have vaginas and be pregnant. To me, that's important representation. And I'm so tired of my personal wish-fulfillment stories being seen as illegitimate because obviously no real trans man could want what I want.

And, like, I get it. Believe it or not, I used to be extremely dysphoric about PiV sex and pregnancy too. I understand that this can be a trigger for some people. But I wish people would stop making their own dysphoria everyone else's problem. Or even worse, people who aren't even transmasc taking those trans men's dysphoria and using it to attack other trans men who aren't dysphoric in that way. I wish people would understand that no two trans people have the exact same experience, and that just because someone's fantasies involve something that some trans men don't like, that doesn't mean they're an evil fetishizing fujo victimizing the real trans men.

And frankly? I'm cool with the fetishizing fujos too, as long as they're respectful to actual real-life trans people. Let's hold hands and write FTMpreg together.

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I have a friend I know from when we were both 6. She is the only person living nearby and so she saw me go from walking through limping to wheelchair on a daily basis. I keep her updated on my health even tho we rarely hang out anymore. She was gonna come over yesterday and I had to cancel. She asked if I can’t hang out later that day. When I said i won’t feel better later, that if I feel that bad in the morning later will only get worse she got annoyed and “joked” that I’m just finding excuses. And I was surprised, she knows all about me being disabled after all? So, a bit taken aback, I told her it’s a normal thing for me.

“But you got the diagnosis now, aren’t you better?? I thought you’ll get better now”

Fatalistic sarcasm is a thing, however, it usually hides deep feelings of insecurity, and whether you consciously recognize this or not, it validates them. Seriously, I used to constantly make jokes about how other people’s work was better than mine, and it did nothing for my self-esteem, it was a tool to deflect from my own feelings of inferiority and it actively worked against me thinking critically about my own and other people’s work. If it was a joke I could put myself down instead of analyzing why someone’s work was better and trying to incorporate that into my own

As someone who took creative writing courses I was constantly surrounded by other brilliant people, if I hung my head in shame every time I read something as good or better than mine I never would have lifted it. 

As someone who has watched a lot of writers with very good idea’s crash and burn I mean it when I say you either develop a healthy sense of respect for your own work or you stop writing. 

There’s three things I really wish more people consider

1. Do you think their work is better because it’s a different style, one that you like? There’s an element to ‘the grass is greener on the other side’, I have seen people work in some amazing styles that I wished to god I could replicate, some I managed, some I never did, but there’s nothing wrong with either. having a different style Is Not the same as having a bad style, each has their own strengths and you can admire one without putting yours down

2. Knowing someone who is a better writer is a blessing and if they knew you were using their work to bring yourself down they would not be happy, mooch off that friend, analyze their work, ask them to edit your shit, as long as you’re not annoying them be shameless about it. the best thing creative writing did for me was give me the confidence to ask people to critic my work and shamelessly better each other for that sharing 

theyre so precious

Anyways, here's a little concept of my OC fom RFGoA.

I absolutely loved the mechanical maze and labyrinths, but I think they could've exploited the concept a little more.

Frey from Rune Factory 4. It is a game I've been addicted to recently and I adore it so much. I WILL get Dylas to like me so I can get better fish.

If you saw that I forgot to post this here, no you didnt.

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Samsung Galaxy Tab S6, MediBangPAINT Pro

A special commission offer has opened! Feel free to comment or dm me for any inquiries. Thank you!

based off of Lanterns on the River by CopperPrawn on ao3. fic so beautiful it dragged me out of an art slump.

July's Runey Membership 🏖

4x6 print design below. Original album cover by the Beach Boys, re-imagined with Rune Factory characters.

"Catch a Wave, Heaven Awaits"

Mystery photocards this month include: Kanata, Matsuri, Kai, and Leon

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Orders available until July 10th on Ko-Fi!