So.Much.To.Say

I bring in a graduated cylinder of it and we talk about how it’s used in nuclear power plants and gmo crops. How inhaling even the small amount I’m holding can lead to suffocation or even death. It’s found in vaccines and cancer cells, but also in infant formula and pet food. It is a huge component of acid rain, can cause severe burns, and has been found in places that were thought to be the most pristine and unpolluted locations on earth.

We talk about how there are little to no regulations on this chemical. No bans, no warning labels, and most manufacturers don’t even have to disclose their use of it in their products.

My students are outraged. We talk about what we can do. Create posters and flyers to spread awareness. Contact our senators with petitions to ban DHMO. Spread this information all over social media.

Then I explain that the real problem with dihydrogen monoxide is that….when I am thirsty…there is just nothing else as refreshing, and then I watch their looks of absolute shock and horror as I drink the entire vial down.

My mother also talked about periods to my brothers.

When I first got mine I had terrible cramps. Crippling cramps. I once was camping with my family and a few of my big brother’s friends when my period came. My cramps were so bad that my mom gave me a full pain killer ( I was 13 and before that she only gave me pills cut in half).

I literally laid down on my parents’ air mattress and cried in pain for an hour before the pill kicked in.

My brothers friend came in to the big tent and I was just curled up and sobbing. Now, I was quite the tomboy and was known to rough house with my brothers and their friends and made sure I wasnt seen as just “a little girl.” So my brother’s friend was confused to see me openly weeping in the fetal position (seriously, these were the worst cramps I have had in my life. My vision went white). He asked what was wrong with me.

My big brother stood up immediately and suggested a nice long hike. During this hike I am sure he had a pretty awkward conversation with his friend explaining menstrual cramps, because when they got back the pain pill had (mostly) kicked in and I was sitting up at a table when my brother’s friend sheepishly asked me if I was feeling better. I said I was better, and he said good.

When we made s'mores that night my brother and his friend kept me well supplied with chocolate.

Making sure sons know as much about periods and menstruation as daughters makes them better brothers, better sons better fathers, and better men. A man that understands a period will not lightly accuse a woman of “being on her period” if the woman is in an argument.

more shitty consequences

@krebkrebkreb and I came up with some fun ones, feel free to steal them for your own usage

so basically, in this bullshit universe, skin to skin contact with your soulmate has real and lasting side-effects. While you’re touching, you can get bits and pieces of the other person’s thoughts and feelings, the connection growing stronger the longer the contact lasts. When touching during sleep, you can share dreams! The effect lingers for a few minutes after contact ends. It’s pretty cool, right?

well it is until you spend more than a month without skin contact with your soulmate. Then shit starts to suck for you. ‘Lovesickness’ as its called, has four distinct phases;

phase 1 (roughly a month without physical contact)

mild headaches

fatigue

heavy limbs

light sensitivity

‘skin hunger’; general longing for skin-to-skin contact

commonly mistaken for hangovers/beginning of a flu

phase 2 (roughly a week following symptoms of phase 1)

muscle and joint aches, primarily in the hands

tingling/itching sensation, also primarily in the hands, especially the palms

pain when making fists/flexing or curling fingers

dry mouth

phase 3 (roughly two weeks following symtpoms of phase 2

tunnel vision

extreme hot/cold flashes

fainting

nausea/virtigo

phase 4 (roughly one week following symptoms of phase 3)

general return to normal, if usually depressed

overall numb feeling

emotional malaise

lingering skin hunger

If at any point, you and your soulmate do skin-to-skin contact, this physical hell will end. The more advanced the phase, the longer the contact is needed for symptoms to clear up. Phase 1 takes a few minutes, phase 3 can take up to an hour of prolonged contact. Phase 4 is dubeous and reports vary from couple to couple, because at that point, you’re technically starting the entire cycle over.

You won’t have to worry about any of this crap if you never make skin-contact with your soulmate. If you do, even for a fleeting second, and then go a month without repeated contact, you’re in for some bullshit. Obviously, for some people the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, but for others, its a fucking hastle that could fucking derail your entire life.