Hello! I recently came across your post about how genuinely awful mormons are and wanted to reach out for a bit more help. The area I live has a LOT of them (pacific northwest) and I literally live in the neighborhood with their church and get them knocking on my door way too often. As a result, quite a few of my friends and people that I know are mormon, and while they're not super close friends, they're still my friends.
That being said, there's one person I know that's slowly been expressing interest in leaving and looking elsewhere and questioning her religion's fucked up history. I really want to help her and support her and do whatever I can to help her escape such a toxic place but I know how much of a shitty experience it is and how they treat outsiders and the horrible things they've said to me for NOT being a part of their cult and I know it'll be a thousand times worse for her if she does go through with it.
Do you have any advice, know anything that I can do to help keep her both mentally and physically safe, and any resources I can provide to her or anyone better for her to reach out to? She's 17 currently, I'm 18, and it's becoming an increasingly time sensitive issue because as soon as she turns 18 in a few months she's going to be forced off on her mission and she's said many times she'd rather do anything than that.
First of all, I'm sorry to hear that your friend is stuck in that situation. Trying to leave any cult is a hell of a process and almost always wreaks havoc on a person's emotional and mental health. I'm glad your friend has someone ready to support her if she decides to make that plunge.
Biggest practical thing: Mormons don't send people out on their missions until they're 19, so she has at least one more year to find a way to avoid that. And when it comes right down to it, she'll be a legal adult at that point, so no one can force her to go.
As far as helping her get out, one of the biggest control tactics that cults use is limiting people's social lives and support networks. If you have a wider friend group who aren't mormons, even if it's just a group of hobby-buddies, start introducing your friend to them. The more she realizes that she can get healthy emotional and material support outside the church, the easier it will be for her to make the break.
The situation is admittedly also a bit delicate right now, because she's still a minor, so her parents have a lot more control over her, and trying to get in the way of that as an outside adult can put you in a precarious situation, legally speaking. Both of you should tread carefully for the next few months.
Once she's 18, if she's feeling ready to do so, she'll want to start looking for a way to ensure that she's not financially dependent on her parents. Finding a job so that she can get her own apartment (or one with safe roommates) is a good first step there. If she needs their financial support for college or something, she may have to play the long con and pretend to still be involved in the church. On the other hand, this might enable her to move away from home, where she'll be less vulnerable to their control.
She can also check out the exmormon subreddit, which can be a good resource for people who are just getting out of the church to find others in similar situations, advice, and a general community to talk to about the challenges (both pragmatic and emotional) of leaving.
If push really comes to shove, she might benefit from finding a women's shelter in your area (if there is one, it'll depend on where you live). The YWCA often has short- and long-term housing for women trying to escape abusive situations or get on their feet when they don't have enough resources to do so alone.
Really, the biggest thing you can do is just to make sure that she knows there is a support network outside the church. They do a lot to convince members that outsiders aren't trustworthy and the only safe community they'll ever find is within the cult (also that no one outside the church is really happy). Depending on her own beliefs, she might be benefited by finding a different Christian congregation to join (esp if there's a relatively liberal church nearby... I believe Lutherans in particular have been trending that way lately) or by finding a local social club that isn't overrun with mormons (something like a local SCA chapter, an elk's lodge, unitarian universalist congregation, etc).
I wish both of you all the best luck and courage in embarking on this journey!
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